I'm Finally Doing What I Was Scared to Try at 55. Here’s Why You Should Too.
Because the fear doesn’t go away and neither does the dream.
Here's the uncomfortable truth nobody wants to admit: The women who claim they have it all figured out are either lying, delusional, or living incredibly small lives.
I’m not judging. But let me tell you that I'm living proof that the alternative is so much better.
The Myth That's Quietly Killing Us
We've been fed this story that by our 40s, we should be coasting—career on track, relationships solid, kids (if we have them) mostly self-sufficient, our bodies still cooperating, our purpose clear as day.
This story isn’t just wrong. It's toxic.
It makes us think that questioning everything, feeling unsettled, or wanting to blow up our carefully constructed lives means we're broken. But what if the opposite is true?
My Beautiful, Never-Ending Mess
Let me get vulnerable with you for a moment.
At 45, I realized my career was making me miserable. Hell, I don't even know if you could say I "had a career." I would go from job to job trying to figure out what would make me happy. I felt ashamed that I didn't have it figured out.
I would joke to people that I was still trying to discover "what I wanted to be when I grew up" to cover the shame I was feeling. Inside, I was constantly asking myself, "What is wrong with me?"
Sound familiar?
Funny thing is: When I stopped analyzing everything and led with my heart, I slowly uncovered what I was meant to do. The very wandering I was ashamed of became the foundation for meaningful work.
But the real jaw-dropper—the one that might shock you: I'm 70 now, still figuring it out and ready to edit again.
After my midlife evolution at 46, I began to realize that I will never have it all figured out.
Reinventing at 70 (Hell, yeah)
For years, I had this quiet dream to build something online. Last year, this thought wouldn’t leave me alone, so I started playing around with a website.
Then, I met Karen. After learning more about Substack a few months ago, I decided to plunge forward (thank you Karen!) Now here I am—after full days seeing therapy clients—dragging myself to the computer to write.
To create.
To finally do the thing I was too afraid to try at 55. Or even 65.
Act 3
Many women have an Act 2, but I’m now in Act 3! I think I need therapy!
I'm proving that we can still be creating and evolving at 70.
Here's what I've learned:
Get curious about what your gut is telling you
Be comfortable with uncertainty
Even at my age, I'm still growing, still questioning, still becoming more of who I’m meant to be.
This is now the hardest thing I've ever done—harder than changing careers. Being vulnerable and creating content to release in the universe is freakin' scary.
But growth doesn't happen when you sit in comfort. My heart is now pulling me in a new direction.
What Decades of Living Has Taught Me
If you're feeling lost in your 40s, 50s, or beyond, here's what I wish someone had told me decades ago:
Your brain is literally changing. Scientists tell us that midlife brings real neurological shifts. You're not losing your mind—you're expanding it. And guess what? It doesn't stop at 50 or 60 or even 70.
Everything you learned becomes outdated. The career advice from your 20s? Obsolete. The relationship rules you followed? They don't work anymore. The life script you were given? It was written for a world that no longer exists.
You've lived long enough to spot the bullshit. That restlessness you feel? It's not a character flaw. It's wisdom. You can finally see what's actually worth your time and what's just noise.
Let’s Talk About Aging
There is an assumption that we should slow down, settle down, and stop dreaming as we age.
That's not wisdom—that's surrender.
The woman at 45 who leaves her soul-crushing job isn't having a breakdown—she's having a breakthrough.
The woman at 55 questioning her marriage isn't being selfish—she's being honest for the first time in years.
The woman at 65 who suddenly wants to travel solo, start painting, or completely reinvent herself isn't having a crisis—she's finally living.
And the woman at 70 who decides to start sharing her voice with the world? She's not crazy—she's courageous.
The Women Who Worry Me
You know what concerns me? The women at any age who swear they have it all figured out:
The Autopilot Angels: Still living out a plan they made 20 years ago. Mistaking busy for fulfilled.
The Good Enough Gang: Settled into meh and called it maturity.
The Perfect Life Performers: So busy performing, they forgot what they actually want.
I've been all of these women at different points. And you know what? Those were my most miserable periods.
Here's Your Permission Slip (At Any Age)
You're supposed to question the life you built when you didn't know any better. You're supposed to outgrow who you used to be.
That itch you can't scratch? That's your authentic self trying to break free from who you thought you had to be.
The confusion about what's next? That's the beautiful burden of having lived long enough to know you have choices.
The voice telling you it's too late to change? That’s just fear.
My Challenge to You (Whatever Your Age)
Here's something to think about: Stop trying to have it all figured out.
Instead:
✔️ Make peace with not knowing
✔️ Start small before you blow it all up
✔️ Find the women who are winging it (we’re everywhere)
✔️ Trust that confusion = growth
The Truth That No One Talks
The most interesting, vibrant, authentic women I know are always a little bit lost—at every age.
They're still growing at 50, still questioning at 60, still becoming at 70.
They're brave enough to admit they don't have all the answers and curious enough to keep exploring better questions.
They understand that a life well-lived includes multiple acts, countless changes, and endless reinventions.
A Lifelong Manifesto
So here's to being beautifully, courageously, authentically uncertain—at 40, 50, 60, 70, and beyond.
Here's to the women who understand that "having it all figured out" was never the point—living fully, honestly, and courageously is.
Here's to those of us brave enough to keep questioning, keep growing, keep becoming more of who we're meant to be—no matter how many decades we've been on this planet.
Your confusion isn't a crisis. It's your internal compass pointing toward something more aligned with who you've become and who you're still becoming.
Trust it. Follow it. See where it leads.
I'm 70 and still following mine.
What's your experience with the pressure to "have it all figured out"? Are you learning to trust the uncertainty at whatever stage you're in?
I'd love to hear your story—this conversation is too important to have alone.
Oh, Elllen - I love this so much... and not just because I got a little cameo as your "Karen" in your Act 3! :) Everything you’re saying is the antidote to that “coast into irrelevance” script so many of us were handed. Uncertainty is not a flaw, it’s proof you’re still alive in the best sense. Thank you for showing ** by inspiring example ** that there’s no sell-by date on curiosity or reinvention. Here’s to many more edits, pivots, and deliciously unfinished chapters!!
I’m was so happy to read this. Ever since I quit my job at 43 to start my own integrative medical practice my life has been a roller coaster. I hated my previous stable job at a medical practice run my misogynist men but wow - I threw myself into a cyclone that I was not prepared for. It was great for a few years, but the stress of it all took its toll. I also realized I hate managing people. I also realized I loved research, writing and speaking more than being a doctor. That’s a 500,000 dollar mistake! It took the pandemic, an out of state move and menopause the finally force me to give it up. Not to admit defeat but to finally decide I’m done. Financially it’s been a struggle, but at 56 I am once again starting over but this time with authenticity and no fucks given. It’s scary to look around and realize that there is no designated path to follow. You have to discard who you thought you were. But I am finally allowing myself to be who I am right now.