She’s Not Quitting — She’s Quitely Being Forced Out
Her Silence Isn’t Peace. It’s Pain No One Notices.
She's the one who remembers where everything is. The one who knows exactly what the client needs, who can ask the right question in a meeting, and somehow keeps the entire department from falling apart.
She's incredibly good at her job. But she is in midlife quietly drowning.
I see these women in my therapy practice every week. They sit across from me describing a fatigue that sleep can't fix and a overwhelm that vacation days can't help. They're experiencing what I call "invisible burnout"—the kind that doesn't show up in sick days or missed deadlines, but in the slow decline of joy, energy, and hope.
They feel “stuck” with no where to go.
But here's the thing nobody wants to talk about: her burnout doesn't look like the exhausted millennial scrolling TikTok at 2 AM or the frazzled new parent juggling Zoom calls with diaper changes. Her burnout is different. It's quieter. More insidious. And more dangerous.
The Perfect Storm of Expectations
Women at a certain age get caught in what I call the "competence trap." They've spent decades proving themselves, climbing ladders, and breaking glass ceilings. They're the ones everyone turns to when things need to get done. They're reliable. Experienced. Unbreakable.
Except they're not. They're human beings carrying an impossible load.
Think about it: these women are often sandwiched between aging parents and children (sometimes adult children who boomerang back home). They're hitting their professional stride just as their bodies start shouting perimenopause and menopause. They're dealing with hormone fluctuations that would make a teenager's mood swings look like tiny ripples in a river, while being expected to perform at their peak professionally.
And here's the kicker: they're often doing it all while their male counterparts are being celebrated for their "seasoned wisdom" and "executive presence."
The Weight of Being "The Reliable One"
Here's what nobody talks about. You've spent two decades proving yourself, and now everyone assumes you can handle anything. Need someone to train the new hire? She’ll do it. Client emergency on Friday night? She's got it covered. Difficult conversation that needs to happen? She's the diplomatic one.
It's like being really good at carrying heavy things, so people keep adding more weight to your load until your back breaks.
One client told me, "I feel like I'm everyone's Swiss Army knife. Useful for everything, appreciated by everyone, but never allowed to just be a regular knife that cuts bread."
The metaphor stuck with me because it captures something profound: when you're seen as infinitely capable, you, as a person, gets forgotten.
The Symptoms Nobody Recognizes
Traditional burnout symptoms, the ones HR departments love to put in their wellness newsletters don't always apply here. These women aren't necessarily missing deadlines or showing up disheveled. Instead, their burnout shows up as:
The perpetual "I'm fine" syndrome. They've mastered the art of appearing composed while their nervous system runs on fumes.
Decision fatigue on steroids. After decades of making everyone else's life easier, what to have for lunch becomes an overwhelming task.
The Sunday anxiety. Weekend recovery isn't enough anymore when Monday morning feels like running a marathon you never signed up for.
Physical symptoms that get dismissed. Headaches, sleep issues, digestive problems—all chalked up to "getting older" instead of chronic stress.
Why the Workplace Fails Them
Most organizations are designed with a certain worker in mind: someone with minimal caregiving responsibilities, stable health, and linear career progression. They're not built for women who might need flexibility for a parent's medical appointment, understanding during hormonal transitions, or recognition that their 20 years of experience might be worth more than a 30-year-old's eagerness to work 70-hour weeks.
The workplace treats burnout like a personal failing rather than a systemic issue. Their boss asks, "Have you tried meditation?" as if the solution to overwhelm is individual zen.
It's like offering a band-aid for a broken bone and wondering why the healing isn't happening.
The Body Keeps Score
What makes this particularly cruel is the timing. Just as these women hit their professional stride, their bodies start having opinions about the stress they've been carrying. Perimenopause doesn't care about your promotion timeline. Hormonal changes don't care about your client presentation schedule.
Sleep becomes elusive. Concentration diminishes. Energy crashes hit like unexpected lightening in a storm. And instead of recognizing these as normal biological processes, we expect these women to power through with the same intensity they had at 25.
It's like expecting a marathon runner to maintain their pace while carrying progressively heavier weights. Eventually, something has to give.
Women Are Masking Masters
These women have become experts at the art of "I'm fine." They've learned to:
Schedule their meltdowns for bathroom breaks and in their car
Perfect the smile that says "everything's under control"
Answer "How are you?" with practiced enthusiasm while their nervous system screams for help
Take on additional responsibilities rather than admit they're at capacity
They're so skilled at appearing okay that even they sometimes believe their own performance.
In therapy, I often ask, "When was the last time you said 'I can't handle this' to someone?" There is always silence that follows.
Most workplaces operate on a simple equation: if you're showing up and getting things done, you must be fine. They miss the subtle signs because they're not looking for them.
Companies celebrate these women's consistency while completely missing their slow emotional collapse.
The Real Cost
When these women finally reach their breaking point—and they do—organizations don't just lose an employee. They lose:
Two decades of company knowledge
The person everyone went to for answers
Often their most emotionally intelligent problem-solver
The glue that held teams together
But the personal cost is is devastating. These women often sacrifice their health, relationships, and sense of self to maintain their professional reputation. They become ghosts of themselves, going through the motions while their inner world crumbles. They've been so focused on being what everyone needed that they've lost touch with who they are.
A Personal Note
I specialize in working with women experiencing workplace burnout because I've seen too many brilliant, capable women leave careers they loved. Not because they weren't good enough, but because of superhuman demands.
These women aren't asking to do less work. They're asking to do it in a way that doesn't require sacrificing their health, their families, or their sense of self.
The Path Forward
Here's what I tell the women in midlife who are fatigued and unmotivated. Your worth isn't measured by your ability to handle unlimited stress. I get it – women in their 50’s are being “pushed” out of the workforce and are scared. Too early to retire, and now have to figure out what their next career path looks like.
You've spent decades being what everyone else needed you to be. Maybe it's time to figure out what you need.
Have you experienced this invisible burnout? Are you watching it happen to someone you care about? The conversation matters, and your voice matters too.