Thanks for the label of ambiguous loss. I’ve been letting go of an outdated version but still clinging. I need to move forward. Thanks for the push and cheering.
I am glad I happened upon this today. I was pulling out old jewelry supplies I moved with me 20 years ago when I moved mutiple states away. I am now 1 year post divorce and looking at parts of who were me way back then remind me of what I kept saying I would get to someday... maybe its time to give it a chance or give it a little twist of who I am now. I bought my own house after my divorce but did not return to where family still remain. The past are memories of who I am today but I can't keep storing portions of them away in bins still.
I think this post found me when I needed it. I have a drawer of surgical supplies, medical notes and cancer books I opened looking for a book today. I’m going to finally go through it so I can clear space to move on.
It's interesting, Ellen. A month ago, I tried to write a similar article about keeping stuff from the past, but it just wouldn't work out. On one hand, I keep nothing. I'm not attached to stuff. On the other hand, I have a friend who keeps everything from her past, her mother's and her grandmother's. It wasn't about hoarding, and I finally decided it needed to be about identities, and that's the article that got posted. You di a great job with this one. Thanks. Blue💙
I faced one of these drawers a few years ago and surprised myself with the past self that I believed was gone. That person was a martial artist. For the third time in my life I joined a local dojo and started at white belt again
I was 56 and now I've passed the rank I was twice before in my journey. Much of the old me had to fall away for this dream to begin again and I am truly focused this time. I intend to make it to a black belt this time and I've stopped letting the things that derailed me before interrupt again. Letting go is part of my success so far. Allowing the grief to process has given space for my determination to progress and I am grateful. 🥋💓
This is such a powerful way to create change, both physically and in our hearts and souls. Being intentional about sorting our old stuff can create a shift that goes beyond a clean drawer. Perhaps it's drawing on unexplained mystical forces once we show we are serious or maybe it's part of earning our self respect. Then there's the benefit we all feel when we finally clean something up🙂 Whatever it is, it's a good thing! Thanks Ellen.
Thank you so much for this. I feel the weight of that former me rising up like moths that have eaten through an old sweater I never like that never fit me…
Thank you for this reminder to make room for new identities. It resonated with me. Grieve the old, thank the old... if possible, remember it fondly, or with compassion, maybe forgiveness. Then gently welcome what you are becoming.
Thank you so much for this article. I literally have a room I need to go through. After an emotionally traumatic incident just over 4 years ago, I've done nothing but sleep in my room. I have stacked boxes and mail up on each other as it came in, so much so that I can no longer walk around my bed. I know the day will come soon that I need to go through it. I need to take the first step and start. Your article was really encouraging.
This was helpful - reminding us to let go of our past selves to allow the new to emerge. What I am mourning is the ‘ambiguous loss’ of friends with whom I shared many commonalities, but now, not so much. Some of those old friends don’t seem to fit so much anymore. It is quite sad to close those chapters.
Ambiguous loss of friends is a hard one for me too. I don’t want to “downgrade” friendships to “well that was proximity-based, I guess” but I’m realizing that, in truth, easy proximity is such a big part! But what I’m realizing is how smart the old advice is to kids: go and do what YOU like doing and you’ll make friends there! If what I enjoy doing has changed, then it makes sense my “proximity mates” will too 🤪
Synchronicity is real. I woke up at 5:20 this morning in my same thought loop - Ruminating about the past. My nightstand drawers hold journals from decades and hollow remains of epic books never written. I had an overwhelming desire to take all and burn them even though they are my story. I lost my only child unexpectedly in 2007. Eight years ago my third marriage had a wake up call. My husband had been cheating for years. I stayed but the person I was is gone and her dreams seem hollow. At age 73 I love the girl who wrote those lines and I don't want to abandon her. Thank you for giving me some fresh perspective and to see I'm not alone on this road. 💞
I'm an so happy that I found your writings. As a middle age transgender woman who started at 43, I found so much of my struggles throughout my life in your words. I'm happy to finally embrace and work on myself, rather than just walking through life and taking care of others. Thank you!
Thanks for the label of ambiguous loss. I’ve been letting go of an outdated version but still clinging. I need to move forward. Thanks for the push and cheering.
I am glad I happened upon this today. I was pulling out old jewelry supplies I moved with me 20 years ago when I moved mutiple states away. I am now 1 year post divorce and looking at parts of who were me way back then remind me of what I kept saying I would get to someday... maybe its time to give it a chance or give it a little twist of who I am now. I bought my own house after my divorce but did not return to where family still remain. The past are memories of who I am today but I can't keep storing portions of them away in bins still.
Interesting Ellen, thanks again.
I just wrote a note about my looming divorce as an authenticity restructuring project.
So I relate to this a lot. 😆
Still going through those real drawers and metaphorical ones.
And getting rid of more than I'd ever imagined. A lot of it was really hard won.
But it does feel like the finishing process you speak of is doing something for me.
I'm feeling a little lighter. And incrementally less afraid of the looming void.
I think this post found me when I needed it. I have a drawer of surgical supplies, medical notes and cancer books I opened looking for a book today. I’m going to finally go through it so I can clear space to move on.
Beautiful. Love everything about this.
It's interesting, Ellen. A month ago, I tried to write a similar article about keeping stuff from the past, but it just wouldn't work out. On one hand, I keep nothing. I'm not attached to stuff. On the other hand, I have a friend who keeps everything from her past, her mother's and her grandmother's. It wasn't about hoarding, and I finally decided it needed to be about identities, and that's the article that got posted. You di a great job with this one. Thanks. Blue💙
Needed this today ❤️ Thank you
I faced one of these drawers a few years ago and surprised myself with the past self that I believed was gone. That person was a martial artist. For the third time in my life I joined a local dojo and started at white belt again
I was 56 and now I've passed the rank I was twice before in my journey. Much of the old me had to fall away for this dream to begin again and I am truly focused this time. I intend to make it to a black belt this time and I've stopped letting the things that derailed me before interrupt again. Letting go is part of my success so far. Allowing the grief to process has given space for my determination to progress and I am grateful. 🥋💓
This is such a powerful way to create change, both physically and in our hearts and souls. Being intentional about sorting our old stuff can create a shift that goes beyond a clean drawer. Perhaps it's drawing on unexplained mystical forces once we show we are serious or maybe it's part of earning our self respect. Then there's the benefit we all feel when we finally clean something up🙂 Whatever it is, it's a good thing! Thanks Ellen.
Thank you so much for this. I feel the weight of that former me rising up like moths that have eaten through an old sweater I never like that never fit me…
Thank you for this reminder to make room for new identities. It resonated with me. Grieve the old, thank the old... if possible, remember it fondly, or with compassion, maybe forgiveness. Then gently welcome what you are becoming.
Thank you so much for this article. I literally have a room I need to go through. After an emotionally traumatic incident just over 4 years ago, I've done nothing but sleep in my room. I have stacked boxes and mail up on each other as it came in, so much so that I can no longer walk around my bed. I know the day will come soon that I need to go through it. I need to take the first step and start. Your article was really encouraging.
This was helpful - reminding us to let go of our past selves to allow the new to emerge. What I am mourning is the ‘ambiguous loss’ of friends with whom I shared many commonalities, but now, not so much. Some of those old friends don’t seem to fit so much anymore. It is quite sad to close those chapters.
Ambiguous loss of friends is a hard one for me too. I don’t want to “downgrade” friendships to “well that was proximity-based, I guess” but I’m realizing that, in truth, easy proximity is such a big part! But what I’m realizing is how smart the old advice is to kids: go and do what YOU like doing and you’ll make friends there! If what I enjoy doing has changed, then it makes sense my “proximity mates” will too 🤪
A wonderful read and important to consider what we actually know… putting action forward and doing it. Thank you.
Synchronicity is real. I woke up at 5:20 this morning in my same thought loop - Ruminating about the past. My nightstand drawers hold journals from decades and hollow remains of epic books never written. I had an overwhelming desire to take all and burn them even though they are my story. I lost my only child unexpectedly in 2007. Eight years ago my third marriage had a wake up call. My husband had been cheating for years. I stayed but the person I was is gone and her dreams seem hollow. At age 73 I love the girl who wrote those lines and I don't want to abandon her. Thank you for giving me some fresh perspective and to see I'm not alone on this road. 💞
I'm an so happy that I found your writings. As a middle age transgender woman who started at 43, I found so much of my struggles throughout my life in your words. I'm happy to finally embrace and work on myself, rather than just walking through life and taking care of others. Thank you!
I needed this too. Thank you.