A terrific read! Just what I needed. I moved from Australia to France a week ago and it’s been the hardest thing I ever did. Terrifying actually. But I’m here and I’m doing it despite all the fear and doubt. Thanks for the confidence boost and reminder that it’s ok to be scared and do the thing anyway.
Loved this piece -- THANKS! Your reflections on being a grandparent are particularly timely for me as everyone that I know of my cohort in life is mystically connected to their grandchildren and, while mine are amazing and lovely, they're just not at the center of what I feel like I need to do. My friends look at me weird and I do feel a bit shameful but I can see that other people are struggling as well with how to be authentic and a grandparent so thank you for that!
This resonates, and I’d gently complicate it: movement can build confidence, but only when the system has room to absorb it. For people managing fluctuating capacity, “move first” isn’t always the right starting point. Sometimes calibration comes first.
I like that - and feel it myself "managing fluctuating capacity"! I just realized that have (due to "FC") a hard time sustaining positive direction enough to build good momentum and often feel that each day is a brand new lift. Any advice? -- my only tool so far is just do something, move etc.
I really appreciate how you put that — “each day is brand new.” That actually makes a lot of sense when capacity fluctuates.
If momentum isn’t sticking, I’d get curious about whether you’re trying to build it on days when the baseline isn’t stable enough to hold it. Sometimes the goal isn’t “positive direction” but repeatable and reliable direction. Something small enough and predictable enough that it survives low-capacity days.
For people managing fluctuation, I often think less in terms of momentum and more in terms of anchors. What works for you even on an off day? That’s usually more sustainable than pushing for forward motion.
Movement can absolutely help. But consistency often comes from designing around the fluctuation rather than fighting it. And by fighting it, I mean layering guilt on top of it. That's just extra load.
Thanks! lol but without guilt I'd have no life skills at all :-) and yes it's the "repeatable and reliable direction" (well put) that is eluding me. I have tons of cool projects at any time but I seem to work in bursts rather like a race car than like a Ford F150 -- which is simple a better vehicle if you want to get something done, and it's more reliable. I want to be a F150! I make great plans and schedules when I'm doing an "A" day - but the next day is C- or a worse. Anyhow thanks for your thoughts mucho appreciated!
One more thought given what you just said…do you notice that an “A” day is often followed by a “C” day? We don’t get an automatic reset overnight. Is it possible that overdoing it on an A day is driving the likelihood of a C day? Is there a way to scale back on one to get some consistency across multiple days?
Yeah -- that is a really good point! -- When I'm running an "A" day I feel like I want to (must) ride that train to the end of the line -- you know "make hay while the sun is shining" as tomorrow I know it's likely going to rain. But there are other ways as you suggest. Thanks! I will ponder...
I used to be brave. Or so I thought. Really I was just a person who hadn't lost anything yet. It's when things started slipping away that my courage failed me. After years of loss and grief, I'm learning to move with the fear intact inside of me. Starting over and reclaiming bit by bit the adventurous life I always was meant to live.
This lands — especially the idea that readiness is often a story we tell ourselves to delay movement.
What I’ve noticed, though, is that movement works best when it’s responsive, not reactive. Not every pause is fear — sometimes it’s discernment catching up to momentum.
The real skill isn’t forcing action before certainty. It’s learning to tell the difference between avoidance and alignment — and moving when the signal is clear, not just loud.
Love this perspective. The part about others' disappointment not destroying you really landed. I spent years thinking guilt meant I was wrong but actualy its just discomfort from choosing differently than people expect. The Chicago to Florida story captures how self-trust accumulates with each uncomfortable decision.
This really resonated with me. I used to be paralysed by fear and over the years I've worked on that. First is was dipping my toes in the dangerous waters of saying no and putting boundaries. Now I use fear as my guide to lead me to what I know I should be doing. The article reminded me a bit about Atomic Habits where he talks about the proof you build with the actions you take. Every time you face your fears, you are a person with courage which leads to confidence. Great read!
I SO much loved this post!! Have a great move south. The reason you are moving to Florida is the exact reason I left Florida in 2020 after 38 years there, and moved to Colorado, to be happy and to feel like I'm home. It worked. I'm deliriously happy, and regularly scream, "I love you Colorado!" when I'm out on my bike. Looking forward to your next post!
So well said. Action precedes everything we want to make happen. Truly. Bravo for knowing what works for you and moving on it. When we feel good, our families feel good. That’s how healthy families function. And if we don’t take action now in midlife? When?
Thank you, Ellen. I needed to read this.. I needed to hear this today. I’m learning to move toward my life, not the roles I have been inhabiting for decades. Small steps..
Love this! As a 40+ year survivor of two strokes, I know what it’s like to lose all your confidence — twice.
With stroke, you cannot wait to be ‘ready’ to start your recovery. It’s terrifying, but you have no choice.
Confidence comes only once you start working at ‘getting back,’ one small step at time. You must keep moving forward, and by figuring out how to do things you really want to do, you become happier and happier.
You also have to learn not to get upset about how others perceive you — like when you’re in your 20s and your weird gait may give the appearance that you’re a drunk or a drug addict…
And you’re so right, Lynne — we are never quite “ready” for anything. It’s SO important to figure out what you really want to do and find a way to do it that works for you — like being a long distance Grandma!♥️♥️
My critically acclaimed book “Becoming Comfortably Numb: A Memoir on Brain-Mending” gives hope and inspiration for anyone who needs strength dealing with a life-altering situation.
A terrific read! Just what I needed. I moved from Australia to France a week ago and it’s been the hardest thing I ever did. Terrifying actually. But I’m here and I’m doing it despite all the fear and doubt. Thanks for the confidence boost and reminder that it’s ok to be scared and do the thing anyway.
Loved this piece -- THANKS! Your reflections on being a grandparent are particularly timely for me as everyone that I know of my cohort in life is mystically connected to their grandchildren and, while mine are amazing and lovely, they're just not at the center of what I feel like I need to do. My friends look at me weird and I do feel a bit shameful but I can see that other people are struggling as well with how to be authentic and a grandparent so thank you for that!
This resonates, and I’d gently complicate it: movement can build confidence, but only when the system has room to absorb it. For people managing fluctuating capacity, “move first” isn’t always the right starting point. Sometimes calibration comes first.
I like that - and feel it myself "managing fluctuating capacity"! I just realized that have (due to "FC") a hard time sustaining positive direction enough to build good momentum and often feel that each day is a brand new lift. Any advice? -- my only tool so far is just do something, move etc.
I really appreciate how you put that — “each day is brand new.” That actually makes a lot of sense when capacity fluctuates.
If momentum isn’t sticking, I’d get curious about whether you’re trying to build it on days when the baseline isn’t stable enough to hold it. Sometimes the goal isn’t “positive direction” but repeatable and reliable direction. Something small enough and predictable enough that it survives low-capacity days.
For people managing fluctuation, I often think less in terms of momentum and more in terms of anchors. What works for you even on an off day? That’s usually more sustainable than pushing for forward motion.
Movement can absolutely help. But consistency often comes from designing around the fluctuation rather than fighting it. And by fighting it, I mean layering guilt on top of it. That's just extra load.
Thanks! lol but without guilt I'd have no life skills at all :-) and yes it's the "repeatable and reliable direction" (well put) that is eluding me. I have tons of cool projects at any time but I seem to work in bursts rather like a race car than like a Ford F150 -- which is simple a better vehicle if you want to get something done, and it's more reliable. I want to be a F150! I make great plans and schedules when I'm doing an "A" day - but the next day is C- or a worse. Anyhow thanks for your thoughts mucho appreciated!
One more thought given what you just said…do you notice that an “A” day is often followed by a “C” day? We don’t get an automatic reset overnight. Is it possible that overdoing it on an A day is driving the likelihood of a C day? Is there a way to scale back on one to get some consistency across multiple days?
Yeah -- that is a really good point! -- When I'm running an "A" day I feel like I want to (must) ride that train to the end of the line -- you know "make hay while the sun is shining" as tomorrow I know it's likely going to rain. But there are other ways as you suggest. Thanks! I will ponder...
I used to be brave. Or so I thought. Really I was just a person who hadn't lost anything yet. It's when things started slipping away that my courage failed me. After years of loss and grief, I'm learning to move with the fear intact inside of me. Starting over and reclaiming bit by bit the adventurous life I always was meant to live.
Confidence is not knowing all the answers. Confidence is knowing that you will find the answers!
Brilliant comment!
This resonated. Courage coming from movement, not readiness, is an important reminder.
This lands — especially the idea that readiness is often a story we tell ourselves to delay movement.
What I’ve noticed, though, is that movement works best when it’s responsive, not reactive. Not every pause is fear — sometimes it’s discernment catching up to momentum.
The real skill isn’t forcing action before certainty. It’s learning to tell the difference between avoidance and alignment — and moving when the signal is clear, not just loud.
I needed to hear this today. Thank you.
So validating, and no, there’s never a right time. I learnt that the hard way.
Love this perspective. The part about others' disappointment not destroying you really landed. I spent years thinking guilt meant I was wrong but actualy its just discomfort from choosing differently than people expect. The Chicago to Florida story captures how self-trust accumulates with each uncomfortable decision.
This really resonated with me. I used to be paralysed by fear and over the years I've worked on that. First is was dipping my toes in the dangerous waters of saying no and putting boundaries. Now I use fear as my guide to lead me to what I know I should be doing. The article reminded me a bit about Atomic Habits where he talks about the proof you build with the actions you take. Every time you face your fears, you are a person with courage which leads to confidence. Great read!
I SO much loved this post!! Have a great move south. The reason you are moving to Florida is the exact reason I left Florida in 2020 after 38 years there, and moved to Colorado, to be happy and to feel like I'm home. It worked. I'm deliriously happy, and regularly scream, "I love you Colorado!" when I'm out on my bike. Looking forward to your next post!
Thanks for this inspiring essay! Courage is a muscle and the more we exercise it, the more capacity we build. Glad you're going for it!
So well said. Action precedes everything we want to make happen. Truly. Bravo for knowing what works for you and moving on it. When we feel good, our families feel good. That’s how healthy families function. And if we don’t take action now in midlife? When?
Thank you, Ellen. I needed to read this.. I needed to hear this today. I’m learning to move toward my life, not the roles I have been inhabiting for decades. Small steps..
Love this! As a 40+ year survivor of two strokes, I know what it’s like to lose all your confidence — twice.
With stroke, you cannot wait to be ‘ready’ to start your recovery. It’s terrifying, but you have no choice.
Confidence comes only once you start working at ‘getting back,’ one small step at time. You must keep moving forward, and by figuring out how to do things you really want to do, you become happier and happier.
You also have to learn not to get upset about how others perceive you — like when you’re in your 20s and your weird gait may give the appearance that you’re a drunk or a drug addict…
And you’re so right, Lynne — we are never quite “ready” for anything. It’s SO important to figure out what you really want to do and find a way to do it that works for you — like being a long distance Grandma!♥️♥️
My critically acclaimed book “Becoming Comfortably Numb: A Memoir on Brain-Mending” gives hope and inspiration for anyone who needs strength dealing with a life-altering situation.
Available at Amazon/Kindle at
https://amzn.to/3Y4wTiz
and wherever books are sold.
My “Today’s Walk” Substack blog talks about day-to-day life with disabilities, with lots of humour thrown into the mess…
For more info about me, BCN or to book me for a speaking engagement, please go to
Catherineallard.ca
Thanks for your time!
C 😎