I'd love to hear your opinion on how more and more women are choosing " nontraditional" romantic relationships; not as in hetero or homo, but as in "I love men but I don't want to live with one." I've been in a romantic relationship for 8 years in which we see each other 5-6 days a month, don't text or talk daily, and maintain separate households. Some friends don't consider it a "real" relationship because we each need our own space and solitude and aren't codependently shackled together emotionally,legally and financially. Meanwhile, nearly every married couple I know is miserable and they complain constantly. I find my relationship extremely gratifying both emotionally and sexually, yet it isn't socially "legitimized" like staying in unhealthy and unfulfilled marriages. I frequently hear "Aren't you afraid you are going to grow old and die alone?" Statistically, most women are anyway! I see real wisdom in facing our last years "Golden Girls" style and I dream of my own peaceful "Crone Compound"! 😁
After decades of successfully masking what now would probably be diagnosed ADHD, as well as autoimmune and low hormone brain fog, as well as a TBI, I am at a loss as to how to be an organized, functional adult. How to be a right brained, artist type in a world that only works if you have that 1% brain type that all systems in our culture were built for? What does true Selfcare look like when you actually have to survive?
I've been happily divorced for 10 years. Now at 55, I'm living solo in my own house (that I may or may not pay off before I die) and the question that haunts me is: what's going to happen when I can no longer take care of myself? I don't have any children, I stay active dancing which also fulfills my social life, but I think very often about what the future holds -- and time is passing more quickly by the day that the future seems almost like the near present. It's a bit frightening and I'm not sure how to begin to navigate it.
Same situation, except I do have a daughter. But realistically, having children or a spouse doesn't guarantee they will be there to take care of you. I think the only things we can do is take care of ourselves physically so that we are capable well into our late years, foster a community that cares about taking care of each other, and truly believe this life is a BLIP. None of us are getting out alive. I don't have answers for 20 years from now, but I live in peace each day as it comes as much as I possibly can. "The fear is real, but fear isn't facts and you can't believe everything you think."
Life seems to be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Flat effect and left wanting. I have everything I need, no plan for too much. Still realize nobody's coming to save me. Get tired of adulting. Idealize being fullfilled about past, current situations and future goals. Really need to like myself again .
I have leaned back into what I liked and who I was as a mid-teen. Before I started to try adapt in order to fit in. Slowly but steadily I find myself. Re-inventing myself.
When I found myself married and unexpectedly pregnant 38 years ago, I told myself "you can do it, it's only for 18 years" and then I would be able to move on with my life. Ha. The next decades were spent asking myself the classic Ann Landers question, am I better off with him (husband) or without him? Financially, and for my children's sake, I decided I was better off with him. Every single day, I told myself that eventually, my (three) children would fly the nest, and I'd be free to do what I wanted. Lo and behold, here I am at 68, the mother of three, grandmother of two, wife of one, finding that caretaking NEVER ENDS. Much like Carrol's comment, below, I want to know how to move on, if that's even possible.
As a professional woman in her early 60s, I was drawn to your site by the discussion over women’s decreasing tolerance for playing the emotional peacekeeper as we grow older. I’d like to see more discussion about navigating what feels to me like a minefield since we’re I to be my true, direct, honest and powerful self in the workplace, I could easily find myself without a job. It’s a delicate negotiation between who I am and who I am expected to be or what is acceptable for me to be in the workplace. The discussion needs to include, I feel, what gives us a sense of self worth in terms of our productivity, effort and focus. I don’t hear men discussing these issues and certainly don’t see men caretaking professional relationships so I absolutely need a community forum of women for this conversation.
I’m 59 & late to menopause. I hit menopause 44 days short of my 58th birthday. I lost 7+ yrs of healthy, quality living due to perimenopausal gas lighting by several pcps, gynecologist, several specialists & many expensive tests that couldn’t find anything that was causing my discomfort, sleepless nights, anxiety & illnesses(symptoms).
Ironically, luckily, December 2021 I was diagnosed with SIBO. Gastroenterologist prescribed $2000 Xifaxan antibiotic that my insurance company denied, I appealed, so sick and tired of feeling ill I fought them. I was not going to give up. I just wanted to feel better. Even the GI office didn’t fully understand the condition and how complicated it is and how it can be associated with perimenopause/hormone disruption. Other than antibiotics GI offered no further support. I knew I needed to know more and do more so I found The SIBO Dr online. I put myself on a low fodmap diet to stop feeding the bacteria that should not have been in my small intestinal tract. And via The Sibo Dr based out of Australia I found a ND, Dr of Functional medicine in Portsmouth NH.
My ND saved my life!
We healed my gut. Identified that I had been suffering from chronic Lyme with co infections, mold mycotoxins, and hormonal chaos. Both mold and tick bacteria known to make hormonal symptoms worse. Estrogen was on a wild roller coaster ride and progesterone had tanked, checked out. Leaving me with late perimenopause endometriosis, debilitating pain, chronic inflammation and insomnia along with a long list of other symptoms.
I have been on menopause hormone therapy for just about a year now and I feel better than I have in 11 years. So with that bit of a novel above(sorry), where I was going with this is we, women, really have to be our own advocates and speak up for ourselves, educate ourselves and help to guide and support those that follow us.
I am so lucky and beyond grateful to be on this end of generation X with this women’s health and menopause revolution happening right now, but I feel guilty for those not so lucky to meet this timing. My sisters are 10 and 7 yrs older than me with osteoporosis and other health issues due to loss of estrogen. They are over 60 and 10 yrs past start of menopause.
I really want to know how to help those women who may have missed the window for MHT support.
I'm 63 and directionless. No passion, no purpose. Just lost. Do other women feel this way? How do they fix it? I miss being excited to write and create. Nothing gets me jazzed any more. I don't know what happened, and I really don't want to live the rest of my life like this.
Well what I’m struggling with now is Iv been fighting metastatic breast cancer for the past 15years and find myself newly separated from my husband of 29 years who is a pastor and has had an affair we have three kids and 12 grandkids together. He was willing to shatter our entire family apart for this woman until my kids and I put an end to it by going to the pastor of her church. Now that it’s over with her and I have moved out of the house he wants me back. I’m not willing to be second best for anyone, but I am trying to allow God to soften my heart and repair all the damage and will only go back if real changes have taken place in how he treats me. Everything was better before I got sick again. I was first diagnosed in 2010-2011 went through chemo radiation all of that and then it came back in 2018 as metastatic. And now going through my husband‘s affair while dealing with this being the sickest I’ve ever been. He says it was just an emotional affair as if that makes it any better !I just don’t know what to do. Being with someone almost half my life is a long time just to throw away, but I also know what I deserve and what my worth is. I feel like I have lost myself a lot through this marriage, so basically I’m going through this big change of life as I am actually going through menopause to change your life. Ironically menopause is a fitting word right now.🤪
Thank you SO much for you perspectives and wisdom! Your post on unfucking our lives is one of the most profound, relevant, and personally applicable-to-me pieces I’ve ever read. I LOVE your work. Please, madam, may I have MORE?
Living your best life.
I'd love to hear your opinion on how more and more women are choosing " nontraditional" romantic relationships; not as in hetero or homo, but as in "I love men but I don't want to live with one." I've been in a romantic relationship for 8 years in which we see each other 5-6 days a month, don't text or talk daily, and maintain separate households. Some friends don't consider it a "real" relationship because we each need our own space and solitude and aren't codependently shackled together emotionally,legally and financially. Meanwhile, nearly every married couple I know is miserable and they complain constantly. I find my relationship extremely gratifying both emotionally and sexually, yet it isn't socially "legitimized" like staying in unhealthy and unfulfilled marriages. I frequently hear "Aren't you afraid you are going to grow old and die alone?" Statistically, most women are anyway! I see real wisdom in facing our last years "Golden Girls" style and I dream of my own peaceful "Crone Compound"! 😁
Anything. You are spot on.
Political divorce and women being driven away from men due to their differences in voting habits.
After decades of successfully masking what now would probably be diagnosed ADHD, as well as autoimmune and low hormone brain fog, as well as a TBI, I am at a loss as to how to be an organized, functional adult. How to be a right brained, artist type in a world that only works if you have that 1% brain type that all systems in our culture were built for? What does true Selfcare look like when you actually have to survive?
I've been happily divorced for 10 years. Now at 55, I'm living solo in my own house (that I may or may not pay off before I die) and the question that haunts me is: what's going to happen when I can no longer take care of myself? I don't have any children, I stay active dancing which also fulfills my social life, but I think very often about what the future holds -- and time is passing more quickly by the day that the future seems almost like the near present. It's a bit frightening and I'm not sure how to begin to navigate it.
Same situation, except I do have a daughter. But realistically, having children or a spouse doesn't guarantee they will be there to take care of you. I think the only things we can do is take care of ourselves physically so that we are capable well into our late years, foster a community that cares about taking care of each other, and truly believe this life is a BLIP. None of us are getting out alive. I don't have answers for 20 years from now, but I live in peace each day as it comes as much as I possibly can. "The fear is real, but fear isn't facts and you can't believe everything you think."
Life seems to be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Flat effect and left wanting. I have everything I need, no plan for too much. Still realize nobody's coming to save me. Get tired of adulting. Idealize being fullfilled about past, current situations and future goals. Really need to like myself again .
I’ve cleared the dross and opened up space for honest, fulfilling action — and am stuck with the now-what?
After performing for soooo long and now no longer able to how do you find you authentic self and feel real satisfaction and joy
I have leaned back into what I liked and who I was as a mid-teen. Before I started to try adapt in order to fit in. Slowly but steadily I find myself. Re-inventing myself.
When I found myself married and unexpectedly pregnant 38 years ago, I told myself "you can do it, it's only for 18 years" and then I would be able to move on with my life. Ha. The next decades were spent asking myself the classic Ann Landers question, am I better off with him (husband) or without him? Financially, and for my children's sake, I decided I was better off with him. Every single day, I told myself that eventually, my (three) children would fly the nest, and I'd be free to do what I wanted. Lo and behold, here I am at 68, the mother of three, grandmother of two, wife of one, finding that caretaking NEVER ENDS. Much like Carrol's comment, below, I want to know how to move on, if that's even possible.
As a professional woman in her early 60s, I was drawn to your site by the discussion over women’s decreasing tolerance for playing the emotional peacekeeper as we grow older. I’d like to see more discussion about navigating what feels to me like a minefield since we’re I to be my true, direct, honest and powerful self in the workplace, I could easily find myself without a job. It’s a delicate negotiation between who I am and who I am expected to be or what is acceptable for me to be in the workplace. The discussion needs to include, I feel, what gives us a sense of self worth in terms of our productivity, effort and focus. I don’t hear men discussing these issues and certainly don’t see men caretaking professional relationships so I absolutely need a community forum of women for this conversation.
I’m 59 & late to menopause. I hit menopause 44 days short of my 58th birthday. I lost 7+ yrs of healthy, quality living due to perimenopausal gas lighting by several pcps, gynecologist, several specialists & many expensive tests that couldn’t find anything that was causing my discomfort, sleepless nights, anxiety & illnesses(symptoms).
Ironically, luckily, December 2021 I was diagnosed with SIBO. Gastroenterologist prescribed $2000 Xifaxan antibiotic that my insurance company denied, I appealed, so sick and tired of feeling ill I fought them. I was not going to give up. I just wanted to feel better. Even the GI office didn’t fully understand the condition and how complicated it is and how it can be associated with perimenopause/hormone disruption. Other than antibiotics GI offered no further support. I knew I needed to know more and do more so I found The SIBO Dr online. I put myself on a low fodmap diet to stop feeding the bacteria that should not have been in my small intestinal tract. And via The Sibo Dr based out of Australia I found a ND, Dr of Functional medicine in Portsmouth NH.
My ND saved my life!
We healed my gut. Identified that I had been suffering from chronic Lyme with co infections, mold mycotoxins, and hormonal chaos. Both mold and tick bacteria known to make hormonal symptoms worse. Estrogen was on a wild roller coaster ride and progesterone had tanked, checked out. Leaving me with late perimenopause endometriosis, debilitating pain, chronic inflammation and insomnia along with a long list of other symptoms.
I have been on menopause hormone therapy for just about a year now and I feel better than I have in 11 years. So with that bit of a novel above(sorry), where I was going with this is we, women, really have to be our own advocates and speak up for ourselves, educate ourselves and help to guide and support those that follow us.
I am so lucky and beyond grateful to be on this end of generation X with this women’s health and menopause revolution happening right now, but I feel guilty for those not so lucky to meet this timing. My sisters are 10 and 7 yrs older than me with osteoporosis and other health issues due to loss of estrogen. They are over 60 and 10 yrs past start of menopause.
I really want to know how to help those women who may have missed the window for MHT support.
I'm 63 and directionless. No passion, no purpose. Just lost. Do other women feel this way? How do they fix it? I miss being excited to write and create. Nothing gets me jazzed any more. I don't know what happened, and I really don't want to live the rest of my life like this.
I wholly, fully get it, Susan. Rowing along in that boat with you.
I'm sorry to hear that and relieved I'm not the only one!
Toxic children
Mental illness in a mature relationship
I want yell but I don’t because it will make shit worse
Being unheard
Being
Living unsupported
Trying not to hate men or the world
Fear of conflict
Sounds like a great life, huh?
Well what I’m struggling with now is Iv been fighting metastatic breast cancer for the past 15years and find myself newly separated from my husband of 29 years who is a pastor and has had an affair we have three kids and 12 grandkids together. He was willing to shatter our entire family apart for this woman until my kids and I put an end to it by going to the pastor of her church. Now that it’s over with her and I have moved out of the house he wants me back. I’m not willing to be second best for anyone, but I am trying to allow God to soften my heart and repair all the damage and will only go back if real changes have taken place in how he treats me. Everything was better before I got sick again. I was first diagnosed in 2010-2011 went through chemo radiation all of that and then it came back in 2018 as metastatic. And now going through my husband‘s affair while dealing with this being the sickest I’ve ever been. He says it was just an emotional affair as if that makes it any better !I just don’t know what to do. Being with someone almost half my life is a long time just to throw away, but I also know what I deserve and what my worth is. I feel like I have lost myself a lot through this marriage, so basically I’m going through this big change of life as I am actually going through menopause to change your life. Ironically menopause is a fitting word right now.🤪
Thank you SO much for you perspectives and wisdom! Your post on unfucking our lives is one of the most profound, relevant, and personally applicable-to-me pieces I’ve ever read. I LOVE your work. Please, madam, may I have MORE?