I’m so glad I found places on the internet that made me aware of this trend, because I am 32, but I don’t ever intend to be the person with this unpaid job. My peace is too valuable. Thanks for this article.
I've been for long the emotional care taker for my mum and grandma. Managing their anxieties. It took time, knowledge, awareness and a good support network of partner and friends to grow my own wings. We live in a world where we have access to networks, opinions, stories of others, where we read and learn about self awareness and emancipate from early learned behavior by recognizing empowerment in articles like that. Thats the upside of worldwide connection by internet, the access to knowledge and peer groups far beyond what was accessible before. After growing wings I had to learn to be non judging, not angry, not mad. Gives me peace. More and more.
Wowzers. I wasn’t expecting to resonate so hard with this. I’ve been having midlife therapy and this is exactly the first thing I’ve been learning, but I think I needed to hear it again. It’s such an engrained habit, and so invisible. You’re not responsible for other people’s emotional state. It’s a switch, moving to prioritising one’s own needs and wants, when you’re not accustomed to it. But I’m here to learn how to do it.
Amen to every word of this!! At age 60, I still catch myself people pleasing, but I’m better than ever since I acknowledged this unsustainable way of living!
Roshi Joan Halifax, “Helping, fixing, and serving represent three different ways of seeing life. When you help, you see life as weak. When you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as whole.”
Wow. I am just now hitting this wall. This is so interesting to read because I've been people pleasing my entire life. I am ready to quit that job. Thank you!
This is a good essay. I would say I have been hyper-vigilant about other's emotions since I was six years old. Being aware of being needed is something I must have wanted. Now I am 60 years old, and I am trying to be done. However, my adult kids can do things like let their car insurance go, etc.
It's hard for me to not step in and fix the problem in order to prevent other problems.
Read “The Blue Castle” by L.M.Montgomery. It’s a wonderful and insightful novel. The main character….Valancy…..stops being a “people pleaser” at age 29 and her life completely transforms and becomes awesome.
great post, thank you!
I’m so glad I found places on the internet that made me aware of this trend, because I am 32, but I don’t ever intend to be the person with this unpaid job. My peace is too valuable. Thanks for this article.
The approach makes sense, but timing will be everything.
I've been for long the emotional care taker for my mum and grandma. Managing their anxieties. It took time, knowledge, awareness and a good support network of partner and friends to grow my own wings. We live in a world where we have access to networks, opinions, stories of others, where we read and learn about self awareness and emancipate from early learned behavior by recognizing empowerment in articles like that. Thats the upside of worldwide connection by internet, the access to knowledge and peer groups far beyond what was accessible before. After growing wings I had to learn to be non judging, not angry, not mad. Gives me peace. More and more.
66 and still actively cycling into and out of a successful practice.
Wowzers. I wasn’t expecting to resonate so hard with this. I’ve been having midlife therapy and this is exactly the first thing I’ve been learning, but I think I needed to hear it again. It’s such an engrained habit, and so invisible. You’re not responsible for other people’s emotional state. It’s a switch, moving to prioritising one’s own needs and wants, when you’re not accustomed to it. But I’m here to learn how to do it.
Such a beautiful, true description of my life. I had to share. Thank you for putting into words what I couldn’t or didn’t.
Amen to every word of this!! At age 60, I still catch myself people pleasing, but I’m better than ever since I acknowledged this unsustainable way of living!
Thanks so much for this. It perfectly describes the fedupness I’ve experienced in my 56th year.
Closing up shop over here. Not quite there but I'm quiet quitting in the interim.
Thank you 🙏🏼
Roshi Joan Halifax, “Helping, fixing, and serving represent three different ways of seeing life. When you help, you see life as weak. When you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as whole.”
I must be in lalaland because I’ve never considered doing this
Wow. I am just now hitting this wall. This is so interesting to read because I've been people pleasing my entire life. I am ready to quit that job. Thank you!
This is a good essay. I would say I have been hyper-vigilant about other's emotions since I was six years old. Being aware of being needed is something I must have wanted. Now I am 60 years old, and I am trying to be done. However, my adult kids can do things like let their car insurance go, etc.
It's hard for me to not step in and fix the problem in order to prevent other problems.
Read “The Blue Castle” by L.M.Montgomery. It’s a wonderful and insightful novel. The main character….Valancy…..stops being a “people pleaser” at age 29 and her life completely transforms and becomes awesome.