I have watched my body change over the years, too. Now at 77 I love that she’s healthy and strongish. I buy what fits, no matter what the tag says.. I was always thin, ha! Now I survive.
Love this post - thank you for sharing it. Trying to come to an accommodation with my belly as I now realise it's here to stay. I'm 68, love clothes and dressing up - always have. It's so closely linked to my identity and sense of self. I'm not ready for beige sacks. Inside, like so many other women my age, I feel 30.
I’m trying to get to know the woman who greets me every morning in the mirror. She looks like me, yet not liked me. Her body isn’t the body she’s had all of her life. Thank you for expressing your thoughts . They touched my heart!
Your clarity and wisdom about this topic really hit me hard, and with no escape route. Always, in the back of my mind, was a whip I would use because I had tricked myself into thinking it was just a question of getting myself in shape—pick up the damn weights finally, tighten up those flabby bat wings! Clearly it was simply a failure in me getting going before my body reshaped itself even more of a lump. Now the full realization has come that this may be ME going forward. 70 years old now! And no longer the petite and cute curvy girl that lives in my mind.
I’ve been dealing with this feeling for years without recognizing it as deep howling grief that I’ve managed to keep at bay with distraction and digression and procrastination.
This is me too. Thank you so much for sharing this. I am almost 46 and been wandering where my body as I knew it went. From my crepey neck and bingo wings to my dimply thighs and veiny legs. I have been quietly grieving this transition and trying to find acceptance in gravity being my friend not enemy. Not an easy journey in the slightest, thank goodness we all now feel less alone in it. Humour will help, when we get over this big hump and bump. z
It is one thing to know what is the right thing to think and feel about ones body. Totally different to look in the mirror and do it. I think I just need to sit with the discomfort and unhappiness about my body sometimes. I'm tired of hearing or reading that I should feel different about it. Thank you for putting to words what I've been thinking these days!
Love this - puts into words exactly what I have and am going through. Trying to find what my 'now' style is; going to the stores and leaving in tears. Thank you for your words, I so relate. And that it's ok to grieve because I tried to push that away telling myself I shouldn't be silly. I have spent ages crying over the body I had and have been missing so much.
Thank you for putting this into words. My mother and grandmother and sister all struggled with body image. I made a promise to myself that I never would. And I still don't, but I don't know how to find clothes that fit and look good. It's so frustrating!
every woman who gains weight and finds herself in the plus size department feels this grief. And it happens many times in your lifetime. Grief and self recrimination.
I just posted about part of this - my personal experience
It’s a loss of identity. Who We Once Were. Different body, different skin, different hair, all at once. 😑
And yeah, designers need to GET OFF THEIR ASSES And make us proper clothes. Rich colors, sturdy fabric that drapes and hangs smoothly and and doesn’t show ripples and dimples. WE HAVE EARNED BEAUTIFUL, SENSUAL CLOTHES.
"Getting dressed used to be easy. Now it’s a negotiation with my own body every single morning before I’ve had coffee.".....Real.
This whole piece resonated deeply. Not as vanity, just...where did I go? I have found this one of the hardest things to accept with aging. And working out doesn't help! Any fat lost, leaves ..sagginess 😭. Not toned, just crêpe! Sleeveless tops....forget it 😭.
I just have to accept everything must have a sleeve now lol.
I have watched my body change over the years, too. Now at 77 I love that she’s healthy and strongish. I buy what fits, no matter what the tag says.. I was always thin, ha! Now I survive.
Love this post - thank you for sharing it. Trying to come to an accommodation with my belly as I now realise it's here to stay. I'm 68, love clothes and dressing up - always have. It's so closely linked to my identity and sense of self. I'm not ready for beige sacks. Inside, like so many other women my age, I feel 30.
Thank you 💕
I’m trying to get to know the woman who greets me every morning in the mirror. She looks like me, yet not liked me. Her body isn’t the body she’s had all of her life. Thank you for expressing your thoughts . They touched my heart!
Yes! I abhore the phrase “vanity weight” for this reason and wrote about how it clinically disempowers and increases risk here https://ashleykoffrd.substack.com/p/you-dont-have-vanity-weight-you-have?r=736v
Your clarity and wisdom about this topic really hit me hard, and with no escape route. Always, in the back of my mind, was a whip I would use because I had tricked myself into thinking it was just a question of getting myself in shape—pick up the damn weights finally, tighten up those flabby bat wings! Clearly it was simply a failure in me getting going before my body reshaped itself even more of a lump. Now the full realization has come that this may be ME going forward. 70 years old now! And no longer the petite and cute curvy girl that lives in my mind.
I’ve been dealing with this feeling for years without recognizing it as deep howling grief that I’ve managed to keep at bay with distraction and digression and procrastination.
This is me too. Thank you so much for sharing this. I am almost 46 and been wandering where my body as I knew it went. From my crepey neck and bingo wings to my dimply thighs and veiny legs. I have been quietly grieving this transition and trying to find acceptance in gravity being my friend not enemy. Not an easy journey in the slightest, thank goodness we all now feel less alone in it. Humour will help, when we get over this big hump and bump. z
It is one thing to know what is the right thing to think and feel about ones body. Totally different to look in the mirror and do it. I think I just need to sit with the discomfort and unhappiness about my body sometimes. I'm tired of hearing or reading that I should feel different about it. Thank you for putting to words what I've been thinking these days!
Love this - puts into words exactly what I have and am going through. Trying to find what my 'now' style is; going to the stores and leaving in tears. Thank you for your words, I so relate. And that it's ok to grieve because I tried to push that away telling myself I shouldn't be silly. I have spent ages crying over the body I had and have been missing so much.
Thank you for putting this into words. My mother and grandmother and sister all struggled with body image. I made a promise to myself that I never would. And I still don't, but I don't know how to find clothes that fit and look good. It's so frustrating!
New subscriber. First time I’ve used play and the voice sounds like AI. Is that correct?
I so miss my waistline. 🥺
every woman who gains weight and finds herself in the plus size department feels this grief. And it happens many times in your lifetime. Grief and self recrimination.
I just posted about part of this - my personal experience
It’s a loss of identity. Who We Once Were. Different body, different skin, different hair, all at once. 😑
And yeah, designers need to GET OFF THEIR ASSES And make us proper clothes. Rich colors, sturdy fabric that drapes and hangs smoothly and and doesn’t show ripples and dimples. WE HAVE EARNED BEAUTIFUL, SENSUAL CLOTHES.
I relate. Thank you. One thing that helped me was having my color palette done. Wearing my colors is a reflection of me.
The shape of any clothes on the shape of my body, however, is something that I may grieve for a long time.
"Getting dressed used to be easy. Now it’s a negotiation with my own body every single morning before I’ve had coffee.".....Real.
This whole piece resonated deeply. Not as vanity, just...where did I go? I have found this one of the hardest things to accept with aging. And working out doesn't help! Any fat lost, leaves ..sagginess 😭. Not toned, just crêpe! Sleeveless tops....forget it 😭.
I just have to accept everything must have a sleeve now lol.
Thank you, I really enjoyed the read x