Love the distinction btwn people pleasing & fawning! As an adult born & raised in a Christian cult, I fawned to survive & yes, it’s hard wired into my nervous system. Rewiring requires recognition, course correction, acceptance & grace. Btw, did you know that Rachel Bernstein signs off every podcast with ‘One more thing before you go’?
This brought tears to my eyes. I’m only now, at 54, starting to understand that fawning has always been there, hidden deep in my deepest unconscious. It has been crushing to see it, and to take stock of the cost. But also liberating to heal (with lots of professional help) and start feeling something healthier in my body, in my response to the world. Thank for you naming this.
We are close in age. It’s certainly not too late for us & it takes courage to do this work & release a shame so closely associated with this behavior. People generally think, oh, just change…but it’s not so simple when it was literally wired into our operating system!
Thank you for that. It is definitely so much harder than “just change.” I’m not sure anyone can understand it who hasn’t felt it deep down in their cells for a lifetime. Thank goodness change is possible though! It’s such a joy to feel free of the fawning
I didn’t need to read beyond the title - I knew what you were going to say. I did read, though. It is helpful to be working with a therapist because the older you are, the harder it is to recognize it.
Love the distinction btwn people pleasing & fawning! As an adult born & raised in a Christian cult, I fawned to survive & yes, it’s hard wired into my nervous system. Rewiring requires recognition, course correction, acceptance & grace. Btw, did you know that Rachel Bernstein signs off every podcast with ‘One more thing before you go’?
This brought tears to my eyes. I’m only now, at 54, starting to understand that fawning has always been there, hidden deep in my deepest unconscious. It has been crushing to see it, and to take stock of the cost. But also liberating to heal (with lots of professional help) and start feeling something healthier in my body, in my response to the world. Thank for you naming this.
We are close in age. It’s certainly not too late for us & it takes courage to do this work & release a shame so closely associated with this behavior. People generally think, oh, just change…but it’s not so simple when it was literally wired into our operating system!
Thank you for that. It is definitely so much harder than “just change.” I’m not sure anyone can understand it who hasn’t felt it deep down in their cells for a lifetime. Thank goodness change is possible though! It’s such a joy to feel free of the fawning
The physical feelings you described are so precisely identical to what I’ve experienced with fawning that I couldn’t believe it 🤯
I didn’t need to read beyond the title - I knew what you were going to say. I did read, though. It is helpful to be working with a therapist because the older you are, the harder it is to recognize it.
I needed to hear this. Thank you so much x
Very well said and something i’ve never thought of. Thanks for posting!
I grew up with one of those parents except she was predictable in her bad behavior.