Thanks so much for this piece I loved reading it & agree completely! So important to talk about how older women are regarded (or disregarded!) in society & yet how much wisdom we carry. 🙏🏻
100% agree except for the fact that I no longer keep my cool. I'm not sure if this is the no f's given part or just my frustration & anger about become more invisible (becase I'm a petite woman, so I've never been particularly visible to begin with).
I appreciated this piece and found a lot in it that resonated. The way you describe the midlife paradox — becoming better at judgment, synthesis, and emotional regulation while believing the opposite — feels true and well observed. I especially valued how clearly you named the cultural obsession with youth and how easily we internalize it.
One thought I kept sitting with as I read, though, is that the invisibility you describe doesn’t always stop at misrecognition in midlife. For many women — and men — it deepens later into something closer to irrelevance, or at least the fear of it. Not just “people don’t notice my competence anymore,” but “the world no longer seems organized around needing what I know.”
At 50, the work may be reclaiming confidence and authority before we prematurely give it up. Later in life, the question often shifts: how do we redefine competence, contribution, and meaning when some capacities genuinely change and when recognition narrows even further?
I don’t see that as a contradiction of your argument — more an extension of it. Naming that longer arc might help readers feel less alone not only in midlife doubt, but in the quieter, harder work of later-life adaptation.
In any case, thank you for a piece that took aging seriously rather than sentimentally. That alone feels rare.
But - sometimes social reality cuts deep. I am a vigorous 73, and was recently fired from my part time job via email (!). I believe there were a number of factors, including my anti Trump politics, but the strongest reason was probably the retirement of our department head, and his replacement by a 30 year old woman. I have seen the pattern of “out with the old” when a new, young boss is hired a number of times; they replace old staff with young, new ones. I am in environmental education (or was, anyway), and my depth of knowledge is far beyond the new hires. But, they are prettier and more perky than an old hag like me. The fact that I know more isn’t that much of a solace. I’m trying to re-invent myself in my dotage, now.
I feel you 😢 what’s fun tho is watching the new hires flounder and take three people to half-ass the job you handled so competently that you made it look easy. And now they’re paying three people to do the job one person carried for years with no compensation or recognition. All because of agism. 🫤
Nailed it! No notes. It's just so important that we remember that we live in a culture that needs us but doesn't want to admit it. It is not designed to pay us in the back and it is designed to invalidate what we have to say. Any and all resources will be used to attain that end.
Also I will say if you're married or close to a male "peer" they are declining faster than we are. They're not as healthy, they're not as innovative, they have gotten by on orivelege a lot of the time and never had a reason to be sharp let alone stay sharp..
.we watch them and it affects how we see ourselves as if we are matched pairs. This is just my observation, married women take fewer chances and talk .it's about how they're ",so old" and I don't hear that asuch from unmarried women. ...everyone should seriously stop saying that, it's bad for our brains.
Thanks so much for this piece I loved reading it & agree completely! So important to talk about how older women are regarded (or disregarded!) in society & yet how much wisdom we carry. 🙏🏻
Thank you sister
100% agree except for the fact that I no longer keep my cool. I'm not sure if this is the no f's given part or just my frustration & anger about become more invisible (becase I'm a petite woman, so I've never been particularly visible to begin with).
I appreciated this piece and found a lot in it that resonated. The way you describe the midlife paradox — becoming better at judgment, synthesis, and emotional regulation while believing the opposite — feels true and well observed. I especially valued how clearly you named the cultural obsession with youth and how easily we internalize it.
One thought I kept sitting with as I read, though, is that the invisibility you describe doesn’t always stop at misrecognition in midlife. For many women — and men — it deepens later into something closer to irrelevance, or at least the fear of it. Not just “people don’t notice my competence anymore,” but “the world no longer seems organized around needing what I know.”
At 50, the work may be reclaiming confidence and authority before we prematurely give it up. Later in life, the question often shifts: how do we redefine competence, contribution, and meaning when some capacities genuinely change and when recognition narrows even further?
I don’t see that as a contradiction of your argument — more an extension of it. Naming that longer arc might help readers feel less alone not only in midlife doubt, but in the quieter, harder work of later-life adaptation.
In any case, thank you for a piece that took aging seriously rather than sentimentally. That alone feels rare.
But - sometimes social reality cuts deep. I am a vigorous 73, and was recently fired from my part time job via email (!). I believe there were a number of factors, including my anti Trump politics, but the strongest reason was probably the retirement of our department head, and his replacement by a 30 year old woman. I have seen the pattern of “out with the old” when a new, young boss is hired a number of times; they replace old staff with young, new ones. I am in environmental education (or was, anyway), and my depth of knowledge is far beyond the new hires. But, they are prettier and more perky than an old hag like me. The fact that I know more isn’t that much of a solace. I’m trying to re-invent myself in my dotage, now.
I feel you 😢 what’s fun tho is watching the new hires flounder and take three people to half-ass the job you handled so competently that you made it look easy. And now they’re paying three people to do the job one person carried for years with no compensation or recognition. All because of agism. 🫤
This is brilliantly written
💕
Well this made my 58 year old self happy today!
Nailed it! No notes. It's just so important that we remember that we live in a culture that needs us but doesn't want to admit it. It is not designed to pay us in the back and it is designed to invalidate what we have to say. Any and all resources will be used to attain that end.
Also I will say if you're married or close to a male "peer" they are declining faster than we are. They're not as healthy, they're not as innovative, they have gotten by on orivelege a lot of the time and never had a reason to be sharp let alone stay sharp..
.we watch them and it affects how we see ourselves as if we are matched pairs. This is just my observation, married women take fewer chances and talk .it's about how they're ",so old" and I don't hear that asuch from unmarried women. ...everyone should seriously stop saying that, it's bad for our brains.
Wonderful perspectives. So true about my messy 30 year old self and the high light reel I remember!
Thank you!
Ellen, this is so good! I so need this! — Amy at The Midst