This resonates, and I’d gently complicate it: movement can build confidence, but only when the system has room to absorb it. For people managing fluctuating capacity, “move first” isn’t always the right starting point. Sometimes calibration comes first.
I used to be brave. Or so I thought. Really I was just a person who hadn't lost anything yet. It's when things started slipping away that my courage failed me. After years of loss and grief, I'm learning to move with the fear intact inside of me. Starting over and reclaiming bit by bit the adventurous life I always was meant to live.
This lands — especially the idea that readiness is often a story we tell ourselves to delay movement.
What I’ve noticed, though, is that movement works best when it’s responsive, not reactive. Not every pause is fear — sometimes it’s discernment catching up to momentum.
The real skill isn’t forcing action before certainty. It’s learning to tell the difference between avoidance and alignment — and moving when the signal is clear, not just loud.
Love this perspective. The part about others' disappointment not destroying you really landed. I spent years thinking guilt meant I was wrong but actualy its just discomfort from choosing differently than people expect. The Chicago to Florida story captures how self-trust accumulates with each uncomfortable decision.
This really resonated with me. I used to be paralysed by fear and over the years I've worked on that. First is was dipping my toes in the dangerous waters of saying no and putting boundaries. Now I use fear as my guide to lead me to what I know I should be doing. The article reminded me a bit about Atomic Habits where he talks about the proof you build with the actions you take. Every time you face your fears, you are a person with courage which leads to confidence. Great read!
I SO much loved this post!! Have a great move south. The reason you are moving to Florida is the exact reason I left Florida in 2020 after 38 years there, and moved to Colorado, to be happy and to feel like I'm home. It worked. I'm deliriously happy, and regularly scream, "I love you Colorado!" when I'm out on my bike. Looking forward to your next post!
So well said. Action precedes everything we want to make happen. Truly. Bravo for knowing what works for you and moving on it. When we feel good, our families feel good. That’s how healthy families function. And if we don’t take action now in midlife? When?
Thank you, Ellen. I needed to read this.. I needed to hear this today. I’m learning to move toward my life, not the roles I have been inhabiting for decades. Small steps..
Love this! As a 40+ year survivor of two strokes, I know what it’s like to lose all your confidence — twice.
With stroke, you cannot wait to be ‘ready’ to start your recovery. It’s terrifying, but you have no choice.
Confidence comes only once you start working at ‘getting back,’ one small step at time. You must keep moving forward, and by figuring out how to do things you really want to do, you become happier and happier.
You also have to learn not to get upset about how others perceive you — like when you’re in your 20s and your weird gait may give the appearance that you’re a drunk or a drug addict…
And you’re so right, Lynne — we are never quite “ready” for anything. It’s SO important to figure out what you really want to do and find a way to do it that works for you — like being a long distance Grandma!♥️♥️
My critically acclaimed book “Becoming Comfortably Numb: A Memoir on Brain-Mending” gives hope and inspiration for anyone who needs strength dealing with a life-altering situation.
This resonates so much! My story is very similar. We’ve found that we are able to stay in touch often, FaceTime helps immensely – and we don’t really feel like we’re missing out. In fact our in-person visits are that much more special, and the grandkids LOVE when we send care packages. 😁 I’m excited for you!! Best of luck with your move, and welcome back to The Sunshine State! 🌴
This resonates, and I’d gently complicate it: movement can build confidence, but only when the system has room to absorb it. For people managing fluctuating capacity, “move first” isn’t always the right starting point. Sometimes calibration comes first.
I used to be brave. Or so I thought. Really I was just a person who hadn't lost anything yet. It's when things started slipping away that my courage failed me. After years of loss and grief, I'm learning to move with the fear intact inside of me. Starting over and reclaiming bit by bit the adventurous life I always was meant to live.
Confidence is not knowing all the answers. Confidence is knowing that you will find the answers!
This resonated. Courage coming from movement, not readiness, is an important reminder.
This lands — especially the idea that readiness is often a story we tell ourselves to delay movement.
What I’ve noticed, though, is that movement works best when it’s responsive, not reactive. Not every pause is fear — sometimes it’s discernment catching up to momentum.
The real skill isn’t forcing action before certainty. It’s learning to tell the difference between avoidance and alignment — and moving when the signal is clear, not just loud.
I needed to hear this today. Thank you.
So validating, and no, there’s never a right time. I learnt that the hard way.
Love this perspective. The part about others' disappointment not destroying you really landed. I spent years thinking guilt meant I was wrong but actualy its just discomfort from choosing differently than people expect. The Chicago to Florida story captures how self-trust accumulates with each uncomfortable decision.
This really resonated with me. I used to be paralysed by fear and over the years I've worked on that. First is was dipping my toes in the dangerous waters of saying no and putting boundaries. Now I use fear as my guide to lead me to what I know I should be doing. The article reminded me a bit about Atomic Habits where he talks about the proof you build with the actions you take. Every time you face your fears, you are a person with courage which leads to confidence. Great read!
I SO much loved this post!! Have a great move south. The reason you are moving to Florida is the exact reason I left Florida in 2020 after 38 years there, and moved to Colorado, to be happy and to feel like I'm home. It worked. I'm deliriously happy, and regularly scream, "I love you Colorado!" when I'm out on my bike. Looking forward to your next post!
Thanks for this inspiring essay! Courage is a muscle and the more we exercise it, the more capacity we build. Glad you're going for it!
So well said. Action precedes everything we want to make happen. Truly. Bravo for knowing what works for you and moving on it. When we feel good, our families feel good. That’s how healthy families function. And if we don’t take action now in midlife? When?
Thank you, Ellen. I needed to read this.. I needed to hear this today. I’m learning to move toward my life, not the roles I have been inhabiting for decades. Small steps..
Love this! As a 40+ year survivor of two strokes, I know what it’s like to lose all your confidence — twice.
With stroke, you cannot wait to be ‘ready’ to start your recovery. It’s terrifying, but you have no choice.
Confidence comes only once you start working at ‘getting back,’ one small step at time. You must keep moving forward, and by figuring out how to do things you really want to do, you become happier and happier.
You also have to learn not to get upset about how others perceive you — like when you’re in your 20s and your weird gait may give the appearance that you’re a drunk or a drug addict…
And you’re so right, Lynne — we are never quite “ready” for anything. It’s SO important to figure out what you really want to do and find a way to do it that works for you — like being a long distance Grandma!♥️♥️
My critically acclaimed book “Becoming Comfortably Numb: A Memoir on Brain-Mending” gives hope and inspiration for anyone who needs strength dealing with a life-altering situation.
Available at Amazon/Kindle at
https://amzn.to/3Y4wTiz
and wherever books are sold.
My “Today’s Walk” Substack blog talks about day-to-day life with disabilities, with lots of humour thrown into the mess…
For more info about me, BCN or to book me for a speaking engagement, please go to
Catherineallard.ca
Thanks for your time!
C 😎
This resonates so much! My story is very similar. We’ve found that we are able to stay in touch often, FaceTime helps immensely – and we don’t really feel like we’re missing out. In fact our in-person visits are that much more special, and the grandkids LOVE when we send care packages. 😁 I’m excited for you!! Best of luck with your move, and welcome back to The Sunshine State! 🌴
I loved this piece. Totally on point, and something we should all reread every so often. Thank you for sharing it .