I needed to read this. Thank you. For me, I'm thinking in terms of 'This decade I'm learning.' And yes! "rebuilding tools" the discovery that an experienced, competent person in one sphere lacks in others... still working what's transferrable and which are those to invest energy into developing. Love learning but sometimes...
Thank you. What I really appreciated about this piece is how honest it is about the aftermath of change. So much writing about midlife reinvention focuses on the courage of leaving, choosing yourself, or starting over, but this post gives equal weight to what comes next: the awkwardness, the grief, the nervous-system confusion, and the long stretch of rebuilding that rarely looks inspiring in real time. I thought that was both compassionate and psychologically accurate. The points about missing things you hated, not being able to skip the awkward phase, and discovering that the timeline is longer than expected were especially strong because they validate experiences many women quietly feel but do not always hear named so clearly. 
One nuance that could make the piece even stronger is adding just a little more structure around what helps people move through this phase, not just endure it. The emotional truth lands very well, but readers in the thick of it may also benefit from a few clearer anchors for the rebuilding process itself, whether that is community, therapy, rituals, physical health, financial stabilization, or small identity-building practices. In other words, the diagnosis of the “messy middle” is excellent; a bit more scaffolding for how to navigate it could deepen the practical impact even further. 
Overall, I thought this was a deeply validating and humane piece. It does something valuable by reminding readers that discomfort after a major life change is not necessarily evidence of a wrong decision, but often part of the recalibration that follows a brave one. Beautifully done!
Spot on! I would add one more - Savor the Good Days - that one step forward, that day you chose to cancel everything or went for an Artist date with yourself /your bestie - these good days count!
I have never felt more capable and powerful in my life than now - even on those two reps back days - I know I’m building for real and this too shall pass.
So helpful! Thank you for the encouragement! Starting over is really hard and feels very lonely. It’s helpful to know the discomfort isn’t a sign of failing, or that you can’t/won’t figure it out.
I went through a divorce that was genuinely horrific, and at the time I could not see anything beyond the wreckage of it. What saved me was choosing myself, and choosing love again, even when I was terrified to trust it.
I chose to be with the love of my life, Tim, and that choice quietly changed everything.
Rebuilding after something that breaks you like that is slow and awkward and deeply humbling, but it can also open a completely different kind of life. Not louder. Not shinier. Just truer.
Thank you for naming this messy middle so honestly. It helps more than you know. 🌹
I was able to retire about 5 yrs ago while my husband remained working. These last couple years i wasn't thinking about My well adjusted daily intentions that were already in place, when he began to talk of His retirement. All of the alarms went off to launch his social security, enroll him with Medicare and supplemental coverage and last but not least the drug coverage. We had been set for years with group insurance that I actually understood and could manage. These types of household duties have been mine to handle in our home.The effort to man-handle these necessities was creeping in upon me. With a little counsel the navigation began. I bet I shouted " how confusing" with a few cuss words a millon times. All the literature, glossy pamphlets, and paragraphs to sift through about choices was like a labyrinth. I felt more like a mouse in a maze, than in a garden of beauty. All enrollments were timely, ID cards were issued, offices and pharmacies notified of changes and it came to my mind that it wasn't easy at all. Quotes were iffy because "we don't know" about how much your premiums will be with a new year coming. Well...one thing is for certain. They won't be less than are right now. Are my meds covered? Which drug name is generic ?
Is it on your "formulary" list ?
OMG. I was in need of a beach and no mail or phone for 10 days. I didn't want to talk to anyone !!!!! All is calmer now but my pristine daily duties for mindfulness, living in the present and awareness became frazzled and tattered. Im going to reinstate my personal calm while my husband reads all the literature I've kept for his pleasure in his free time.
Absolutely…all of it! Thank you for sharing these truly helpful words and laying out the deep rich hard work that must go on when cutting that path back to yourself. And thank you for reposting Blu :)
I needed to read this. Thank you. For me, I'm thinking in terms of 'This decade I'm learning.' And yes! "rebuilding tools" the discovery that an experienced, competent person in one sphere lacks in others... still working what's transferrable and which are those to invest energy into developing. Love learning but sometimes...
I’m in a version of this right now, and it’s both disorienting and strangely clarifying. You put words to parts I haven’t been able to explain yet.
Thank you. What I really appreciated about this piece is how honest it is about the aftermath of change. So much writing about midlife reinvention focuses on the courage of leaving, choosing yourself, or starting over, but this post gives equal weight to what comes next: the awkwardness, the grief, the nervous-system confusion, and the long stretch of rebuilding that rarely looks inspiring in real time. I thought that was both compassionate and psychologically accurate. The points about missing things you hated, not being able to skip the awkward phase, and discovering that the timeline is longer than expected were especially strong because they validate experiences many women quietly feel but do not always hear named so clearly. 
One nuance that could make the piece even stronger is adding just a little more structure around what helps people move through this phase, not just endure it. The emotional truth lands very well, but readers in the thick of it may also benefit from a few clearer anchors for the rebuilding process itself, whether that is community, therapy, rituals, physical health, financial stabilization, or small identity-building practices. In other words, the diagnosis of the “messy middle” is excellent; a bit more scaffolding for how to navigate it could deepen the practical impact even further. 
Overall, I thought this was a deeply validating and humane piece. It does something valuable by reminding readers that discomfort after a major life change is not necessarily evidence of a wrong decision, but often part of the recalibration that follows a brave one. Beautifully done!
Spot on! I would add one more - Savor the Good Days - that one step forward, that day you chose to cancel everything or went for an Artist date with yourself /your bestie - these good days count!
I have never felt more capable and powerful in my life than now - even on those two reps back days - I know I’m building for real and this too shall pass.
So helpful! Thank you for the encouragement! Starting over is really hard and feels very lonely. It’s helpful to know the discomfort isn’t a sign of failing, or that you can’t/won’t figure it out.
It took me 15 years to rebuild me & my life post divorce, bankruptcy & homelessness in my 50's!! But boy was it worth the work and the wait!!!
I'm glad you found your way back to you x
Your articles are always so helpful. Thank you so much! 🙏🏽
I really felt this.
I went through a divorce that was genuinely horrific, and at the time I could not see anything beyond the wreckage of it. What saved me was choosing myself, and choosing love again, even when I was terrified to trust it.
I chose to be with the love of my life, Tim, and that choice quietly changed everything.
Rebuilding after something that breaks you like that is slow and awkward and deeply humbling, but it can also open a completely different kind of life. Not louder. Not shinier. Just truer.
Thank you for naming this messy middle so honestly. It helps more than you know. 🌹
I like all of these. 5 really hit. I am learning new stuff to cope. It has been eye opening. I am stronger but wow what a ride.
All of it.
Explained with so much clarity! It is the very exact senario! 💛
Thank you. I feel seen 💜
I was able to retire about 5 yrs ago while my husband remained working. These last couple years i wasn't thinking about My well adjusted daily intentions that were already in place, when he began to talk of His retirement. All of the alarms went off to launch his social security, enroll him with Medicare and supplemental coverage and last but not least the drug coverage. We had been set for years with group insurance that I actually understood and could manage. These types of household duties have been mine to handle in our home.The effort to man-handle these necessities was creeping in upon me. With a little counsel the navigation began. I bet I shouted " how confusing" with a few cuss words a millon times. All the literature, glossy pamphlets, and paragraphs to sift through about choices was like a labyrinth. I felt more like a mouse in a maze, than in a garden of beauty. All enrollments were timely, ID cards were issued, offices and pharmacies notified of changes and it came to my mind that it wasn't easy at all. Quotes were iffy because "we don't know" about how much your premiums will be with a new year coming. Well...one thing is for certain. They won't be less than are right now. Are my meds covered? Which drug name is generic ?
Is it on your "formulary" list ?
OMG. I was in need of a beach and no mail or phone for 10 days. I didn't want to talk to anyone !!!!! All is calmer now but my pristine daily duties for mindfulness, living in the present and awareness became frazzled and tattered. Im going to reinstate my personal calm while my husband reads all the literature I've kept for his pleasure in his free time.
I’m in it! See myself so much in this post. Thank you.
Absolutely…all of it! Thank you for sharing these truly helpful words and laying out the deep rich hard work that must go on when cutting that path back to yourself. And thank you for reposting Blu :)
Thank you for this. In the midst of it.