Way past midlife (68) but wondering when I get to do exactly what I want! My husband who didn’t seem that much older than me when we got married now feels like I’m living with his (asshole) dad. So stuck in guilt and also my own inertia. Really ready for a big change.
Beautifully expressed. Yes - letting go of the old way of providing value. Not finding new ways into the same old misery that is familiar. That’s my take-out. Thank you.
Every one of your posts allows me to breathe more deeply. To feel fundamentally okay. To celebrate the age I am and the wisdom I’ve gathered in 57 years. Thank you.
Thanks! Yes. At 58, retired as a nurse practitioner but keeping the RN alive because I teach yoga, run sacred women’s circles and heal with reiki and energy work which has built an entire community of amazing women in my life. You must dump that old pot of petunias and gently water and nuture seeds but wow….i got a taste and now I can’t wait for the entire harvest!
Being a stay at home mom for most of my kids lives, I thought them moving out and moving on would be thrilling. It was depressing. Demeaning. Demoralizing.
I'm a few years out from empty nest and feel much better about it now but damn those first few years were ROUGH
I would reevaluate my self-concept and the things that mattered to me in the event of a life transition, Ellen Scherr. In such moments, I look around for volunteer work and come aboard noble causes. I see life transitions as a way to satisfy my need for transcendence and I refrain from reinventing the wheel.
This captures the messy middle of midlife so well, I feel I went through this younger than many of my friends, along with reaching menopause at 45. They're in their early 50's experiencing perimenopause and are asking many of these midlife questions, wondering what's next.
For me the transition has taken a good few years of unravelling, but it's so worth it, because as I approach 52 I feel I'm more authentic than I've ever been in my life. No longer feeling the need to please others, if it means abandoning myself. Feeling thankful to who I needed to be and excited to see how this new chapter unfolds.
This midlifing is a rite of passage we need to honour and it's why I do what I do now. And it's great to see posts like this, because it validates such an important transformative experience for women. The more we talk about it, the more we give ourselves permission to embody who we're becoming.
I found the book Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes by William Bridges really helpful, and love his quote: "Without transition, a change is just a rearrangement of furniture." Which speaks to the internal reorientation process necessary, not just at midlife, whenever we find ourselves facing changes in our life.
You're right Ellen - this is an interesting moment.
For me it's been 18 years of a relationship, home, and rugged rural artesite all ending together - and me staring at the crossroads wondering which way I'll go next.
I'm a bit excited now, amidst the revisiting moments of bamboozlement and apprehension :)
“You’re stuck between who you were and who you’re becoming. You’re in the identity in-between. The life liminal space.”
Yep .. that’s me.. right there. The one not wearing a carer uniform everyday any more, the one with one foot in my present home and one foot in the one I’m hoping to buy .. that’s me.
What lights me up. Writing ✍🏻 about life from my ever increasing backstory, to help others not fall into the same potholes I found myself in.
Wow. This one really hit me HARD! This is exactly what I'm experiencing right now. I'm currently undefined, and undefined feels like “nobody.” But undefined is actually PRE-DEFINITION. I'm in between chapters - and I'm not 'nobody' - I'm compost
This space is definitely icky! Thank you for normalizing it. I’m realizing the “yoga studio owner” role mattered much more than the corporate identity, but retiring both within a space of five weeks still has me reeling. I remind myself I’m simply coming back to “author and retreat host”, identities that fit like a well-worn gloves I’m slipping on after five years in the drawer.
I’ve spent this year recovering from being a caregiver to my mom who passed in June, and also stepped away from my teaching job after 20 years. I taught yoga and worked with an after school program, traveled and managed an Airbnb…and now I am feeling a sense of dread as I consider returning to teach next year.
Simply put, I don’t think I want to.
“You can honor your old identity and still build something completely different,” hit me hard. THIS! It’s like the permission I’ve been waiting for to say that teaching is no longer it for me and I am “allowed to matter in entirely new ways.”
Way past midlife (68) but wondering when I get to do exactly what I want! My husband who didn’t seem that much older than me when we got married now feels like I’m living with his (asshole) dad. So stuck in guilt and also my own inertia. Really ready for a big change.
Beautifully expressed. Yes - letting go of the old way of providing value. Not finding new ways into the same old misery that is familiar. That’s my take-out. Thank you.
Every one of your posts allows me to breathe more deeply. To feel fundamentally okay. To celebrate the age I am and the wisdom I’ve gathered in 57 years. Thank you.
Thanks! Yes. At 58, retired as a nurse practitioner but keeping the RN alive because I teach yoga, run sacred women’s circles and heal with reiki and energy work which has built an entire community of amazing women in my life. You must dump that old pot of petunias and gently water and nuture seeds but wow….i got a taste and now I can’t wait for the entire harvest!
Being a stay at home mom for most of my kids lives, I thought them moving out and moving on would be thrilling. It was depressing. Demeaning. Demoralizing.
I'm a few years out from empty nest and feel much better about it now but damn those first few years were ROUGH
I would reevaluate my self-concept and the things that mattered to me in the event of a life transition, Ellen Scherr. In such moments, I look around for volunteer work and come aboard noble causes. I see life transitions as a way to satisfy my need for transcendence and I refrain from reinventing the wheel.
This captures the messy middle of midlife so well, I feel I went through this younger than many of my friends, along with reaching menopause at 45. They're in their early 50's experiencing perimenopause and are asking many of these midlife questions, wondering what's next.
For me the transition has taken a good few years of unravelling, but it's so worth it, because as I approach 52 I feel I'm more authentic than I've ever been in my life. No longer feeling the need to please others, if it means abandoning myself. Feeling thankful to who I needed to be and excited to see how this new chapter unfolds.
This midlifing is a rite of passage we need to honour and it's why I do what I do now. And it's great to see posts like this, because it validates such an important transformative experience for women. The more we talk about it, the more we give ourselves permission to embody who we're becoming.
I found the book Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes by William Bridges really helpful, and love his quote: "Without transition, a change is just a rearrangement of furniture." Which speaks to the internal reorientation process necessary, not just at midlife, whenever we find ourselves facing changes in our life.
You're right Ellen - this is an interesting moment.
For me it's been 18 years of a relationship, home, and rugged rural artesite all ending together - and me staring at the crossroads wondering which way I'll go next.
I'm a bit excited now, amidst the revisiting moments of bamboozlement and apprehension :)
“You’re stuck between who you were and who you’re becoming. You’re in the identity in-between. The life liminal space.”
Yep .. that’s me.. right there. The one not wearing a carer uniform everyday any more, the one with one foot in my present home and one foot in the one I’m hoping to buy .. that’s me.
What lights me up. Writing ✍🏻 about life from my ever increasing backstory, to help others not fall into the same potholes I found myself in.
Sometimes it isn’t just losing the role - it’s losing the mirror that kept confirming who you were all day.
When that feedback stops, people think they lost themselves, when really they lost the place they were continuously reflected.
Ah, life in the middle. It’s full of many ends and beginnings. Such great writing!
Wow. This one really hit me HARD! This is exactly what I'm experiencing right now. I'm currently undefined, and undefined feels like “nobody.” But undefined is actually PRE-DEFINITION. I'm in between chapters - and I'm not 'nobody' - I'm compost
Ellen, this is vital for me at this time.
I need to savor this in small bites.
Thank you!!!!!
This space is definitely icky! Thank you for normalizing it. I’m realizing the “yoga studio owner” role mattered much more than the corporate identity, but retiring both within a space of five weeks still has me reeling. I remind myself I’m simply coming back to “author and retreat host”, identities that fit like a well-worn gloves I’m slipping on after five years in the drawer.
This just put into words exactly what I've been feeling... thank you ❤️❤️
This article was exactly what I needed to read.
I’ve spent this year recovering from being a caregiver to my mom who passed in June, and also stepped away from my teaching job after 20 years. I taught yoga and worked with an after school program, traveled and managed an Airbnb…and now I am feeling a sense of dread as I consider returning to teach next year.
Simply put, I don’t think I want to.
“You can honor your old identity and still build something completely different,” hit me hard. THIS! It’s like the permission I’ve been waiting for to say that teaching is no longer it for me and I am “allowed to matter in entirely new ways.”
Thank you.