I spent 3 years off work from burn out. I recently went back to work (in a job that I used to do in my 20’s and 30’s) in July and made it until January.
My body stopped me before my brain did- got so sick. The gift of that was having time to rest and heal and listen to what my soul was screaming! This is NOT who you are anymore, Terra! All I could think was, I need the time and space to shed the old me and birth the one that has no capacity for bullshit, rushing, hustling, grinding and doing something just because,
A. Im good at it
B. I make good money doing it
It doesn’t matter anymore. I’ll be 50 in a month and the mental, emotional and physical shifts I am feeling are so liberating- I just need to keep listening.
This is such a relief to read. I just turned 55 and slowly I’d been experiencing a lot of the things you mention. Last week i woke up early, booked a cab and booked a flight on the way to the airport to take my first solo trip to an Arts Biennale without a return ticket. I felt more alive and happy in those 5 days than i did in a decade. Thank you for posting this and for all the comments. It is so reassuring.
What an absolutely wonderful post! For me, it's dinner. Can't. Even. Think. About. Dinner. I don't want to plan it, buy for it, prepare it, or even eat it. I've fucking done with dinner.
I’m not overachieving so that the people around me can underachieve any longer. This characteristic seems admirable and employs great applause but it’s not conducive to a happy, well balanced life.
I'm 69, but this process started for me at 39 when I was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of cervical cancer and had "about 30 days to live." The process you describe is exactly what I went through. It was harrowing for a very long time. But the rewards on the back end have been stunning. Peace and joy and clarity and authenticity beyond words.
Thank you so much! Every woman after 45 should read this to deeply understand: all is good
It is terrible to witness that so many women feel wrong insufficient not important to the world anymore. Such a drastic drop of self worth and self confidence.
Recovering people-pleaser here, early forties, approaching peri fast and furiously...add in a late-in-life ADHD diagnosis and this girl's brain is literally on fire...it's wild to see and feel and watch it all burn down around you...excited to see what rises from the ashes:)
My childhood occurred in a male oriented home with numerous, valued brothers, college major - male dominated. My blue collar jobs - men, real estate owning and managing - really a masculine environment. I now find i can literally not allow a sexist or condescending remark pass by unrecognized. I will point it out, call it as it is, all without anger, thus leaving insight and knowledge for those who feel moved to learn. A meek child turned powerful sextigenarian.
This explains everything. My therapist has me believing I’ve been using maladaptive coping mechanisms my whole life and that it’s just caught up with me. I’m 56. Just started therapy. And when he says exposure therapy or some other BS it doesn’t ring “true”. I felt like he doesn’t understand the cumulative effects of being a woman in a patriarchal society. But THIS? This just hit the “holy fuck” synapse, bc THIS is truth.
I feel like this is absolutely me and I’m 37 - should I go to a doctor?!? At the beginning of my cycle (when my estrogen drops) I feel completely intolerant and disturbed by everything that rubs up against what I know to be true - patriarchy etc…
no more uncomfortable clothes, crowded rooms or working until my soul is shredded. yes to helping my community, lots of solitude, projects that are satisfying.
The corporate grind. Byyyyeeee.
I spent 3 years off work from burn out. I recently went back to work (in a job that I used to do in my 20’s and 30’s) in July and made it until January.
My body stopped me before my brain did- got so sick. The gift of that was having time to rest and heal and listen to what my soul was screaming! This is NOT who you are anymore, Terra! All I could think was, I need the time and space to shed the old me and birth the one that has no capacity for bullshit, rushing, hustling, grinding and doing something just because,
A. Im good at it
B. I make good money doing it
It doesn’t matter anymore. I’ll be 50 in a month and the mental, emotional and physical shifts I am feeling are so liberating- I just need to keep listening.
I cannot tolerate grown women being called "girls".
This is such a relief to read. I just turned 55 and slowly I’d been experiencing a lot of the things you mention. Last week i woke up early, booked a cab and booked a flight on the way to the airport to take my first solo trip to an Arts Biennale without a return ticket. I felt more alive and happy in those 5 days than i did in a decade. Thank you for posting this and for all the comments. It is so reassuring.
What an absolutely wonderful post! For me, it's dinner. Can't. Even. Think. About. Dinner. I don't want to plan it, buy for it, prepare it, or even eat it. I've fucking done with dinner.
I’m not overachieving so that the people around me can underachieve any longer. This characteristic seems admirable and employs great applause but it’s not conducive to a happy, well balanced life.
I'm 69, but this process started for me at 39 when I was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of cervical cancer and had "about 30 days to live." The process you describe is exactly what I went through. It was harrowing for a very long time. But the rewards on the back end have been stunning. Peace and joy and clarity and authenticity beyond words.
Thank you so much! Every woman after 45 should read this to deeply understand: all is good
It is terrible to witness that so many women feel wrong insufficient not important to the world anymore. Such a drastic drop of self worth and self confidence.
I will share your text to as many women possible.
Thank you for this. X
This sounds like being neurodivergent at any age, as a woman. Similar physiology at play.
Recovering people-pleaser here, early forties, approaching peri fast and furiously...add in a late-in-life ADHD diagnosis and this girl's brain is literally on fire...it's wild to see and feel and watch it all burn down around you...excited to see what rises from the ashes:)
My childhood occurred in a male oriented home with numerous, valued brothers, college major - male dominated. My blue collar jobs - men, real estate owning and managing - really a masculine environment. I now find i can literally not allow a sexist or condescending remark pass by unrecognized. I will point it out, call it as it is, all without anger, thus leaving insight and knowledge for those who feel moved to learn. A meek child turned powerful sextigenarian.
OUTSTANDING!!!
This explains everything. My therapist has me believing I’ve been using maladaptive coping mechanisms my whole life and that it’s just caught up with me. I’m 56. Just started therapy. And when he says exposure therapy or some other BS it doesn’t ring “true”. I felt like he doesn’t understand the cumulative effects of being a woman in a patriarchal society. But THIS? This just hit the “holy fuck” synapse, bc THIS is truth.
I feel like this is absolutely me and I’m 37 - should I go to a doctor?!? At the beginning of my cycle (when my estrogen drops) I feel completely intolerant and disturbed by everything that rubs up against what I know to be true - patriarchy etc…
Thank you. Your article is helping me make some sense about this growth phase I am on.
no more uncomfortable clothes, crowded rooms or working until my soul is shredded. yes to helping my community, lots of solitude, projects that are satisfying.