From my late 40's on, I felt this disappearing acutely. I knew it would come at that point in life, but it still surprised me. The sadness and pain of it. Who was I? I had to process and grieve what I had lost for a quite a while, having been considered beautiful as a younger woman, and receiving attention in both positive and negative ways, and often resenting it, but still being used to receiving it. I was spoiled. And I didn't know how to be as this suddenly older, invisible woman. It took me several years before I could embrace my aging, my no longer beautiful appearance. I knew I needed something to fall back on if I was to have any sense of existence at all. For me, it was my mind, my intelligence, my years of accumulated knowledge and experience. I had never been encouraged regarding any of that. My mother's messaging had been all about my looks, with a mere passing acknowledgment of any kind of mental capacity. I had so little regard or respect for myself in those terms. It took years of struggle to finally begin to accept that I was more than my face and body. I am 70 now. Old and hag-like. But I have never felt more free, or content in my own identity.
I can’t tell you how much this hit home. I have a closet of my go to dvf wrap dresses that made me feel good - and now I just stare at them in disbelief…. Also struggling with a chronic illness that makes exercise difficult it’s a double whammy … thank you clothes use to be my armor to fake it til I made it esp with this illness … and taken away has been a difficult transition that I still haven’t made peace with …
There’s such a quiet, defiant grace in that shift from being watched by the world to finally being seen by yourself. I actually love it myself - wonderfully written ✨
Becoming a crone is a empowering life transition, often occurring around age 50-60 or post-menopause, marking a shift from mother to a wise woman of power, experience, and freedom. It is a conscious, spiritual evolution—or "third act"—embracing the archetype of the "wise elder" who shares knowledge and embraces her own truth. - Google
Thank you for this piece. It really cohersed me into thinking about somethings. I never enjoy being objectified, it give me a great deal of anxiety and hyper awareness. Yuck! Now I get to exist the way I want to. Only the way I to. I love the wisdom that comes with being mature. I never want to be young again. It was treatourous for me. To me, I show up more than I ever did when I was younger. Youth is wonderful but maturity is a beautiful. Middle finger to everyone who chooses not to see me or expects me to shrink.
Excellent description of the emotional journey of aging. I loved the statement about how when you put on something that feels right, that's because it is you. I'm 63, recently divorced, and I feel like I am returning to myself and being in comfortable clothes helps a lot.
To me, it's liberating. I wish that I had more years in my life like this up to this point. I am no longer being the precise target for the male gaze is wonderful. Of course, I still have to "fend" my husband off, but that's actually lovely.
I want to believe that I am not alone in aspiring to be unassuming. Anyone who has been actively targeted craves moving around incognito, Ellen Scherr.
With you on the ageing and clothes thing but certainly do NOT feel invisible and never have. Certainly not conditioned to feel unimportant either? Not in British culture. As for being small, I was already and now I have osteoporosis I’m getting smaller by the day. This I hate but it’s nothing to do with cultural training. Maybe things are very different in USA?
Thank you for sharing on this important topic. I am in the beginning stages of this aging game. On one hand you are being told to be small but emotionally I am done with "smallness". I am trying to find and be authentically and unapologetically me. This is what I'm exploring in my writing. ✍️ Glad to not be alone in this.
From my late 40's on, I felt this disappearing acutely. I knew it would come at that point in life, but it still surprised me. The sadness and pain of it. Who was I? I had to process and grieve what I had lost for a quite a while, having been considered beautiful as a younger woman, and receiving attention in both positive and negative ways, and often resenting it, but still being used to receiving it. I was spoiled. And I didn't know how to be as this suddenly older, invisible woman. It took me several years before I could embrace my aging, my no longer beautiful appearance. I knew I needed something to fall back on if I was to have any sense of existence at all. For me, it was my mind, my intelligence, my years of accumulated knowledge and experience. I had never been encouraged regarding any of that. My mother's messaging had been all about my looks, with a mere passing acknowledgment of any kind of mental capacity. I had so little regard or respect for myself in those terms. It took years of struggle to finally begin to accept that I was more than my face and body. I am 70 now. Old and hag-like. But I have never felt more free, or content in my own identity.
As I’ve matured, I’ve totally embraced colour and will not wear black or pastels. Bold and intentional, my style matches my personality.
I can’t tell you how much this hit home. I have a closet of my go to dvf wrap dresses that made me feel good - and now I just stare at them in disbelief…. Also struggling with a chronic illness that makes exercise difficult it’s a double whammy … thank you clothes use to be my armor to fake it til I made it esp with this illness … and taken away has been a difficult transition that I still haven’t made peace with …
There’s such a quiet, defiant grace in that shift from being watched by the world to finally being seen by yourself. I actually love it myself - wonderfully written ✨
Becoming a crone is a empowering life transition, often occurring around age 50-60 or post-menopause, marking a shift from mother to a wise woman of power, experience, and freedom. It is a conscious, spiritual evolution—or "third act"—embracing the archetype of the "wise elder" who shares knowledge and embraces her own truth. - Google
Thank you for this piece. It really cohersed me into thinking about somethings. I never enjoy being objectified, it give me a great deal of anxiety and hyper awareness. Yuck! Now I get to exist the way I want to. Only the way I to. I love the wisdom that comes with being mature. I never want to be young again. It was treatourous for me. To me, I show up more than I ever did when I was younger. Youth is wonderful but maturity is a beautiful. Middle finger to everyone who chooses not to see me or expects me to shrink.
Never really felt I disappeared. Have always dressed for myself, even when I aged and changed shape. An interesting article.
Very well said.
Excellent description of the emotional journey of aging. I loved the statement about how when you put on something that feels right, that's because it is you. I'm 63, recently divorced, and I feel like I am returning to myself and being in comfortable clothes helps a lot.
Love this and am in the middle of it ALL!! So glad to know I am not alone. ❤️
I am not grieving, no longer being for the male gaze, because I didn't hang my self worth on it.
To me, it's liberating. I wish that I had more years in my life like this up to this point. I am no longer being the precise target for the male gaze is wonderful. Of course, I still have to "fend" my husband off, but that's actually lovely.
I want to believe that I am not alone in aspiring to be unassuming. Anyone who has been actively targeted craves moving around incognito, Ellen Scherr.
With you on the ageing and clothes thing but certainly do NOT feel invisible and never have. Certainly not conditioned to feel unimportant either? Not in British culture. As for being small, I was already and now I have osteoporosis I’m getting smaller by the day. This I hate but it’s nothing to do with cultural training. Maybe things are very different in USA?
Thank you for sharing on this important topic. I am in the beginning stages of this aging game. On one hand you are being told to be small but emotionally I am done with "smallness". I am trying to find and be authentically and unapologetically me. This is what I'm exploring in my writing. ✍️ Glad to not be alone in this.
I love your writing. Really so smart . And you look Mahvelous !!! 😍