I was just pondering messaging an old friend of mine to go for coffee and felt so bad that I was thinking God this will be hard work because we have nothing in common and our lives are so different. After reading this I feel at peace I don't feel like I need to force a coffee date . Thankyou x
"relief and grief aren't opposites. they're companions." that line is everything. because we've been taught that if we feel relief when something ends, it means we didn't care. but sometimes the relief is proof that we cared too much, for too long, about the wrong thing. the guilt that comes with outgrowing a friendship is real - but it's grief, not a sign you made the wrong call. the friendships that were meant to last do. and the ones that quietly dissolve were already over. we were just the last ones to say it out loud.
I really understand this… and I think it’s something most of us go through but don’t often admit.
I’ve had friendships like that, where nothing went wrong, they just sort of… ran their course. And I stayed longer than I probably should have, out of history more than anything else.
What you said about that feeling of relief felt very true to me. It’s a strange one, because part of you thinks you ought to feel guilty, but in the end that relief says more than anything else.
I’ve found the same, fewer friends now but much better ones. The sort you can actually be yourself with, not feel like you’re playing a part or filling a space.
And that middle ground you talked about… not cutting someone off, just letting it gently fade… that feels like the kindest way, for everyone really.
There is a sadness to it though, like closing a chapter you didn’t quite realise was ending. But also a bit of freedom in it too. 🌹
Definitely something relatable for me. I released all of these relationships years ago and some dissolved because of a program I used to follow called: Pick people who abandon you. And of course those are released to help you get to a higher vibration.
this one got me, because I just did this… like 20+ years of history, and no big blow up, just that quiet knowing that it didn’t fit anymore. the relief part is real but so is grieving the version of you that kept it going for that long.✨
Friendships are such an integral part of our lives. And what you have said is so true. The toxic pretence is so draining and when we leave them behind, those that stay are what draw us through the good and bad times. Our people who know the real us.
I ended a 30+ year friendship a few years ago. I got the “did I do something/say something wrong?” “We’ve been friends for 33 years!” She didn’t do anything “wrong”. It’s just that we’d been talking about THE SAME THINGS for 33years and I just didn’t want to talk about them any more. I gave hints, changed the subject, told her directly and she didn’t get it. It was time for me to move on and I told her that. Then I went silent. Then I went no contact. I was relieved. My life is much more quiet now and I love that. I honestly don’t know what took me so long.
Wow, this has really resonated with me. So deep. I distanced myself from people and believed it was me who was the strange one. But I realised quickly I didnt want the drama that came with these people . I’ve never been happier and feeling more like myself 💖
my revelation: some friendships are historical, of a time...and that’s ok for me, in that context. I have female friends from our neighborhood, connected by place and experiences, going thru elementary-high school, kick the can, and Girl Scouts. But....that was 50 years ago and I am, they are, different people.
I was just pondering messaging an old friend of mine to go for coffee and felt so bad that I was thinking God this will be hard work because we have nothing in common and our lives are so different. After reading this I feel at peace I don't feel like I need to force a coffee date . Thankyou x
"relief and grief aren't opposites. they're companions." that line is everything. because we've been taught that if we feel relief when something ends, it means we didn't care. but sometimes the relief is proof that we cared too much, for too long, about the wrong thing. the guilt that comes with outgrowing a friendship is real - but it's grief, not a sign you made the wrong call. the friendships that were meant to last do. and the ones that quietly dissolve were already over. we were just the last ones to say it out loud.
Ahhhhh so much resonance here. I’ve ended friendships quietly and not so quietly. Thank you for writing this
This is exactly where I am - letting go - evaluating what I want out of my friendships and allowing myself to grow as I want to ❤️🙏🏻
This was a good one!
I really understand this… and I think it’s something most of us go through but don’t often admit.
I’ve had friendships like that, where nothing went wrong, they just sort of… ran their course. And I stayed longer than I probably should have, out of history more than anything else.
What you said about that feeling of relief felt very true to me. It’s a strange one, because part of you thinks you ought to feel guilty, but in the end that relief says more than anything else.
I’ve found the same, fewer friends now but much better ones. The sort you can actually be yourself with, not feel like you’re playing a part or filling a space.
And that middle ground you talked about… not cutting someone off, just letting it gently fade… that feels like the kindest way, for everyone really.
There is a sadness to it though, like closing a chapter you didn’t quite realise was ending. But also a bit of freedom in it too. 🌹
Oh dam. I feel this one!
You can know things at your core but taking physical action to address them can feel so difficult.
Truer words were never spoken
Definitely something relatable for me. I released all of these relationships years ago and some dissolved because of a program I used to follow called: Pick people who abandon you. And of course those are released to help you get to a higher vibration.
this one got me, because I just did this… like 20+ years of history, and no big blow up, just that quiet knowing that it didn’t fit anymore. the relief part is real but so is grieving the version of you that kept it going for that long.✨
Friendships are such an integral part of our lives. And what you have said is so true. The toxic pretence is so draining and when we leave them behind, those that stay are what draw us through the good and bad times. Our people who know the real us.
I ended a 30+ year friendship a few years ago. I got the “did I do something/say something wrong?” “We’ve been friends for 33 years!” She didn’t do anything “wrong”. It’s just that we’d been talking about THE SAME THINGS for 33years and I just didn’t want to talk about them any more. I gave hints, changed the subject, told her directly and she didn’t get it. It was time for me to move on and I told her that. Then I went silent. Then I went no contact. I was relieved. My life is much more quiet now and I love that. I honestly don’t know what took me so long.
Wow, this has really resonated with me. So deep. I distanced myself from people and believed it was me who was the strange one. But I realised quickly I didnt want the drama that came with these people . I’ve never been happier and feeling more like myself 💖
My over 25 years old friendship started crumble and then she also decided to steal my husband. Now they are both history…..
Oh, my goodness. That was terrible. Poor you 🌹
Beautifully crafted. And real. Thanks so much.
my revelation: some friendships are historical, of a time...and that’s ok for me, in that context. I have female friends from our neighborhood, connected by place and experiences, going thru elementary-high school, kick the can, and Girl Scouts. But....that was 50 years ago and I am, they are, different people.