As a therapist, I thank you for putting this so succinctly. This is a summary of so much of the work I do. It feels validating, personally, to read someone else's framing of this very common scenario.
hit 40. got divorced. sold my house. sold my business. took one year off to travel italy, sweden and spain. came back and started over.
codependency and narcissism are wicked challenging and you can overcome them.
now i’m a fulltime working nomad who lives and travels without having to people please and it’s amazing. do your work, figure out what you really want and go make it happen! you’ve got this 💜
Oldest with two younger brothers here. Grew up with a constantly depressed mother and angry father. This hit me in the heart. Learning to listen to myself. Seven decades in.
Thank you for this thought provoking post. I’ve not heard the term ‘parentification’ but that was definitely me growing up. As the oldest of 5 children much was expected of me because my mother struggled with mental illness and my father worked a lot.
It took many years to stop trying to handle everything and everyone.
I’ve shared this with 2 friends and hope we can discuss it on our weekly zoom call this evening.
I realized this two years ago and got divorced, lost my best friend, and people stopped calling me. It was scary at first, but I’m mentally healthy now. I only have to manage my own emotions. It’s great!
Thank you for getting the word out there and planting these seeds. Some people really are just waiting for permission, even from a stranger on the internet.
Beautifully written. I was the emotional caretaker for my mom as a child. It led to decades of people-pleasing. Thankfully, I hit a brick wall a few years ago and have now dedicated my life to (learning) and teaching boundaries.
Wow! Every single word is meant for me. This is exactly the point where I am now, after a lifetime of anxiety and fear (since 9) at the age of 68, FINALLY seeking help, ending me up in three different rehabs, for acute anxiety and depression, many years of therepy. But I did not ask for help till was 64 years old, ONLY when life itself became debilitating.
My life has completely turned around, and with amazing therepy, and to have someone listen to ME for once, I’ve learned how to have my own voice. Say no and not feel guilty, and setting the boundaries is an absolute must. For my own mental health.
What you write about, I just sit here with a smile and keep nodding my head. TRUTH.
This was excellent, too bad I am in my mid-sixties already, but never too late. Being fully burned out and unable to work has forced me to think about myself.
Your writing/article hits me right between the eyes! Thank you.
I really enjoyed the example you gave on how to stop being the CEO for the woman's son calling about an issue at work.
Please give more examples, as I still need some hand-holding in the process of quitting this role, or literature tips to read on the topic of how to respond when stepping out of the role.
...and that's why women die younger compared to men, because they are so stressed out.
Lebo Von Lo~Debar
Former/Always 82nd Airborne Infantryman, Disabled Veteran for Life, & Author of the book, "The Separation of Corporation and State" subtitled "Common Sense and the Two-Party Crisis" Available on Amazon.
I feel so blessed to have revieved this message of “High Functioning Co-dependency” when I was 45. Thank you April Morgan! And read the incredible book “Boundary Boss” I started applying this message at 48. And I don't think I’m being overly dramatic to announce ALL of my interpersonal relationships at 50 are SO much better! Grateful for the realization & even more grateful for the courage to change!
My adult daughter and I were just navigating this “when and where does it ever end?” So rather than orchestrate everyone else’s dream thanksgiving, we started a new direction. Pies to bake because yes - it is the piece everybody suffers through turkey for, and Chinese takeout for cook’s choice. This may be the best holiday ever!
As a therapist, I thank you for putting this so succinctly. This is a summary of so much of the work I do. It feels validating, personally, to read someone else's framing of this very common scenario.
hit 40. got divorced. sold my house. sold my business. took one year off to travel italy, sweden and spain. came back and started over.
codependency and narcissism are wicked challenging and you can overcome them.
now i’m a fulltime working nomad who lives and travels without having to people please and it’s amazing. do your work, figure out what you really want and go make it happen! you’ve got this 💜
ps: had a ton of therapy too, years!
Oldest with two younger brothers here. Grew up with a constantly depressed mother and angry father. This hit me in the heart. Learning to listen to myself. Seven decades in.
Thank you for this thought provoking post. I’ve not heard the term ‘parentification’ but that was definitely me growing up. As the oldest of 5 children much was expected of me because my mother struggled with mental illness and my father worked a lot.
It took many years to stop trying to handle everything and everyone.
I’ve shared this with 2 friends and hope we can discuss it on our weekly zoom call this evening.
I realized this two years ago and got divorced, lost my best friend, and people stopped calling me. It was scary at first, but I’m mentally healthy now. I only have to manage my own emotions. It’s great!
Thank you for getting the word out there and planting these seeds. Some people really are just waiting for permission, even from a stranger on the internet.
Right on time. Saved quite a few of your quotes in my phone to rewrite in my pep talk/quote book. Not my circus, not my monkeys vibe.
Beautifully written. I was the emotional caretaker for my mom as a child. It led to decades of people-pleasing. Thankfully, I hit a brick wall a few years ago and have now dedicated my life to (learning) and teaching boundaries.
Excellent article. I need to review your points EVERY DAY!
Coincidentally, my partner just said “We need to pause. We are always going around like we are Masters of the Universe. We need to stop.”
Yes.
Wow! Every single word is meant for me. This is exactly the point where I am now, after a lifetime of anxiety and fear (since 9) at the age of 68, FINALLY seeking help, ending me up in three different rehabs, for acute anxiety and depression, many years of therepy. But I did not ask for help till was 64 years old, ONLY when life itself became debilitating.
My life has completely turned around, and with amazing therepy, and to have someone listen to ME for once, I’ve learned how to have my own voice. Say no and not feel guilty, and setting the boundaries is an absolute must. For my own mental health.
What you write about, I just sit here with a smile and keep nodding my head. TRUTH.
PLEASE KEEP IT UP.
VALERIE.
Thank you!
This was excellent, too bad I am in my mid-sixties already, but never too late. Being fully burned out and unable to work has forced me to think about myself.
Your writing/article hits me right between the eyes! Thank you.
I really enjoyed the example you gave on how to stop being the CEO for the woman's son calling about an issue at work.
Please give more examples, as I still need some hand-holding in the process of quitting this role, or literature tips to read on the topic of how to respond when stepping out of the role.
...and that's why women die younger compared to men, because they are so stressed out.
Lebo Von Lo~Debar
Former/Always 82nd Airborne Infantryman, Disabled Veteran for Life, & Author of the book, "The Separation of Corporation and State" subtitled "Common Sense and the Two-Party Crisis" Available on Amazon.
https://a.co/d/fy5rSdW
This connects so deeply. You’re right, it’s not an easy transition but it’s absolutely worth it!
I feel so blessed to have revieved this message of “High Functioning Co-dependency” when I was 45. Thank you April Morgan! And read the incredible book “Boundary Boss” I started applying this message at 48. And I don't think I’m being overly dramatic to announce ALL of my interpersonal relationships at 50 are SO much better! Grateful for the realization & even more grateful for the courage to change!
My adult daughter and I were just navigating this “when and where does it ever end?” So rather than orchestrate everyone else’s dream thanksgiving, we started a new direction. Pies to bake because yes - it is the piece everybody suffers through turkey for, and Chinese takeout for cook’s choice. This may be the best holiday ever!