The ancient goddess cultures tell us there are three segments to a woman's life; the maiden, the mother and the Crone.
Contributing to this conversation as I approach my 81st birthday, I'm speaking from your future Self, the Crone phase of life. My maiden/mother phases were much different than yours.
In 1945, there was no "technology". When I was a child television hadn't appeared yet. Most folks had a wooden, floor-standing radio. We'd sit around the radio at night, listening to Sky King, Fibber McGee and Molly, Jack Benny, news shows having to do with our country and politics. I don't remember having a phone or a TV until the 50s.
For my generation, in today's world, holding an iPhone in our hands is truly an out-of-body, mind boggling event.
Back then, we never had any worries, anxiety about transition plans or a guidebook. It didn't matter if we got it or not because existing in the world was much simpler back then.
Today, looking at the ever-changing, overwhelming world of technology, especially how the dark side is affecting our children and grandchildren, I cherish those simpler, peaceful times.
My daughter is still in her mother phase, midlife, fifty, fully tech savvy and experiencing perimenopause. That said, she's a fabulous mother, fabulous at everything she does and is.
My granddaughter, in her maiden stage, soon to begin high school, hears all of our stories, advice, our combined wisdom, ensuring she can be whoever she chooses to be now and into adulthood.
As Ms. Scherr speaks to in this article, the most important thing any woman of any age can do is to love herself unconditionally. Be patient with the cadence of life. Stay curious. Forge new paths for yourself, know that you are the CEO of your life. Celebrate yourself.
I published a book when I was 64. Empowering women, preparing women for this phase of life is my passion. We're led to believe we're dried-up and done by the time we reach my age.
Never believe chronological age is a bad thing, something to fear. The crone is the wise woman, the grandmother, the triple goddess. She's in her mastery, at the pinnacle of her being. This stage brings enormous joy and gratitude.
In the exciting throes of starting a new business keeps me passionate about the future. My wellness includes a much younger lover; our sexual being does not fade with age; quite the opposite. I still wear my fishnet hose, go dancing (R&B-Hip Hop my fave). Keeping my mind overflowing with positivity keeps my body healthy and my spirit all in perfect balance.
Our thoughts beget experiences and choices. Learn from them.
"That feeling of being almost sure you were the only one who didn't get it yet? That feeling never fully left. It just changed clothes."? That is it!! This is what I study in fashion psychology, the constant low-grade anxiety that everyone else has it figured out and you're behind. But you're not behind. You've been adapting without a map for decades while making it look easy. The exhaustion you feel isn't failure, it's the cost of concealing all that effort. Midlife isn't asking you to keep up. It's asking you to stop performing and choose yourself. So powerful, Ellen.
As a midlife woman, I get this. And it is good. 🙏🏽 finally starting to question what I really want to build, with every choice I make. Thanks for sharing!
Great article, Ellen. Yes, the world is changing rapidly. Those in their 40s, 50s, or 60s have had to learn to adapt to the Internet, social media, and cell phones. At 82, I continue to embrace change, learn new things, and try to stay current to keep my brain as young as possible. My guess is that most of us writing on Substack fit into that category. Perhaps I'm wrong? I recently found out that 90% of my subscribers also have a Substack account. We had to spend weeks learning the intricacies of Substack. I spent hours watching YouTube videos on Substack and more, watching Sarah Fay's tutorials. Perhaps your subscribers are different? Do I think everyone needs to stay current? Absolutely not. If people find themselves in a place of both comfort and contentment with the life they are living... absolutely not. I envy them. Their lives are simpler, probably less stressful and they have found their bliss. For some of us, that's not our path. Blue💙
True. But I am 70 & terrified. Don't even know where to go to learn Substack, but know if I bought a subscription to every newsletter or lesson-giver I find fascinating, there would be nothing left for survival. Suggestions please?
The premise here doesn’t seem to apply to what I see as the growth-driven life approach. “Ground kept moving, you kept up, now you’re tired” treats adaptation as burden. It’s not. It’s evidence of capacity.
Behavioral reality: humans are adaptation machines. We’re built for variable environments, novel stimuli, pattern recognition under uncertainty. Growth-driven life isn’t exhausting…stagnation is. Sitting still while your cognitive architecture is designed for navigation produces the low-grade despair people mistake for wisdom.
The impatience, the exploration, the churn, that’s not a bug. That’s optimal functioning. You’re responding to information, updating, moving toward what’s interesting. System 2 doing its job while System 1 gets dopamine from novelty and mastery.
That’s also the beauty of living and spending time in our natural environment, nature—-ever evolving/changing.
The cultural narrative that you’re supposed to “arrive” and rest? That’s mythology from people who confused exhaustion from misalignment with exhaustion from engagement. If the ground is moving and you’re keeping up, you’re not tired, you’re alive. Fatigue comes from fighting the movement or pretending it’s not happening.
Stillness within movement, observing then choosing direction, is mastery. Stillness as escape from adaptation is just optimizing for the wrong metric.
Thank you for this interesting piece that made me reflect.
—Johan
Someone who has never kept still but has gone on meditation retreat for weeks at a time. (I guess I’m a weird contradiction ;))
The ancient goddess cultures tell us there are three segments to a woman's life; the maiden, the mother and the Crone.
Contributing to this conversation as I approach my 81st birthday, I'm speaking from your future Self, the Crone phase of life. My maiden/mother phases were much different than yours.
In 1945, there was no "technology". When I was a child television hadn't appeared yet. Most folks had a wooden, floor-standing radio. We'd sit around the radio at night, listening to Sky King, Fibber McGee and Molly, Jack Benny, news shows having to do with our country and politics. I don't remember having a phone or a TV until the 50s.
For my generation, in today's world, holding an iPhone in our hands is truly an out-of-body, mind boggling event.
Back then, we never had any worries, anxiety about transition plans or a guidebook. It didn't matter if we got it or not because existing in the world was much simpler back then.
Today, looking at the ever-changing, overwhelming world of technology, especially how the dark side is affecting our children and grandchildren, I cherish those simpler, peaceful times.
My daughter is still in her mother phase, midlife, fifty, fully tech savvy and experiencing perimenopause. That said, she's a fabulous mother, fabulous at everything she does and is.
My granddaughter, in her maiden stage, soon to begin high school, hears all of our stories, advice, our combined wisdom, ensuring she can be whoever she chooses to be now and into adulthood.
As Ms. Scherr speaks to in this article, the most important thing any woman of any age can do is to love herself unconditionally. Be patient with the cadence of life. Stay curious. Forge new paths for yourself, know that you are the CEO of your life. Celebrate yourself.
I published a book when I was 64. Empowering women, preparing women for this phase of life is my passion. We're led to believe we're dried-up and done by the time we reach my age.
Never believe chronological age is a bad thing, something to fear. The crone is the wise woman, the grandmother, the triple goddess. She's in her mastery, at the pinnacle of her being. This stage brings enormous joy and gratitude.
In the exciting throes of starting a new business keeps me passionate about the future. My wellness includes a much younger lover; our sexual being does not fade with age; quite the opposite. I still wear my fishnet hose, go dancing (R&B-Hip Hop my fave). Keeping my mind overflowing with positivity keeps my body healthy and my spirit all in perfect balance.
Our thoughts beget experiences and choices. Learn from them.
"Live your bliss". ~ Joseph Campbell
Joan ~ The Sexy Crone (an oxymoron)
You just said that! Thank you!
"That feeling of being almost sure you were the only one who didn't get it yet? That feeling never fully left. It just changed clothes."? That is it!! This is what I study in fashion psychology, the constant low-grade anxiety that everyone else has it figured out and you're behind. But you're not behind. You've been adapting without a map for decades while making it look easy. The exhaustion you feel isn't failure, it's the cost of concealing all that effort. Midlife isn't asking you to keep up. It's asking you to stop performing and choose yourself. So powerful, Ellen.
That idea of adapting over and over without ever really processing it… something about that feels heavier than just “keeping up.”
Here’s to being seen!
As a midlife woman, I get this. And it is good. 🙏🏽 finally starting to question what I really want to build, with every choice I make. Thanks for sharing!
Great article, Ellen. Yes, the world is changing rapidly. Those in their 40s, 50s, or 60s have had to learn to adapt to the Internet, social media, and cell phones. At 82, I continue to embrace change, learn new things, and try to stay current to keep my brain as young as possible. My guess is that most of us writing on Substack fit into that category. Perhaps I'm wrong? I recently found out that 90% of my subscribers also have a Substack account. We had to spend weeks learning the intricacies of Substack. I spent hours watching YouTube videos on Substack and more, watching Sarah Fay's tutorials. Perhaps your subscribers are different? Do I think everyone needs to stay current? Absolutely not. If people find themselves in a place of both comfort and contentment with the life they are living... absolutely not. I envy them. Their lives are simpler, probably less stressful and they have found their bliss. For some of us, that's not our path. Blue💙
I think it’s a case of carrying on riding the wave 🌹
Also true for those of us in our 70s!
Absolutely - thank you for your comment 😊
True. But I am 70 & terrified. Don't even know where to go to learn Substack, but know if I bought a subscription to every newsletter or lesson-giver I find fascinating, there would be nothing left for survival. Suggestions please?
The premise here doesn’t seem to apply to what I see as the growth-driven life approach. “Ground kept moving, you kept up, now you’re tired” treats adaptation as burden. It’s not. It’s evidence of capacity.
Behavioral reality: humans are adaptation machines. We’re built for variable environments, novel stimuli, pattern recognition under uncertainty. Growth-driven life isn’t exhausting…stagnation is. Sitting still while your cognitive architecture is designed for navigation produces the low-grade despair people mistake for wisdom.
The impatience, the exploration, the churn, that’s not a bug. That’s optimal functioning. You’re responding to information, updating, moving toward what’s interesting. System 2 doing its job while System 1 gets dopamine from novelty and mastery.
That’s also the beauty of living and spending time in our natural environment, nature—-ever evolving/changing.
The cultural narrative that you’re supposed to “arrive” and rest? That’s mythology from people who confused exhaustion from misalignment with exhaustion from engagement. If the ground is moving and you’re keeping up, you’re not tired, you’re alive. Fatigue comes from fighting the movement or pretending it’s not happening.
Stillness within movement, observing then choosing direction, is mastery. Stillness as escape from adaptation is just optimizing for the wrong metric.
Thank you for this interesting piece that made me reflect.
—Johan
Someone who has never kept still but has gone on meditation retreat for weeks at a time. (I guess I’m a weird contradiction ;))
Also true for those of us in our 60's.
Definitely struggling with all the “open tabs” I have going.