I’ve lived with that voice for decades, always in the background, sometimes whispering, sometimes screaming. Reading this, I felt seen in a way that textbooks or self-help never capture because it’s not just biology or theory, it’s lived chaos. Naming it, challenging it, building those new pathways… it’s hard work, messy work, but it’s the first time in years I feel like I could catch myself before the spiral takes over. Thank you for showing that the voice can change without pretending it’s gone.✨
While I don't experience peri/menopause, I've had a relentless inner critic that just would never listen to reason. He saw us as a complete loser for many years. I found that I had some unfinished business from childhood that I had to work through with exposure therapy, but after I did, I was able to reason with him better. I am thankful for neuroplasticity, or else change would not be possible. Thank you, Ellen for publishing this. Cognitive distortions can be very powerful. ❤️
My own experience has been very different. I don’t let that voice bother me anymore. I really don’t. Sometimes now I recognize it in other people’s feedback, and smile a little. It was a broken record for many years. It never said anything new, or true. Instead, I let perimenopause and menopause contribute to real change instead, and know that I have done my best, spoken my mind when required, and that “required” isn’t even close to the same thing as “effective.”
What the helly? Are we talking about a developmental challenge? A changing self perception based on life changes? Are we saying you got to midlife and felt like you failed and it's permeating your thinking? I don't understand what we are talking about. Why would it get worse, especially ...worse than puberty?? Early adulthood? The time when you have the least confidence and the most negative input? That doesn't make sense. Are we talking about a persistent bad mood that gets taken out on the self? Maybe? Can't yell at other people so it is turned inward? Maybe other people need to be yelled at? I'm spitballing here I genuinely don't know this. You're saying this is a common experience and that sounds counterintuitive. By midlife we have a lot of skills and accomplishments or a newborn freedom in pursuing those. It's counterintuitive that all of a sudden self hatred takes the stage.
Important information. And thank you for the reminder that menopause affects the brain and emotional regulation. My inner critic was beating me up for being so irritable, lol.
The "How to Train Your Brain" steps reminds me of Dr. Samenow's "Thinking for a Change," FREE, a cognitive behavior therapy CBT we used in the prison system. If used, it really works. You are right that it takes time, but after awhile it almost becomes natural.
Having OCD has made this perimenopause voice so much worse. Reading this helps because I didn’t know why my intrusive thoughts went on overdrive, like my brain is on steroids. This all makes sense know.
This critical inner voice isn’t confined to perimenopause or menopause. It can continue to haunt a woman’s brain after menopause. The critical inner voice can be especially difficult to silence if you’ve allowed yourself to remain trapped in toxic relationships with people who are often negative and critical of you. My inner critic left my brain when I removed myself from the relationships that had become toxic.
I have decided to name my interrupter, Gladys. Gladys was an older lady who used to come to my Dad’s pharmacy business. She was a talker and an interrupter. She would tip her head back and close her eyes and talk incessantly. No one could get a word in when Gladys was on a roll. lol. Just thinking about her makes me laugh.. I think she will be a good disrupter for the inner critic! Thanks for this, Ellen.
I’ve lived with that voice for decades, always in the background, sometimes whispering, sometimes screaming. Reading this, I felt seen in a way that textbooks or self-help never capture because it’s not just biology or theory, it’s lived chaos. Naming it, challenging it, building those new pathways… it’s hard work, messy work, but it’s the first time in years I feel like I could catch myself before the spiral takes over. Thank you for showing that the voice can change without pretending it’s gone.✨
While I don't experience peri/menopause, I've had a relentless inner critic that just would never listen to reason. He saw us as a complete loser for many years. I found that I had some unfinished business from childhood that I had to work through with exposure therapy, but after I did, I was able to reason with him better. I am thankful for neuroplasticity, or else change would not be possible. Thank you, Ellen for publishing this. Cognitive distortions can be very powerful. ❤️
This is very therapeutic and educative💙
I’d name mine nana
I think my hormonal voice was way worse when I had hormones. Now without any hormones ( complete hysterectomy) I just feel super peaceful
My own experience has been very different. I don’t let that voice bother me anymore. I really don’t. Sometimes now I recognize it in other people’s feedback, and smile a little. It was a broken record for many years. It never said anything new, or true. Instead, I let perimenopause and menopause contribute to real change instead, and know that I have done my best, spoken my mind when required, and that “required” isn’t even close to the same thing as “effective.”
What the helly? Are we talking about a developmental challenge? A changing self perception based on life changes? Are we saying you got to midlife and felt like you failed and it's permeating your thinking? I don't understand what we are talking about. Why would it get worse, especially ...worse than puberty?? Early adulthood? The time when you have the least confidence and the most negative input? That doesn't make sense. Are we talking about a persistent bad mood that gets taken out on the self? Maybe? Can't yell at other people so it is turned inward? Maybe other people need to be yelled at? I'm spitballing here I genuinely don't know this. You're saying this is a common experience and that sounds counterintuitive. By midlife we have a lot of skills and accomplishments or a newborn freedom in pursuing those. It's counterintuitive that all of a sudden self hatred takes the stage.
Important information. And thank you for the reminder that menopause affects the brain and emotional regulation. My inner critic was beating me up for being so irritable, lol.
The "How to Train Your Brain" steps reminds me of Dr. Samenow's "Thinking for a Change," FREE, a cognitive behavior therapy CBT we used in the prison system. If used, it really works. You are right that it takes time, but after awhile it almost becomes natural.
Having OCD has made this perimenopause voice so much worse. Reading this helps because I didn’t know why my intrusive thoughts went on overdrive, like my brain is on steroids. This all makes sense know.
This critical inner voice isn’t confined to perimenopause or menopause. It can continue to haunt a woman’s brain after menopause. The critical inner voice can be especially difficult to silence if you’ve allowed yourself to remain trapped in toxic relationships with people who are often negative and critical of you. My inner critic left my brain when I removed myself from the relationships that had become toxic.
This is so interesting and helpful. While reading the above article..exactly what I thought, what if you deal with a very negative person also?
Thank you. I've been struggling with my inner voice lately. It consistently tells me how much it hates me.🥹
Mine were & sometimes still pretty extreme. I know how do deal with them now though. Bless my heart 🙃
I have decided to name my interrupter, Gladys. Gladys was an older lady who used to come to my Dad’s pharmacy business. She was a talker and an interrupter. She would tip her head back and close her eyes and talk incessantly. No one could get a word in when Gladys was on a roll. lol. Just thinking about her makes me laugh.. I think she will be a good disrupter for the inner critic! Thanks for this, Ellen.
Good one; I should name mine, "Helen," my mother's name! Oy! My critic and interrupter since childhood!
You're Delores, I'm MsRhuby, pleased to meet you!
What does your inner voice sound like when you’re tired, hormonal, or overwhelmed and how do you usually respond to it?