A lot of people want menopause translated into something tidy and manageable. This piece is better than that. It asks whether a partner can stay close without making the whole experience about his own comfort. Thanks for sharing this :)
You captured something many couples struggle to understand while it’s happening. I especially liked the practical language you offered toward the end - it gives partners a way to move toward each other rather than away.
This all resonates hugely for my own experience and I thank you for putting it to words here. This is not just a guide for the partner, but for the woman who's going through it (or gone through it) and didn't know WTF was going on!! Mine also wreaked havoc on my existing chronic depression/anxiety for which I then was given many trials of meds that gave side effects all causing overall symptoms to worsen. Not enough known and studied on women, menopause and mental health. Incredible deficit of knowledge and terribly frustrating.
Unfortunately/fortunately, my now "wasband" left me and quickly dated, remarried - abandoned and totally fear driven instead of staying, listening, let me know he was there for me.
This is such an important explanation of what menopause does to the nervous system and sleep.
Something I see often alongside this shift is what happens when the person who has quietly been stabilizing the entire household system suddenly doesn't have the same capacity to buffer everything anymore.
For many women the irritability isn’t just hormonal. It’s the moment when years of invisible labor finally become visible to everyone else in the room.
When the infrastructure gets tired, the system suddenly looks like conflict
This is a great article. Thank you for sharing these tips! One thing though, not every menopausal woman has a male partner and we women don't all go through hormonal cycles at the same age or in the same way. A female partner may also not understand what her menopausal partner is going through. We can all benefit from approaching each other with kindness and curiosity.
WOW! Just WOW! How I wish I had had this to give to my husband and every other woman's partner about 10 years ago! I had no words for what I was going through, and you've said it so beautifully, and with a good dose of humor (which you really need as you go through this!)
Thank you, and I'm now forwarding this to everyone I know! :)
Lost everything during the big hormonal shift. The type of work I was doing, my marriage, and my ability to leave my home and function in society. It was like I was put on house arrest for over a decade. I faced this nightmare alone, so no wonder your words brought tears to my eyes. The good thing is that my divorce felt like a blessing, and the hard times I was going through put every relationship I had ( be it with family or friends) to the test. No one made the cut, and I still consider myself blessed. Had I not had that experience, I would've probably still had people in my life who didn't honor my presence and weren't honest with me. Facing everything alone is difficult, yet also rewarding. I say thank you every day for pulling through, although I'm still reminded from time to time that my body isn't as reliable as it used to be. One other good thing that happened to me was my writing career. I started writing fiction out of necessity to support myself (and keep my brain busy) and was able to do so from the beginning. Writing allowed me to dissociate from what was happening to my body and emotionally survive. I am grateful for that too.
Interesting. I've been married twice, am the child of two fathers, and raised three boys. Not once would one of them respond in any of these ways. What they MIGHT do, and what I would welcome is, "Let me make dinners this week."
A lot of people want menopause translated into something tidy and manageable. This piece is better than that. It asks whether a partner can stay close without making the whole experience about his own comfort. Thanks for sharing this :)
Ellen, I really appreciated this piece.
You captured something many couples struggle to understand while it’s happening. I especially liked the practical language you offered toward the end - it gives partners a way to move toward each other rather than away.
This all resonates hugely for my own experience and I thank you for putting it to words here. This is not just a guide for the partner, but for the woman who's going through it (or gone through it) and didn't know WTF was going on!! Mine also wreaked havoc on my existing chronic depression/anxiety for which I then was given many trials of meds that gave side effects all causing overall symptoms to worsen. Not enough known and studied on women, menopause and mental health. Incredible deficit of knowledge and terribly frustrating.
Unfortunately/fortunately, my now "wasband" left me and quickly dated, remarried - abandoned and totally fear driven instead of staying, listening, let me know he was there for me.
This is such an important explanation of what menopause does to the nervous system and sleep.
Something I see often alongside this shift is what happens when the person who has quietly been stabilizing the entire household system suddenly doesn't have the same capacity to buffer everything anymore.
For many women the irritability isn’t just hormonal. It’s the moment when years of invisible labor finally become visible to everyone else in the room.
When the infrastructure gets tired, the system suddenly looks like conflict
This is a great article. Thank you for sharing these tips! One thing though, not every menopausal woman has a male partner and we women don't all go through hormonal cycles at the same age or in the same way. A female partner may also not understand what her menopausal partner is going through. We can all benefit from approaching each other with kindness and curiosity.
WOW! Just WOW! How I wish I had had this to give to my husband and every other woman's partner about 10 years ago! I had no words for what I was going through, and you've said it so beautifully, and with a good dose of humor (which you really need as you go through this!)
Thank you, and I'm now forwarding this to everyone I know! :)
Thank you for articulating, in a way I couldn't, why the silence feels terrifying. This will help me explain.
Lost everything during the big hormonal shift. The type of work I was doing, my marriage, and my ability to leave my home and function in society. It was like I was put on house arrest for over a decade. I faced this nightmare alone, so no wonder your words brought tears to my eyes. The good thing is that my divorce felt like a blessing, and the hard times I was going through put every relationship I had ( be it with family or friends) to the test. No one made the cut, and I still consider myself blessed. Had I not had that experience, I would've probably still had people in my life who didn't honor my presence and weren't honest with me. Facing everything alone is difficult, yet also rewarding. I say thank you every day for pulling through, although I'm still reminded from time to time that my body isn't as reliable as it used to be. One other good thing that happened to me was my writing career. I started writing fiction out of necessity to support myself (and keep my brain busy) and was able to do so from the beginning. Writing allowed me to dissociate from what was happening to my body and emotionally survive. I am grateful for that too.
I can relate to your experience- except I'm not a fiction writer, just journaling which helps. Hugs to you.
Thank you so much.
Stay present. Stay curious. Thank you for this! <3
Interesting. I've been married twice, am the child of two fathers, and raised three boys. Not once would one of them respond in any of these ways. What they MIGHT do, and what I would welcome is, "Let me make dinners this week."