Currently 40... Maybe ending a relationship, or at least ending the parts of the relationship that hurt me and not allowing that behavior to continue. Learning to enjoy my own company and live how I want before I'm too old to enjoy it. Thank you 💛
I’ve started anew lots of times! Each one builds more character. At 42 I got married and a year later had a baby. Life changing for a person who defined herself by her job. At 64, I moved to Greece with my husband and write about it in my Substack! Quite a change from running companies!
Thanks for your article, Ellen. It IS interesting how we face midlife challenges.
At 48, this last year has been full of events that I did not see coming. I worked hard to build a lifestyle on authentic terms: living creatively offgrid. And I don’t have regrets about that.
But early this year, my 17-year relationship ended— and just as I was about to launch a practice that was important to me. And while there are no bad guys or notable bad decisions: there was grief that comes with having loved and lost.
It reminded me that what is most precious is also vulnerable— and to embrace that—and not to succumb to scripted messaging about failure when there is more to it than that. Sometimes the emerging need for change does not imply a diminished value of what came before it.
It takes courage to start again. But oddly, this process can give a lot too.
Thanks again for the prompts on embracing change across all of life.
Thanks again, Ellen for a wonderful and insightful article. As I contemplate my next steps, this helped me clarify something that sort of has me stuck. I’ve always valued having a sense of purpose in my work, not just earning a living, but making a difference. For 41 years I have labored tirelessly in the service of young people as a high school science teacher. I have loved it and always felt that if I made a difference in just one child’s life each year, it was all worth it. Suddenly, I’ve lost that passion. This article made me think that maybe my purpose now needs to be on me. What is it that I want? What will give me meaning? What is my personal purpose apart from my identity as a teacher? Do I even need a purpose, or can I do some mindless job and focus on my hobbies and personal pursuits? Great food for thought! Thanks again.
I'm 66 recently retired and have been struggling to see who I am now without my work persona. I'm finding some relationships very challenging now and keep being accused of changing and not being her, the person I was. I don't want to be her anymore. I'm excited to see who I am now. Problem is other people aren't 😔
Wow! Thanks for articulating what so many of us are needing to hear right now. Words matter. Their implications matter, especially if they are or are not true. Circumstances do have the ability to make us stronger, more conscious, more present and authentic. Re-naming the new phase/season/chapter of our lives can be so empowering and liberating, and the truth can really set us free! Thanks for giving us “permission” to live with a more accurate point of view! The best is yet to come!🌟✅
This is such a lovely - and inspirational - reframe of the usual narrative. I love the depth of it, how it encompasses psychology and biology and history and sociology and and and....without getting mired down in trying to describe those things. It *illustrates* them, differently for each individual. And I love the breadth of it, the way it allows us to keep our stories continuous, even when we there are loops and swirls. But best of all is the honesty, the way the honesty of the writing allows us to explore our own honest selves, as we move into freedom and autonomy.
At 41, I wanted to run away to Bali and never look back, but I didn't. Therapy and a husband and 2 kids who still need me around kept me here. I still want a wild trip there someday, maybe when I'm 50 in a couple years. Currently, I'm living day to day, my future self and my past self are no longer in control. Thank you for the insight.
Thank you for the insights. It is reassuring to read about feelings and actions I have been experiencing and to have them validated. At almost 73, I am choosing what I want to do instead of spending time with people who are no longer in sync with me.
At 43, I'm starting to call things out as I see them more. I know a job change is on the horizon after 21 years of doing meaningful, but taxing work. I realized my spirit has outgrown it and it is not being valued anymore by those who say they need me to do it but won't continue to compensate my value fairly anymore and want to act like their doing me a huge favor by giving me less. So I have been truth telling that lately. I can see myself taking a few months off to meditate about what I really want for the first time in my always-filling-in-the-
Deciding who gets a seat at the table. I want everyone to be nourished and have what they need (physically and emotionally), it just might not come from my table.
Funny but this column fits my ex husband perfectly. I have come to realize since he left in 2009 that we were not a great match but he was the one who needed to start over. I thought we were in a comfortable place but he was bored. We’re both good now.
I've stopped working. I didn't do it intentionally, but I've been applying for work that's temporary/seasonal and for roles that interest me, but I haven't been hired. I figure it's the Universe directing me so I'm going with the flow and pursuing more volunteer work and doing activities that interest me. Of course I wonder what my purpose is at this stage in life and while not working feels somewhat risky, I'm willing to ride through this experience and just enjoy exploring.
I love this Maya! It's a constant struggle for me too. I'm learning (with difficulty) that a quiet, simple life is a huge luxury, even when the world is shouting the opposite.
Currently 40... Maybe ending a relationship, or at least ending the parts of the relationship that hurt me and not allowing that behavior to continue. Learning to enjoy my own company and live how I want before I'm too old to enjoy it. Thank you 💛
I’ve started anew lots of times! Each one builds more character. At 42 I got married and a year later had a baby. Life changing for a person who defined herself by her job. At 64, I moved to Greece with my husband and write about it in my Substack! Quite a change from running companies!
Thanks for your article, Ellen. It IS interesting how we face midlife challenges.
At 48, this last year has been full of events that I did not see coming. I worked hard to build a lifestyle on authentic terms: living creatively offgrid. And I don’t have regrets about that.
But early this year, my 17-year relationship ended— and just as I was about to launch a practice that was important to me. And while there are no bad guys or notable bad decisions: there was grief that comes with having loved and lost.
It reminded me that what is most precious is also vulnerable— and to embrace that—and not to succumb to scripted messaging about failure when there is more to it than that. Sometimes the emerging need for change does not imply a diminished value of what came before it.
It takes courage to start again. But oddly, this process can give a lot too.
Thanks again for the prompts on embracing change across all of life.
Thanks again, Ellen for a wonderful and insightful article. As I contemplate my next steps, this helped me clarify something that sort of has me stuck. I’ve always valued having a sense of purpose in my work, not just earning a living, but making a difference. For 41 years I have labored tirelessly in the service of young people as a high school science teacher. I have loved it and always felt that if I made a difference in just one child’s life each year, it was all worth it. Suddenly, I’ve lost that passion. This article made me think that maybe my purpose now needs to be on me. What is it that I want? What will give me meaning? What is my personal purpose apart from my identity as a teacher? Do I even need a purpose, or can I do some mindless job and focus on my hobbies and personal pursuits? Great food for thought! Thanks again.
I'm 66 recently retired and have been struggling to see who I am now without my work persona. I'm finding some relationships very challenging now and keep being accused of changing and not being her, the person I was. I don't want to be her anymore. I'm excited to see who I am now. Problem is other people aren't 😔
Love the reframing. I'll have to rethink what I've been calling my midlife restart.
Wow! Thanks for articulating what so many of us are needing to hear right now. Words matter. Their implications matter, especially if they are or are not true. Circumstances do have the ability to make us stronger, more conscious, more present and authentic. Re-naming the new phase/season/chapter of our lives can be so empowering and liberating, and the truth can really set us free! Thanks for giving us “permission” to live with a more accurate point of view! The best is yet to come!🌟✅
This is such a lovely - and inspirational - reframe of the usual narrative. I love the depth of it, how it encompasses psychology and biology and history and sociology and and and....without getting mired down in trying to describe those things. It *illustrates* them, differently for each individual. And I love the breadth of it, the way it allows us to keep our stories continuous, even when we there are loops and swirls. But best of all is the honesty, the way the honesty of the writing allows us to explore our own honest selves, as we move into freedom and autonomy.
At 41, I wanted to run away to Bali and never look back, but I didn't. Therapy and a husband and 2 kids who still need me around kept me here. I still want a wild trip there someday, maybe when I'm 50 in a couple years. Currently, I'm living day to day, my future self and my past self are no longer in control. Thank you for the insight.
Thank you for the insights. It is reassuring to read about feelings and actions I have been experiencing and to have them validated. At almost 73, I am choosing what I want to do instead of spending time with people who are no longer in sync with me.
At 43, I'm starting to call things out as I see them more. I know a job change is on the horizon after 21 years of doing meaningful, but taxing work. I realized my spirit has outgrown it and it is not being valued anymore by those who say they need me to do it but won't continue to compensate my value fairly anymore and want to act like their doing me a huge favor by giving me less. So I have been truth telling that lately. I can see myself taking a few months off to meditate about what I really want for the first time in my always-filling-in-the-
gap-so-other-people-don't-fall life. Lol.
Deciding who gets a seat at the table. I want everyone to be nourished and have what they need (physically and emotionally), it just might not come from my table.
It’s finally being honest with ourselves and act on it.
Funny but this column fits my ex husband perfectly. I have come to realize since he left in 2009 that we were not a great match but he was the one who needed to start over. I thought we were in a comfortable place but he was bored. We’re both good now.
I've stopped working. I didn't do it intentionally, but I've been applying for work that's temporary/seasonal and for roles that interest me, but I haven't been hired. I figure it's the Universe directing me so I'm going with the flow and pursuing more volunteer work and doing activities that interest me. Of course I wonder what my purpose is at this stage in life and while not working feels somewhat risky, I'm willing to ride through this experience and just enjoy exploring.
I've stopped pretending to want to achieve "huge" outwardly goals and instead be okay with a quiet, simple daily life.
I love this Maya! It's a constant struggle for me too. I'm learning (with difficulty) that a quiet, simple life is a huge luxury, even when the world is shouting the opposite.