I really appreciate how you’re unpacking the “what if” loop this is such a real trap for so many. For me, I’ve learned to focus on what’s actually happening and trust that what’s meant for me will arrive when it’s supposed to. Reading this reminded me how freeing that perspective can be.✨
“What if” is such a powerful survival phrase. I see it a lot in midlife transitions. It isn’t just fear of risk – it’s often the nervous system choosing familiarity over uncertainty. Even painful familiarity can feel safer than undefined possibility.
I appreciate the shift toward asking what’s realistically survivable. That’s where people move from abstract catastrophe into grounded choice.
"Not because staying is good. Because staying is known." Yes! It's so helpful to be reminded of the cost of 'playing it safe' - because it's much easier to 'see' the potential negative consequences of change than the cost of maintaining the status quo. Thanks for the perspective!!
I ask what if, but in the opposite way - like, what if something that’s been labelled as impossible is possible… for example ‘what if I can have more disposable income working less?’ (went from working 60+ hours a week to 20 hours a week max at this time), what if I can get rid of set set prices on my services without making less? (I actually began making more - 20% of my clients chose to pay more than what was already a very decent wage), this has spilled into many other areas of my life - but basically I constantly challenge whether life can be more magical than we believe. I currently split my time between two homes - one off-grid in Mexico, one in Vancouver - that I didn’t earn in any traditional way and I have amazing, loving humans in both places. I haven’t even had an actual job in four years, have just been volunteering part time on the regenerative ranchito in Mexico. Now I’m moving back to having an income, but it’s coming from a place of I want to do this, not I need this to survive. Didn’t think that was possible, but I asked ‘what if?..’
Great article, Ellen. I use the "what if" question slightly differently, but with the same outcome? "What if the worst happens?" "What if the best happens?" Can I live with either outcome. Then, "What if I don't try?" For sure that will lead to failure. I'm interested in your comments on this. Thanks. Blue💙
This is a great article. I remember someone saying to me 'never regret the things you do. Regret the things you don't do'. This lead me to leave my corporate job at the age of 42 and set up a cake business. The Business has ups and downs but its still here, and I'm enjoying it more than ever. What if I'd never listened to that person?!
This is a great reframing! So many people live lives of quiet desperation, so afraid of giving something a chance. Asking the hard questions a different way is such a perfect way to look at it.
Heather, I write about these subjects as well--perfectionism and fear of trying. I love the dog chasing its tail analogy. I might have to borrow that sometime. Blue💙
This reframes fear in such a practical way. Naming the realistic worst case instead of the imagined one is often the exact moment movement becomes possible. Staying has a cost too—we just rarely calculate it.
Love it! Yes, I regularly remind myself of the "what's the worst that could happen?" question. I find adding playfulness to the question can help me put the realistic into the equation.
This really resonates. “What if” keeps us frozen, but naming the real worst case gives us agency back. Especially in midlife, the bigger risk often isn’t change — it’s staying stuck and paying for it later in regret.
Great article. I used to play the "What if..." game quite often. Then I retired and decided no more. So, in 2020, I packed up my life, sold my house in Florida after being there 38 years, and moved to Colorado by myself. It has been the BEST decision I've probably ever made. Thank you for the encouragement to trust myself. We CAN do hard things.
I have written on this as well. The doubt these two words create keep holding us back. Great read.
I really appreciate how you’re unpacking the “what if” loop this is such a real trap for so many. For me, I’ve learned to focus on what’s actually happening and trust that what’s meant for me will arrive when it’s supposed to. Reading this reminded me how freeing that perspective can be.✨
Wow! This his really hits home. So good!
“What if” is such a powerful survival phrase. I see it a lot in midlife transitions. It isn’t just fear of risk – it’s often the nervous system choosing familiarity over uncertainty. Even painful familiarity can feel safer than undefined possibility.
I appreciate the shift toward asking what’s realistically survivable. That’s where people move from abstract catastrophe into grounded choice.
"Not because staying is good. Because staying is known." Yes! It's so helpful to be reminded of the cost of 'playing it safe' - because it's much easier to 'see' the potential negative consequences of change than the cost of maintaining the status quo. Thanks for the perspective!!
I ask what if, but in the opposite way - like, what if something that’s been labelled as impossible is possible… for example ‘what if I can have more disposable income working less?’ (went from working 60+ hours a week to 20 hours a week max at this time), what if I can get rid of set set prices on my services without making less? (I actually began making more - 20% of my clients chose to pay more than what was already a very decent wage), this has spilled into many other areas of my life - but basically I constantly challenge whether life can be more magical than we believe. I currently split my time between two homes - one off-grid in Mexico, one in Vancouver - that I didn’t earn in any traditional way and I have amazing, loving humans in both places. I haven’t even had an actual job in four years, have just been volunteering part time on the regenerative ranchito in Mexico. Now I’m moving back to having an income, but it’s coming from a place of I want to do this, not I need this to survive. Didn’t think that was possible, but I asked ‘what if?..’
Great article, Ellen. I use the "what if" question slightly differently, but with the same outcome? "What if the worst happens?" "What if the best happens?" Can I live with either outcome. Then, "What if I don't try?" For sure that will lead to failure. I'm interested in your comments on this. Thanks. Blue💙
This is a great article. I remember someone saying to me 'never regret the things you do. Regret the things you don't do'. This lead me to leave my corporate job at the age of 42 and set up a cake business. The Business has ups and downs but its still here, and I'm enjoying it more than ever. What if I'd never listened to that person?!
This is a great reframing! So many people live lives of quiet desperation, so afraid of giving something a chance. Asking the hard questions a different way is such a perfect way to look at it.
I just posted about this as well! When perfectionism is disguised as planning and preparation, it’s like a dog chasing its tail.
Heather, I write about these subjects as well--perfectionism and fear of trying. I love the dog chasing its tail analogy. I might have to borrow that sometime. Blue💙
This reframes fear in such a practical way. Naming the realistic worst case instead of the imagined one is often the exact moment movement becomes possible. Staying has a cost too—we just rarely calculate it.
Love it! Yes, I regularly remind myself of the "what's the worst that could happen?" question. I find adding playfulness to the question can help me put the realistic into the equation.
This really resonates. “What if” keeps us frozen, but naming the real worst case gives us agency back. Especially in midlife, the bigger risk often isn’t change — it’s staying stuck and paying for it later in regret.
Great article. I used to play the "What if..." game quite often. Then I retired and decided no more. So, in 2020, I packed up my life, sold my house in Florida after being there 38 years, and moved to Colorado by myself. It has been the BEST decision I've probably ever made. Thank you for the encouragement to trust myself. We CAN do hard things.