Thank you for this, Ellen. As I read this, I couldn’t help but think about the older women in my life when I was younger. Back then, there were beautiful clothes for all shapes and sizes of older women. I never saw either one of my grandmothers in anything other than dresses. One was tiny and thin and the other was very short, under 5 ft tall and very round. And yet, they both wore beautiful dresses and suits and looked gorgeous. I remember my short, but round grandmother lived with us for a while and shared my bedroom. She put on a girdle every morning and attached stockings to the clips. Her clothes, jewelry, scarves and accessories were amazing. I grew up with this vision of older women looking beautiful, just the way they were. Our modern culture, obsessed with youth, has robbed us of this. There are no current fashions that flatter older female bodies, as they were when I was a child.. with my grandmothers. So, just putting this out there.. we need fashion designers to accommodate our changing, aging shapes.. with beautiful dresses and outfits that fit and flatter! We need to start a cultural shift back to honoring older women and our changing bodies. lol, I’m just eternally grateful NOT to have to put on a girdle every morning, just sayin’
I wanted to click the I like button but then I thought that's not entirely right. I like that you said it but I'm sorry you're going through it. I've said this before. I find women that are older (not old) older to be more beautiful, more vivacious, better informed and thus have a brain/mind that has an informed choice making ability, is better looking and better in bed too. I know I learned along the way how to be more appreciative of those qualities in a woman. And yea it's real, so what? life happens to us all. Thank you Ellen for stepping up and saying all of it that goes on.
What a perfect description of this process! I had to get dressed for an evening ‘thing’ tonight- and all cocktail dresses seem to be made for my 30 year old body! But I am slowly curating a wardrobe I like from those few and far between pieces that make me happy. I may not finish before I die but…
I’ve completely given up shopping for clothes in the shops and instead buy most of my stuff from secondhand charity stores. Most things there are original, I find the most glorious colours that I’m really leaning into in my 50’s, and if I put something on and it feels good, I buy it. Because it probably only costs $6 at that price I can afford to experiment.
I think I’ve learned to give my body some grace for all it’s brought me through and all I continue to go through, and reward it with pretty clothes which make me feel good 😊
“Grief doesn’t ask you to rebuild everything at once. It just asks you not to abandon yourself completely while you’re in it.”
Thank you, Ellen. I’ve been grieving my lost looks for a couple of years. I gave away all my low rise jeans after reading your article that talked about keeping clothes that won’t ever fit as a form of self-punishment. Have since gone through my summer clothes and (hello bat wings) given away all my sleeveless dresses. My body’s newest adventure is hoarding calories and packing on pounds despite cardio, weights, three hikes a day with a puppy and calorie restriction (plus the usual doctor ordered tests that are all “normal.”) Like you, I don’t know what to wear anymore. Straight denim is too constricting. Low rise pants show off the extra roll my hips constructed sometime in the last two years. There is certainly grief, and some days I’m just pissed off. Thank you for this article, and the reminder that we’re not alone in these changes, and grieving needs to come first. I’ve been so busy being angry at my body I’ve overridden the sadness.
This is the real truth and the whole point…. We have kept our own bodies and borders and have not taken drugs or surgery to look like those poor souls still trying to look perfect only to look scary and empty… embrace every single part of yourself and cheers for integrity and altruistic spirit. ☮️💟
Very well done. Funny and profound. As a health coach focusing on body confidence, I would recommend that once the grieving abates, and it will, get to know your new body. Really look at it. What do you like? Make friends with it/them. And find a way to highlight them with new styles and accessories. A personal shopper/stylist can be a great help for refining who you are now. Because that’s the body and spirit you’re dressing. Menopause doesn’t just change your appearance. It changes your health. Strength training can protect against loss of bone and muscle mass, protect your heart and stability. It will also sculpt your body and endorphins will cheer you up. Speak with your doctor and personal trainer and get moving. Consistently. Even a short walk after dinner will regulate blood sugar and boost your metabolism. I’m way past the age you are now (I started feeling invisible in my 40s) but starting from a place of love makes all the difference in how you feel and present to the world. ❤️
Omg I only saw half of the title on my page and I finished it correctly myself…so you can tell I could have written this article. I find myself saying a lot of “I used to”. I negotiate like a terrorist with myself daily almost. I am also doing the love myself and self compassion things. That’s new stuff. Thank you for saying what we all are thinking and our husbands or kids are sick of hearing, if we share with them.
This really resonates with me. Currently 68, I was very fit and slim until COVID. I think the combination of unexpected retirement, grief at losing my parents and job, an empty nest, and the soup of changing hormones hit me all at once. Add to that the need to look "beautiful, yet appropriate" this year as the mother of a bride, the mother of a groom, a first time grandmother, and then mourner at the funeral of my still good-looking ex's mother, whom I loved -- it's too much. Grief is the only appropriate response! And we don't talk about it nearly enough!
I have been grappling with this for a long time. I go to the gym 5 days a wk. I do HIIT, lift weights, Pilates and Zumba. Just recently started losing weight and/or inches. Elation. However, I still have bat wings, cellulite on my abdomen and front and back of thighs. Very disconcerting and its bathing suit season. Trying to fool myself it's ok. I have ordered 10 suits to try. I love my gym clothes though. Those babies hold everything in place and cover a lot of sins. All of this to say I try to look at it in context. My father had both his legs amputated due to PVD. At least I have legs.
So uplifting. Thank you for sharing this truth. I feel better‼️
I'm 47. I'm all of what you say here. Plus, I'm a registered dietitian. So yes, double fail?
Thank you for this, Ellen. As I read this, I couldn’t help but think about the older women in my life when I was younger. Back then, there were beautiful clothes for all shapes and sizes of older women. I never saw either one of my grandmothers in anything other than dresses. One was tiny and thin and the other was very short, under 5 ft tall and very round. And yet, they both wore beautiful dresses and suits and looked gorgeous. I remember my short, but round grandmother lived with us for a while and shared my bedroom. She put on a girdle every morning and attached stockings to the clips. Her clothes, jewelry, scarves and accessories were amazing. I grew up with this vision of older women looking beautiful, just the way they were. Our modern culture, obsessed with youth, has robbed us of this. There are no current fashions that flatter older female bodies, as they were when I was a child.. with my grandmothers. So, just putting this out there.. we need fashion designers to accommodate our changing, aging shapes.. with beautiful dresses and outfits that fit and flatter! We need to start a cultural shift back to honoring older women and our changing bodies. lol, I’m just eternally grateful NOT to have to put on a girdle every morning, just sayin’
I wanted to click the I like button but then I thought that's not entirely right. I like that you said it but I'm sorry you're going through it. I've said this before. I find women that are older (not old) older to be more beautiful, more vivacious, better informed and thus have a brain/mind that has an informed choice making ability, is better looking and better in bed too. I know I learned along the way how to be more appreciative of those qualities in a woman. And yea it's real, so what? life happens to us all. Thank you Ellen for stepping up and saying all of it that goes on.
Oh it not only landed , it’s still unloading all the passengers
I lost an inch and a half in height and gained weight. I get it.
Thank you for this! I’m in the middle of the journey toward acceptance, but it still stings! Hearing others are experiencing the same helps so much.
I’m just glad to know I’m not alone in this mess! Thank you for writing this&
What a perfect description of this process! I had to get dressed for an evening ‘thing’ tonight- and all cocktail dresses seem to be made for my 30 year old body! But I am slowly curating a wardrobe I like from those few and far between pieces that make me happy. I may not finish before I die but…
I’ve completely given up shopping for clothes in the shops and instead buy most of my stuff from secondhand charity stores. Most things there are original, I find the most glorious colours that I’m really leaning into in my 50’s, and if I put something on and it feels good, I buy it. Because it probably only costs $6 at that price I can afford to experiment.
I think I’ve learned to give my body some grace for all it’s brought me through and all I continue to go through, and reward it with pretty clothes which make me feel good 😊
“Grief doesn’t ask you to rebuild everything at once. It just asks you not to abandon yourself completely while you’re in it.”
Thank you, Ellen. I’ve been grieving my lost looks for a couple of years. I gave away all my low rise jeans after reading your article that talked about keeping clothes that won’t ever fit as a form of self-punishment. Have since gone through my summer clothes and (hello bat wings) given away all my sleeveless dresses. My body’s newest adventure is hoarding calories and packing on pounds despite cardio, weights, three hikes a day with a puppy and calorie restriction (plus the usual doctor ordered tests that are all “normal.”) Like you, I don’t know what to wear anymore. Straight denim is too constricting. Low rise pants show off the extra roll my hips constructed sometime in the last two years. There is certainly grief, and some days I’m just pissed off. Thank you for this article, and the reminder that we’re not alone in these changes, and grieving needs to come first. I’ve been so busy being angry at my body I’ve overridden the sadness.
This is the real truth and the whole point…. We have kept our own bodies and borders and have not taken drugs or surgery to look like those poor souls still trying to look perfect only to look scary and empty… embrace every single part of yourself and cheers for integrity and altruistic spirit. ☮️💟
Very well done. Funny and profound. As a health coach focusing on body confidence, I would recommend that once the grieving abates, and it will, get to know your new body. Really look at it. What do you like? Make friends with it/them. And find a way to highlight them with new styles and accessories. A personal shopper/stylist can be a great help for refining who you are now. Because that’s the body and spirit you’re dressing. Menopause doesn’t just change your appearance. It changes your health. Strength training can protect against loss of bone and muscle mass, protect your heart and stability. It will also sculpt your body and endorphins will cheer you up. Speak with your doctor and personal trainer and get moving. Consistently. Even a short walk after dinner will regulate blood sugar and boost your metabolism. I’m way past the age you are now (I started feeling invisible in my 40s) but starting from a place of love makes all the difference in how you feel and present to the world. ❤️
Omg I only saw half of the title on my page and I finished it correctly myself…so you can tell I could have written this article. I find myself saying a lot of “I used to”. I negotiate like a terrorist with myself daily almost. I am also doing the love myself and self compassion things. That’s new stuff. Thank you for saying what we all are thinking and our husbands or kids are sick of hearing, if we share with them.
This really resonates with me. Currently 68, I was very fit and slim until COVID. I think the combination of unexpected retirement, grief at losing my parents and job, an empty nest, and the soup of changing hormones hit me all at once. Add to that the need to look "beautiful, yet appropriate" this year as the mother of a bride, the mother of a groom, a first time grandmother, and then mourner at the funeral of my still good-looking ex's mother, whom I loved -- it's too much. Grief is the only appropriate response! And we don't talk about it nearly enough!
I have been grappling with this for a long time. I go to the gym 5 days a wk. I do HIIT, lift weights, Pilates and Zumba. Just recently started losing weight and/or inches. Elation. However, I still have bat wings, cellulite on my abdomen and front and back of thighs. Very disconcerting and its bathing suit season. Trying to fool myself it's ok. I have ordered 10 suits to try. I love my gym clothes though. Those babies hold everything in place and cover a lot of sins. All of this to say I try to look at it in context. My father had both his legs amputated due to PVD. At least I have legs.