Thank you for writing this. There is something very relieving in being reminded that stuck does not always mean broken. Sometimes it just means in-between.
Thank you, Ellen. This is so true. As a woman in my mid 40's, I am constantly putting my own needs on the backburner while I put my energy into my children, my parents, my job and my friends. This is a reminder to stop waiting for everything else to settle before we take care of own needs.
Possibly unlike many women around my age (50), my frustration with my past is not really that I spent so much of the previous decades taking care of others, not saying no, etc. But this article is still very helpful for me. For about the past decade I've been dealing with a chronic illness that significantly interferes with my daily life and completely changed how I understand my role in the world.
For a long time I thought in terms of what I would do if and when I was more healthy and capable. Eventually I realized that no perfect moment would come to recapture my life; and besides, every day I present a different "me" to the world depending on how I'm feeling. So I might as well just do something proactive each day, whether it feels like an ambitious leap or just holding onto the progress I've made so far.
Yes, me too, with the chronic illness. Accepting the limitations and still trying to make progress of some kind. It's tricky and definitely up and down. But it helps to know that any movement is still progress.
Thank you for your essays. I struggle often with this in my personal life. I've been married 31 years, our children are grown. I deconstructed a few years ago from my faith and with that, my convictions about marriage for life. Also, right around the time I deconstructed I finally realized that my husband is a controlling person and emotionally abusive. I daydream of a life apart from him, the things I want to do, places I want to go without 'needing' his approval. Why do I have such a hard time taking that first step toward dissolving the marriage?
I have been there. I think it's scary to take that first step, because we don't know what will come after it. I got to a point where I could see no joy or light in my future years with my (now ex) husband, and I realized continuing in the marriage was simply destructive. So even though I was scared, I did it, because I believed I was worthy of a more peaceful, fulfilled life. I wish you the same feelings of self-worth and love.
Thank you for putting it into clearly spoken words! I knew this feeling decades ago. I didn’t realize I was softly changing my life to do what I wanted and needed.
Oh did I need this today, thank you Ellen, I've just hit a fork in the road in my life. I've been doing well, but on occasion like today, I dip a bit deeper and feel lost. I have a new direction I'm experimenting with and it's very unfamiliar and scary but at the same time exciting. Thank you for the article it helped make me see things in a better light.
YES!! This. And this gave me a sense of peace. I have downsized and also been downsized in the friend department, also simplifying hobbies… so yes, making space; to be my own best friend, to try the thing I did years ago & let myself be steered away from/was too afraid to try… and yes, I am Becoming… and it feels AMAZING!! Also taking more care of my health, using bodybuilding methods to re-build my strength, walking… and feeling more stable inside & outside… again, AMAZING! So thank you, because this felt like a confirmation & empowerment to keep going…. I don’t even have an end goal in mind!! I just loosened the reigns… and let myself do the things. Crazy good. And gives me such hope for this over 50/almost 60 time of my life. Life feels adventurous again!
I'm a big proponent that the friction in our lives is where growth starts. Once we can see the friction and our expectation that is colliding with reality, we can begin to understand ourselves. That realization will help us begin to move forward.
Thank you, Ellen. I began this exact process for the second time around in 2019, at age 63. The result was I gave myself permission to live where I'd wanted to live since I first visited there in 1985. Colorado. So, I started looking for real estate. I bought a condo in early 2020, sold my home in Florida after being there 38 years, and moved to the Denver Metro area by myself. As soon as I drove across the state line, I knew I was really home for the first time. I haven't looked back.
Thank you for writing this. There is something very relieving in being reminded that stuck does not always mean broken. Sometimes it just means in-between.
Thank you, Ellen. This is so true. As a woman in my mid 40's, I am constantly putting my own needs on the backburner while I put my energy into my children, my parents, my job and my friends. This is a reminder to stop waiting for everything else to settle before we take care of own needs.
Thank you for this. I forget, with some regularity, that small steps matter. :)
Possibly unlike many women around my age (50), my frustration with my past is not really that I spent so much of the previous decades taking care of others, not saying no, etc. But this article is still very helpful for me. For about the past decade I've been dealing with a chronic illness that significantly interferes with my daily life and completely changed how I understand my role in the world.
For a long time I thought in terms of what I would do if and when I was more healthy and capable. Eventually I realized that no perfect moment would come to recapture my life; and besides, every day I present a different "me" to the world depending on how I'm feeling. So I might as well just do something proactive each day, whether it feels like an ambitious leap or just holding onto the progress I've made so far.
This article is encouraging. Thank you!
Yes, me too, with the chronic illness. Accepting the limitations and still trying to make progress of some kind. It's tricky and definitely up and down. But it helps to know that any movement is still progress.
It’s a process I’ve started. It’s work, it’s a bit scary, and your essays feel like light for the steps and encouraging arms around the shoulders. <3
Thank you for your essays. I struggle often with this in my personal life. I've been married 31 years, our children are grown. I deconstructed a few years ago from my faith and with that, my convictions about marriage for life. Also, right around the time I deconstructed I finally realized that my husband is a controlling person and emotionally abusive. I daydream of a life apart from him, the things I want to do, places I want to go without 'needing' his approval. Why do I have such a hard time taking that first step toward dissolving the marriage?
I have been there. I think it's scary to take that first step, because we don't know what will come after it. I got to a point where I could see no joy or light in my future years with my (now ex) husband, and I realized continuing in the marriage was simply destructive. So even though I was scared, I did it, because I believed I was worthy of a more peaceful, fulfilled life. I wish you the same feelings of self-worth and love.
Thank you for putting it into clearly spoken words! I knew this feeling decades ago. I didn’t realize I was softly changing my life to do what I wanted and needed.
Oh did I need this today, thank you Ellen, I've just hit a fork in the road in my life. I've been doing well, but on occasion like today, I dip a bit deeper and feel lost. I have a new direction I'm experimenting with and it's very unfamiliar and scary but at the same time exciting. Thank you for the article it helped make me see things in a better light.
Yes!!
YES!! This. And this gave me a sense of peace. I have downsized and also been downsized in the friend department, also simplifying hobbies… so yes, making space; to be my own best friend, to try the thing I did years ago & let myself be steered away from/was too afraid to try… and yes, I am Becoming… and it feels AMAZING!! Also taking more care of my health, using bodybuilding methods to re-build my strength, walking… and feeling more stable inside & outside… again, AMAZING! So thank you, because this felt like a confirmation & empowerment to keep going…. I don’t even have an end goal in mind!! I just loosened the reigns… and let myself do the things. Crazy good. And gives me such hope for this over 50/almost 60 time of my life. Life feels adventurous again!
This is amazing to see written do🙏
I'm a big proponent that the friction in our lives is where growth starts. Once we can see the friction and our expectation that is colliding with reality, we can begin to understand ourselves. That realization will help us begin to move forward.
Thank you, Ellen. I began this exact process for the second time around in 2019, at age 63. The result was I gave myself permission to live where I'd wanted to live since I first visited there in 1985. Colorado. So, I started looking for real estate. I bought a condo in early 2020, sold my home in Florida after being there 38 years, and moved to the Denver Metro area by myself. As soon as I drove across the state line, I knew I was really home for the first time. I haven't looked back.
I really like the permission to want something different. I’m trying to figure out what that thing is for me at the moment.
Thank you for this.