"What you’re calling lost is really the gap before the next version forms." And, I believe it's inviting us to lean into it, even though it's super uncomfortable (as you discuss). The staying is where the nectar is. The staying also requires solid nervous system regulation which many of us are still learning. Any advice for those finding themselves in the gap and still struggling at this phase?
“The not knowing isn’t proof you’ve failed. It’s proof that you’re in motion.”
I’m 46. I can still reach backwards and touch my midlife crisis. Some of it may still lie in front of me. The not knowing phase can last a really long time, for me a solid 6 years, from COVID to now. I am encouraged by the fact that I could have stayed where I was and had the certainty, but I chose to move and live with the unknown. The real lesson is what I learned about myself and who I became through that process, one that never would have taken place if I stayed where I was.
Thank you for this essay, Ellen. Vera Hart wrote one recently called 'Anticipation is its Own Kind of Suffering' that reminds me of this one. Both are really good.
The uncertainty is rarely just emotional. It usually has a financial shadow too. The moment a woman knows what she has, what she needs, and what choices are actually available to her, the future becomes less of a fog and more of a path. Clarity does not erase grief, but it gives fear fewer places to hide.
Almost 58 here. My life has been upended in so many ways these last four years. And the anxiety seems to come and go in waves. Some of the waves I have a fair amount of choice in, some--like what is happening in our country and climate change...those feel a lot more threatening and totally out of my control. Although, I do think the idea of control is sort of an illusion. Mostly, I find I need more and more time to be still, listen to birds, watch clouds in the sky.
This was very interesting, at so many levels it is what I am substacking about and you said it well
"What you’re calling lost is really the gap before the next version forms." And, I believe it's inviting us to lean into it, even though it's super uncomfortable (as you discuss). The staying is where the nectar is. The staying also requires solid nervous system regulation which many of us are still learning. Any advice for those finding themselves in the gap and still struggling at this phase?
“The not knowing isn’t proof you’ve failed. It’s proof that you’re in motion.”
I’m 46. I can still reach backwards and touch my midlife crisis. Some of it may still lie in front of me. The not knowing phase can last a really long time, for me a solid 6 years, from COVID to now. I am encouraged by the fact that I could have stayed where I was and had the certainty, but I chose to move and live with the unknown. The real lesson is what I learned about myself and who I became through that process, one that never would have taken place if I stayed where I was.
this really made me think...
sometimes i wonder if overthinking isn't really about finding the right answer...
it's about hoping that if we think long enough... we'll eventually reach a future where nothing can surprise us...
maybe uncertainty hurts because life keeps reminding us that no amount of thinking can replace living through it
Thank you for this essay, Ellen. Vera Hart wrote one recently called 'Anticipation is its Own Kind of Suffering' that reminds me of this one. Both are really good.
The uncertainty is rarely just emotional. It usually has a financial shadow too. The moment a woman knows what she has, what she needs, and what choices are actually available to her, the future becomes less of a fog and more of a path. Clarity does not erase grief, but it gives fear fewer places to hide.
Makes so much sense! Love your assessment really hit some points I never thought of. So grateful for your insight and your experience.!
Almost 58 here. My life has been upended in so many ways these last four years. And the anxiety seems to come and go in waves. Some of the waves I have a fair amount of choice in, some--like what is happening in our country and climate change...those feel a lot more threatening and totally out of my control. Although, I do think the idea of control is sort of an illusion. Mostly, I find I need more and more time to be still, listen to birds, watch clouds in the sky.
Great piece! Thanks Ellen
Wow. I needed to hear this- thank you Ellen! I’m facing selling my home too after a big life change, and boy, it’s a wallop.
Thank you for this article. At 53, I feel like I am right in it. Great strategy to write it down like a question - shrink the not knowing.