Congratulations on writing such an amazing article. I read that book in 2012, when my partner suddenly ended our 27 relationship without any explanation. What I gleaned from it was very akin to you, that it was written from the angle that as women we should understand men’s ‘ways’ and give them space so as not to annoy them. Once I’d gotten over my heartbreak I thought where are the books talking about how to please and keep a woman. With hindsight I realised the end of my relationship was the biggest blessing of my life, as I’d been doing everything for my man child and had burnt out. I no longer had to give so much to someone who took me for granted and could now give that love and energy to myself and watch myself blossom.
To realise a couple of years later that he’d actually had an affair with a girl of 19 he was 48 , sealed my thoughts on how emotionally immature he actually was. Only a 19 year old could worship a man child in the way they want as they would never challenge his selfish behaviour!
I haven't read the book but have watched quite a few videos by him. He had an interesting point of view (not sure I agree with all) and I did try a few ideas of his in my relationship and they were helpful. I wasn't thinking about how much of it was nature vs nurture. I guess even a clock is right twice a day.
I had completely forgotten about this book. Except, I read it. In high school or college whenever it came out. And I was an undiagnosed autistic young woman trying to make sense of humanity and a wake of failed relationships all around me. So of course I took what he said as gospel. Those passages that you quoted just pushed buttons deep in my psyche! The conditioning was so insidious 🥺 Many of us were so unsuspecting - just digesting everything we could trying to understand, to make meaning of things that didn't make sense. No wonder we are standing here in middle age in grief and in power and in loss and in new beginnings.
Bravo! Standing ovation! 👏🏻 your translations of his projection writings are insightful. I have not read this book however from what you have shared it seems like a put up and shut up to women. I appreciate this piece and absolutely love your ending!!!
I acquired this book in college (I believe a therapist might have even recommended it to me) and studied it as if it were the Bible. There were tons of sequels and variations on the theme, as we apparently couldn't get enough of the same theory reiterated under different titles (see also: Chicken Soup for the Soul).
Absolutely. It’s simply a vehicle for his mysogynist, sexist ideas. When I met him, he made my skin crawl. Couldn’t get away fast enough. What a charlatan.
Congratulations on writing such an amazing article. I read that book in 2012, when my partner suddenly ended our 27 relationship without any explanation. What I gleaned from it was very akin to you, that it was written from the angle that as women we should understand men’s ‘ways’ and give them space so as not to annoy them. Once I’d gotten over my heartbreak I thought where are the books talking about how to please and keep a woman. With hindsight I realised the end of my relationship was the biggest blessing of my life, as I’d been doing everything for my man child and had burnt out. I no longer had to give so much to someone who took me for granted and could now give that love and energy to myself and watch myself blossom.
To realise a couple of years later that he’d actually had an affair with a girl of 19 he was 48 , sealed my thoughts on how emotionally immature he actually was. Only a 19 year old could worship a man child in the way they want as they would never challenge his selfish behaviour!
I haven't read the book but have watched quite a few videos by him. He had an interesting point of view (not sure I agree with all) and I did try a few ideas of his in my relationship and they were helpful. I wasn't thinking about how much of it was nature vs nurture. I guess even a clock is right twice a day.
Oh my God. 😳
I had completely forgotten about this book. Except, I read it. In high school or college whenever it came out. And I was an undiagnosed autistic young woman trying to make sense of humanity and a wake of failed relationships all around me. So of course I took what he said as gospel. Those passages that you quoted just pushed buttons deep in my psyche! The conditioning was so insidious 🥺 Many of us were so unsuspecting - just digesting everything we could trying to understand, to make meaning of things that didn't make sense. No wonder we are standing here in middle age in grief and in power and in loss and in new beginnings.
Started that book many years ago, never did finish. Now I know why.
He also mentioned somewhere that his wife helped in writing the book, yet she was not listed as a co-author.
That tracks.
Bravo! Standing ovation! 👏🏻 your translations of his projection writings are insightful. I have not read this book however from what you have shared it seems like a put up and shut up to women. I appreciate this piece and absolutely love your ending!!!
I acquired this book in college (I believe a therapist might have even recommended it to me) and studied it as if it were the Bible. There were tons of sequels and variations on the theme, as we apparently couldn't get enough of the same theory reiterated under different titles (see also: Chicken Soup for the Soul).
I like your summaries of the "advice", brutal and to the point!
Years ago a mentor told me, "Any idiot can get married. Now, staying married? That take serious work!" And he was right.
I've never read Mars / Venus, but anything that claims a relationship doesn't require mutual effort and investment is self-evidently bullshit.
Absolutely. It’s simply a vehicle for his mysogynist, sexist ideas. When I met him, he made my skin crawl. Couldn’t get away fast enough. What a charlatan.
I regret having purchased that book after divorcing my husband, six years ago.
Thank you for the synopsis!
I really do hate wasting books, but now I don’t regret throwing it out, unread, about six weeks ago.