Thank you once again, Ellen, for an insightful post. It took me a while to even realize I was grieving, and secondly, that I had a perfect right to grieve! Midlife is such a time of loss, involuntary change, and ultimately rebirth. At 70, I now know myself better, I accept my limitations, and I relish doing it my way, even though it's still within my relationship and life circumstances. I no longer have the option of "getting out", but I do have the option to be true to myself. I feel strong in rejecting what doesn't work for me and the judgements of others. I am unique and I love it.
At 37 I feel at the beginning of this journey, and it’s very scary… but the pull of intuition is just too strong to ignore. Some things I’m working through, some others I’m still too scared to address… it’ll be a journey… and I know there’s light in the other side.
Just this last Thanksgiving I announced it would be the last scheduled holiday I will host. It’s been 30 plus years of entertaining and cooking for his family including his ex wife. I’ve been telling him I needed a change of pace for a few years now. He couldn’t figure out how to make it happen, 😡 so I just did it.
This post is so incredibly helpful and reassuring. This is me: "That anxiety you’re feeling? That restlessness? That sense you’re outgrowing your life like a pair of jeans from 2009?
It’s not broken. It’s a signal."
I am finally listening to the signals and to myself. I started the divorce process, even though I am terrified and have no plans beyond that, I just know it's the next right step.
Love this. Thank you. In the messy middle of big shifts. Some expected- empty nest. Others unexpected- shift from a career I expected to love forever- but has taken too much from me. Taking time to step back and tend myself. The point about grieving is so on point. It’s tempting to skip that step.. but true change requires it … I suspect. Allowing grief is hard. This is where I am - somewhere between resistance and allowing grief to surface and pass through.
I have an old friend who is stuck in a horrid unfulfilling marriage and has been for the entire 44 years I have known her. I have tried through the years to help her get out of it intact, but recently I realized that she really doesn't want to and I should just stop trying to fix it for her. Thank you for Number 4.
Number 8. I live in a culture where performance is everything. Bit by bit I’ve been turning my back on that, from quitting my corporate career to resigning from several volunteer boards. This year I have been working on the hardest part: stepping out of the ‘happy family’ performance, admitting I do not want to be responsible for my son’s happiness, openly saying we have a mess and are trying to get out of it. Talk about sorting the wheat from the chaff! All the ‘friends’ and acquaintances who pride themselves on raising a successful child have taken two large steps back from us, as if my kid’s depression is somehow contagious. But we have uncovered surprising pockets of loving support in our wide network of friends, family, and acquaintances.
This is a manifesto and blueprint rolled into one! Thank you for naming so much of the queasy sensations of midlife. If we are willing to be radically honest with ourselves, and to take small actions in the direction we want to go, midlife may well be the best time of our lives.
This feels so true to what so many of us wake up to in midlife. There is a moment when the autopilot slips and you start seeing your life without the buffering. It can be disorienting, but it can also be the first real breath you’ve taken in years.
What you wrote echoes the work I’ve done in my own becoming. Especially the part about listening to discomfort instead of trying to fix it. That was a turning point for me. It became the doorway back to myself. Midlife feels like a reckoning, but also a reclamation. The sense that you cannot keep abandoning yourself and also expect to feel alive.
Thank you for naming this with such clarity. It is a reminder that sorting our lives out is less about perfection and more about the courage to stop pretending.
Thank you once again, Ellen, for an insightful post. It took me a while to even realize I was grieving, and secondly, that I had a perfect right to grieve! Midlife is such a time of loss, involuntary change, and ultimately rebirth. At 70, I now know myself better, I accept my limitations, and I relish doing it my way, even though it's still within my relationship and life circumstances. I no longer have the option of "getting out", but I do have the option to be true to myself. I feel strong in rejecting what doesn't work for me and the judgements of others. I am unique and I love it.
At 37 I feel at the beginning of this journey, and it’s very scary… but the pull of intuition is just too strong to ignore. Some things I’m working through, some others I’m still too scared to address… it’ll be a journey… and I know there’s light in the other side.
Just this last Thanksgiving I announced it would be the last scheduled holiday I will host. It’s been 30 plus years of entertaining and cooking for his family including his ex wife. I’ve been telling him I needed a change of pace for a few years now. He couldn’t figure out how to make it happen, 😡 so I just did it.
This post is so incredibly helpful and reassuring. This is me: "That anxiety you’re feeling? That restlessness? That sense you’re outgrowing your life like a pair of jeans from 2009?
It’s not broken. It’s a signal."
I am finally listening to the signals and to myself. I started the divorce process, even though I am terrified and have no plans beyond that, I just know it's the next right step.
Love this. Thank you. In the messy middle of big shifts. Some expected- empty nest. Others unexpected- shift from a career I expected to love forever- but has taken too much from me. Taking time to step back and tend myself. The point about grieving is so on point. It’s tempting to skip that step.. but true change requires it … I suspect. Allowing grief is hard. This is where I am - somewhere between resistance and allowing grief to surface and pass through.
I have an old friend who is stuck in a horrid unfulfilling marriage and has been for the entire 44 years I have known her. I have tried through the years to help her get out of it intact, but recently I realized that she really doesn't want to and I should just stop trying to fix it for her. Thank you for Number 4.
In the midst of this …..🫨✨😶🌫️🌟💓🌺🌈🎉🥰🌟🤔😁
Such a timely article. Have done some of the things. However others I hadn't thought of. Thank you.
Number 8. I live in a culture where performance is everything. Bit by bit I’ve been turning my back on that, from quitting my corporate career to resigning from several volunteer boards. This year I have been working on the hardest part: stepping out of the ‘happy family’ performance, admitting I do not want to be responsible for my son’s happiness, openly saying we have a mess and are trying to get out of it. Talk about sorting the wheat from the chaff! All the ‘friends’ and acquaintances who pride themselves on raising a successful child have taken two large steps back from us, as if my kid’s depression is somehow contagious. But we have uncovered surprising pockets of loving support in our wide network of friends, family, and acquaintances.
This is a manifesto and blueprint rolled into one! Thank you for naming so much of the queasy sensations of midlife. If we are willing to be radically honest with ourselves, and to take small actions in the direction we want to go, midlife may well be the best time of our lives.
This was like a kick up the backside gor me lol
All great tips. I particularly like the idea of spending your energy wisely. This is something I've really been paying attention to this year.
Oh this resonates. Thanks for your candid wisdom
💯❤️💯
Done is better than perfect is now my life motto. No one has ever said that to me. Thank you so much!🙂
This feels so true to what so many of us wake up to in midlife. There is a moment when the autopilot slips and you start seeing your life without the buffering. It can be disorienting, but it can also be the first real breath you’ve taken in years.
What you wrote echoes the work I’ve done in my own becoming. Especially the part about listening to discomfort instead of trying to fix it. That was a turning point for me. It became the doorway back to myself. Midlife feels like a reckoning, but also a reclamation. The sense that you cannot keep abandoning yourself and also expect to feel alive.
Thank you for naming this with such clarity. It is a reminder that sorting our lives out is less about perfection and more about the courage to stop pretending.