Now 55, emerging from doing it all and finally with the wisdom and clarity to start over.
On my terms now. Too old and grumpy to work for anyone else (probably younger and less experienced but more opinionated) it’s now time to make the years of hard work, studying and experience finally work for me, not against me. Excited to see where this leads me…
"The version of yourself you'd been maintaining — agreeable, capable, fine — started feeling like a costume you were exhausted from wearing."
Mine was filling the room. Being the one with the answers. The person everyone called when something needed to get done — and I was good at it, genuinely. But at some point, I realized the costume had become so familiar I'd forgotten I was wearing it.
Retirement took it off. And standing there without it was the most disorienting thing I've ever experienced.
I am right with you, Ellen! You are describing our generation so well. Quietly getting on with it, redefining ourselves on our own terms as we recognize all these cultural influences on us and let them go, and claiming our talents and potential for our own purposes and passions. Thank you for the recognition and the clarity!
Love this! So true and I think those experiences have truly shaped our generation to become our authentic selves at this phase of life, and actually own being “middle-aged” as a positive and empowering place to be.
I always think back to the Enjoli commercial that told us we could bring home the bacon...and never let him forget he's a man. It was like liberation with a misogynistic catch. I'm at a crossroads that suddenly feels very much like that and I'm confused how to choose thanks to those messages.
Thank you, Ellen, for helping us choose ourselves.
It’s wild how we spent our childhoods proving we didn't need anyone to check on us, only to spend our 40s finally realizing that the fine print of having it all was never worth the burnout. There’s definitely something so liberating about trading that heavy, agreeable costume for the stubborn self-sufficiency we had all along. Love this ✨
Exactly. I am the first year or Gen x or Gen jones or whatever, but yeah….this completely aligned with my life path. Clarity began around 50 for me and boom, did the growth come fast and hard. 🙌
Totally agreed!
Now 55, emerging from doing it all and finally with the wisdom and clarity to start over.
On my terms now. Too old and grumpy to work for anyone else (probably younger and less experienced but more opinionated) it’s now time to make the years of hard work, studying and experience finally work for me, not against me. Excited to see where this leads me…
Midlife clarity! So true!
"The version of yourself you'd been maintaining — agreeable, capable, fine — started feeling like a costume you were exhausted from wearing."
Mine was filling the room. Being the one with the answers. The person everyone called when something needed to get done — and I was good at it, genuinely. But at some point, I realized the costume had become so familiar I'd forgotten I was wearing it.
Retirement took it off. And standing there without it was the most disorienting thing I've ever experienced.
I am right with you, Ellen! You are describing our generation so well. Quietly getting on with it, redefining ourselves on our own terms as we recognize all these cultural influences on us and let them go, and claiming our talents and potential for our own purposes and passions. Thank you for the recognition and the clarity!
Love this! So true and I think those experiences have truly shaped our generation to become our authentic selves at this phase of life, and actually own being “middle-aged” as a positive and empowering place to be.
A system that depends on women staying agreeable, useful, and fine will always misread clarity as crisis. This piece gets that exactly right.
Si!! Thanks!!🩵🩵🩵
I always think back to the Enjoli commercial that told us we could bring home the bacon...and never let him forget he's a man. It was like liberation with a misogynistic catch. I'm at a crossroads that suddenly feels very much like that and I'm confused how to choose thanks to those messages.
Thank you, Ellen, for helping us choose ourselves.
I know, right? That ad was so iconic, and so wrong!
The costume line stopped me.
Because I think a lot of us wore it so long we forgot it wasn’t ours. And when it finally stopped fitting, the hardest part wasn’t taking it off.
It was figuring out what we actually wanted underneath it.
Not what we’d been told to want. Not what made everyone else comfortable. What we actually, quietly wanted — for ourselves.
That’s the work nobody warns you about. And it turns out it’s also the most interesting work we’ve ever done.”
It’s wild how we spent our childhoods proving we didn't need anyone to check on us, only to spend our 40s finally realizing that the fine print of having it all was never worth the burnout. There’s definitely something so liberating about trading that heavy, agreeable costume for the stubborn self-sufficiency we had all along. Love this ✨
I´m 47 and I the clarity part is so true. I know what I want and I don´t want.
I left corporate 3 years ago, and at 46 I started pole dancing. I sing in the choir of my village.
And I´m building my business to help other women over 40 reconnect with their feminine energy.
I love being a GenX woman.
This was such an enjoyable article. You just summarized my last 54 years! And I finally know what I want to do when I grow up. 🤣
Exactly. I am the first year or Gen x or Gen jones or whatever, but yeah….this completely aligned with my life path. Clarity began around 50 for me and boom, did the growth come fast and hard. 🙌
Great post! The struggle is real.
Soooo accurate! (Except I wasn’t a latch key kid, but does the child of a narcissist who was into keeping up appearances count?!)
100%. Same, woman. Same.
I feel both comfort and sadness when I hear that others had the same experience. 😢
Damn we’re some badasses!
Yes we are!!!!