Great article, Ellen, and at 82, I had to nod visibly to each one, Yes! Yes! Yes! All the way through. I'm just not sure giving that handbook to younger generations would help much. Seems like a lot of these lessons are hard-earned and hard-won. Do you agree? Blue 💙
My therapist asked me last week- what do YOU want? I’ve left the marriage, left the job, waiting for the house to sell. I couldn’t answer, just broke down, I didn’t know and still don’t. So it’s here I start even though it feels terrifying.
“Stop being loyal to a version of yourself that doesn’t exist anymore” really stayed with me.
I loved the part about letting people be disappointed in you. That feels like one of the hardest parts of changing, not rushing in to repair everyone else’s discomfort just because you finally stopped disappearing.
And “you’re not starting over, you’re starting differently” is such a powerful reframe. Those years were not wasted. They were the map.
I feel like I need to print this and give it to my 32 year old niece and say, "If you want the secret to life... read this now. And then put it away and read it every five yaers." This is priceless info. Thank you!
I was going to leave a comment about an article i recently read about the neuroscience behind all this and i looked it up. Turns out it was your article! Keep up the good work!
That "knowing" before you start trying to rationalize it is your imaginative intelligence. That's the heart of my TEDx talk on the subject: how cultivating your imaginative intelligence brings you into alignment with your deepest self - not the self you're supposed to be.
Even though not every single thing here may apply to every one of us - we each have our individual battles to fight - take heart; this covers a multitude of midlife crises beautifully.
I've recently started to lean into the reality that my life is my own, not a performance for others. I am the author and curator of it. I really enjoy sharing my evolving expansion with others, but I remind myself I don't need anyone's permission to be fully me. Thank you for this insightful and spot-on piece.
I remember so clearly the day when my therapist said “You can no longer tolerate what you used to” and the lightbulb went off! Tolerance running out feels like a doorway into a better existence.
Lots of truth here, but I’m tired of everyone acting like your marriage ending has to be part of this phase of life. Sticking together and making it through this phase of life, WITH your spouse, is worth talking about because men go through some hormonal shit too. The caring for aging parents thing hits us both. Becoming the “old guy” on the sales team at 55. Rough. Idk what to say to that.
My spouse and I need a playbook for how to go crazy and then come back to sanity together, together.
Feels that ditching your marriage is becoming a rite of passage and it’s tiresome to keep reading as a given.
I really liked the article and especially the last part about the clothes for myself. I took a screenshot of it. Life is better as a 68 year old since I’ve decided take it or leave it- because I can go both ways and still be fine.
Great article, Ellen, and at 82, I had to nod visibly to each one, Yes! Yes! Yes! All the way through. I'm just not sure giving that handbook to younger generations would help much. Seems like a lot of these lessons are hard-earned and hard-won. Do you agree? Blue 💙
Yes, but many younger women are commenting, so maybe we can teach these lessons earlier.
I sure hope so, Ellen. Perhaps it’s easier to learn lessons from someone who isn’t your mother!! Blue💙
My therapist asked me last week- what do YOU want? I’ve left the marriage, left the job, waiting for the house to sell. I couldn’t answer, just broke down, I didn’t know and still don’t. So it’s here I start even though it feels terrifying.
“Stop being loyal to a version of yourself that doesn’t exist anymore” really stayed with me.
I loved the part about letting people be disappointed in you. That feels like one of the hardest parts of changing, not rushing in to repair everyone else’s discomfort just because you finally stopped disappearing.
And “you’re not starting over, you’re starting differently” is such a powerful reframe. Those years were not wasted. They were the map.
Wow - this is exactly the period on the messages that came through for me today! So clear, direct and yes, true. Thank you for writing this. Bravo!!
I feel like I need to print this and give it to my 32 year old niece and say, "If you want the secret to life... read this now. And then put it away and read it every five yaers." This is priceless info. Thank you!
I was going to leave a comment about an article i recently read about the neuroscience behind all this and i looked it up. Turns out it was your article! Keep up the good work!
That "knowing" before you start trying to rationalize it is your imaginative intelligence. That's the heart of my TEDx talk on the subject: how cultivating your imaginative intelligence brings you into alignment with your deepest self - not the self you're supposed to be.
This was such an affirming read! I’m 67 and still need to work on all of this! Thank you for the push!
Spot On.
Even though not every single thing here may apply to every one of us - we each have our individual battles to fight - take heart; this covers a multitude of midlife crises beautifully.
I've recently started to lean into the reality that my life is my own, not a performance for others. I am the author and curator of it. I really enjoy sharing my evolving expansion with others, but I remind myself I don't need anyone's permission to be fully me. Thank you for this insightful and spot-on piece.
I needed to give myself this at 37. Maybe 35.
I remember so clearly the day when my therapist said “You can no longer tolerate what you used to” and the lightbulb went off! Tolerance running out feels like a doorway into a better existence.
Thank you! 💜
Lots of truth here, but I’m tired of everyone acting like your marriage ending has to be part of this phase of life. Sticking together and making it through this phase of life, WITH your spouse, is worth talking about because men go through some hormonal shit too. The caring for aging parents thing hits us both. Becoming the “old guy” on the sales team at 55. Rough. Idk what to say to that.
My spouse and I need a playbook for how to go crazy and then come back to sanity together, together.
Feels that ditching your marriage is becoming a rite of passage and it’s tiresome to keep reading as a given.
This really spoke to me. I've been there and in someways I’m still transitioning to what I want. Thank you for writing this.
I really liked the article and especially the last part about the clothes for myself. I took a screenshot of it. Life is better as a 68 year old since I’ve decided take it or leave it- because I can go both ways and still be fine.
Going through it and loved your re-frame on losing everything. Sometimes it can feel like a free-fall. Sending this article to my friends. Thank you☺️