Love this. Transformation is confronting, alchemical, exciting, daunting, life changing and the full spectrum of human emotion. And it’s really why we are here as humans. Suffering can be the portal for change & transformation but they don’t have to be. We can biohack it. Great questions you raise here to facilitate this process!
The friend you’ve had for twenty years who suddenly feels draining
The career path you were sure about that now feels hollow
The hobbies you used to love that bore you now
The version of yourself you keep trying to get back to, but can’t quite reach
I have had all of this, in a dizzying fashion. I am older now (60), but I mourn my old life, my younger self, my younger kids. My children are grown now, which is a totally different dynamic from when they were younger. An 18 year marriage I blew up for another man who turned out to be a jerk. My husband would take me back, even now ten years later, but he is a maga and I cannot do it. I really wish he wasn't but every time I ask him a political question he enrages me. I have had a few friends I've lost due to life circumstances, due to different worlds. I am taking care of my mom who broke her back, so I am with her when I am not working. I was sure about my career but then had injuries and had to change. (massage). I used to love yoga, but it hurts now. I am surviving. Trying very hard to have different hobbies, but still end up on the couch reading. Trying to transform into what?? I know I have to have a better attitude but I am disappointed in some things, and mad at myself for everything.
So sad to read this and totally understandable. The momentum of our programs compound and suddenly we have a life that we might look at with full of regret, victim mindset, resentment and regret. But please know this that you exist in all timelines everywhere all at once and every single second is a chance to turn it around. And I would start with forgiving yourself. The pain you feel in your back is predominantly and likely linked with your emotions. ( eastern medicine will show this if you are open to understand understanding that viewpoint.) and they should give Great hope because as you release those trapped feelings of trauma which likely came from your own childhood and not bringing her so much of our ancestral stain does… Start with that start with Healing yourself to giving yourself for giving everybody moving your body slowly a slow walk even if you can’t manage the yoga. Deep in nature and consciously decide that you want the trauma to be somatically released. You might cry. You might feel angry. You might feel tears unexpectedly fall down you might feel joy you might feel all of these things. let them flow and let it flow and slowly slowly day by day moment by moment you will feel more whole. Stop to look at something that makes you smile. A beautiful tree. A squirrel dancing on a fence. Look for the extra in the ordinary. This starts to train your reticular activating system in your brain (the space that determines how you see the world and just totally programmable by you if you choose two consciously) huge hugs x being a human isn’t easy but when you start to understand the code of transformation life gets really magical, you can start today xxx
My 17 year relationship abruptly ended last year, and along with it the end of a 15 year farmsteading and social enterprise project on the cusp of completion.
I've worked off-grid for many years now too in a remote rural area, and moving from here also means losing the land I love, my confidence in what comes next, and my hand-built home.
But a year down the track I'm starting to see upsides and new possibilities.
As recent as the last few weeks I'm getting into gear again and finding the courage to radically accept things and build a new future.
To anyone facing fresh challenges, I hope this is encouraging X.
This is an amazing share thank you for your fun ability. I too experience this in 2019 as you say definitely in abrupt ending. Fast forward I now see it as a completion of more comic cycle. Nonetheless disruptive as indeed I now believe I’m working in the space of transformation that if we are truly misaligned with our soul path then the transformation will feel way more disruptive and abrupt that it needs to be. I love that you’ve used this trauma as a transformation opportunity and your work and off grid living are truly inspiring. Kate x
💯 it’s the only thing that causes transformation! Our inner alchemy our thoughts, our Energy, our frequency, or conspire for us to manifest as I call it architect your reality. Transformation is the alchemical process of this very beautiful human experience!
I love the way you point out that language matters. Even when we don’t say the words aloud, we are communicating something to ourself and a small shift in words can lead to a big shift in impact.
💯 this inspired me because it is the tiny teeny thoughts decisions, habits and behaviours we do daily that compound and create a life, right? I love your name it sounds like liminal which is the space between the space which is exactly what we are talking about Kate x
Wow! That sounds so powerful. I’m 58. Quit my job end of last year (I’d been a classroom teacher & curriculum specialist for 24 years). No job to go to. No idea what happens next. I do feel ‘stuck’ - but I also knew I couldn’t keep on with what I’d been doing. From today onwards I’m gonna tell myself that I’m ‘transforming’. I particularly appreciated your explanation that I don’t have to believe it, I just need to keep saying it. That’s what will bring about the ‘re-wiring’.
This is so brave! I did some I had 30 years in academia Rose to the top and then following the destruction of my marriage via betrayal (his). My whole life changed moved out of London moved to the countryside at a devastation transmitted into transformation and a divorce into a. JOYVorce and an ending into a ‘completion’. I focused on being mum first cut the chords from all the tentacles of. ‘Career’ and now still Teach but ironically about human transformation! How’s it going for you now? Do you still feel stuck or… Kate
Ellen, this post made me think a lot about something. I have inadvertently reinforced the wrong neural pathways with my negative self-talk. It is so habitual and I need to stop it.
So interesting, isn’t it? When we start to notice what we notice and we understand that actually we created our reality all along. Well, we think that we’re fairly joyful and having a great life there’s this in a voice often so quiet we don’t even hear it until we start to notice what we notice and become the observer of our thoughts. I called this conscious self inquiry and when I started doing it for myself after deep deep trauma, it started to utterly transform my entire existence and then my world. I started up really small as I had really lost my joy. I started to notice the what I call extra in the ordinary. And by doing this, my life started to become extraordinary every category. I started to re-code the negative experiences and thoughts and it took a bit of practice because it’s simple to say they’re not easy to do. Especially depending on how old we are when we start we have a lot more stories to recode! But it’s a great game to play! Kate x
Unfortunately, at 76 I have had far too much practice with the negative 💩! It's like apologizing too much. Therapy has helped me a lot over the years but not with these baaaaad habits. Thanks for your comment, Kate.
I'm honestly curious about this: "You don’t have to believe the new thought for it to work. You just have to practice it. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between a thought you believe and a thought you’re testing out. It just knows: This is the pattern we’re practicing now. Let’s build a pathway for it." In New Thought circles, teachers emphasize practicing new thoughts that are believable so that our "energy" or subconscious doesn't argue against it... I'd love to hear more on this!
Obviously I can’t come in and what the author meant by this but for me I truly know that neuro scientifically the brain literally doesn’t know the difference between a thought imagined and a lived experience for a thought. In fact in my research it’s been very true that the more we consciously program our mind our thoughts our feelings in our emotions and get crystal clear on what we want when those things combine as a formula you can architect your reality. Simple to say not easy work but with practice it gets easier and easier. It’s a great game to play! Kate x
Love this. I also think it's possibly more difficult in modern day culture as we live in times where we've grown conditioned to have things instantly or see other people that we think are seemingly getting things quickly. Therefore when we don't have that same result we feel stuck but transformation and progress takes time.
Great share yes I agree, but I think we can accelerate the time it takes when we know the codes of transformation. Like we know that it’s happening for us and if we can get aligned in our mindset, Energy spirit and emotions then I think we can collapse timelines and bring in our new reality much more swiftly has been my experience.! Kate x
This landed deeply. The reframe from stuck to transforming feels both compassionate and neurologically honest—naming the reality without pathologizing it.
I’m struck by how much permission lives in that one word. Permission to be unfinished. Permission to not recognize yourself for a while. Permission to stand in the doorway without rushing to choose a side.
As someone who sits with people in their own “in-between” every day, I see this so clearly: what looks like paralysis is often a nervous system doing its best in uncertainty. Naming it as transformation doesn’t erase the grief or the fear—but it gives the brain (and the heart) a place to breathe.
The kitchen renovation metaphor is perfect. No one stands in a half-demolished kitchen and concludes they’ve failed at homeownership—yet we do that to ourselves in midlife so easily.
Thank you for offering language that softens shame and restores agency. This isn’t toxic positivity; it’s orientation. And sometimes orientation is the most powerful intervention there is.
Saving this. And sharing it with clients who need a kinder, truer story about where they are.
This is so true what you’ve named is like this interstitial or liminal space between the space.
Of where you are now and who you are becoming. Whether as a human, your identity or your environment ( like you say - in your home). It can be confronting as well as exciting. Often more the former. When we settle into the unknown of it all and flow with the energy of certainty, certainty that it will all work out in our favour even when we don’t fully know the outcome yet. That’s the sweet spot of transformation.!
Love this. Transformation is confronting, alchemical, exciting, daunting, life changing and the full spectrum of human emotion. And it’s really why we are here as humans. Suffering can be the portal for change & transformation but they don’t have to be. We can biohack it. Great questions you raise here to facilitate this process!
I'm going to try to use transform and see how it goes...
The friend you’ve had for twenty years who suddenly feels draining
The career path you were sure about that now feels hollow
The hobbies you used to love that bore you now
The version of yourself you keep trying to get back to, but can’t quite reach
I have had all of this, in a dizzying fashion. I am older now (60), but I mourn my old life, my younger self, my younger kids. My children are grown now, which is a totally different dynamic from when they were younger. An 18 year marriage I blew up for another man who turned out to be a jerk. My husband would take me back, even now ten years later, but he is a maga and I cannot do it. I really wish he wasn't but every time I ask him a political question he enrages me. I have had a few friends I've lost due to life circumstances, due to different worlds. I am taking care of my mom who broke her back, so I am with her when I am not working. I was sure about my career but then had injuries and had to change. (massage). I used to love yoga, but it hurts now. I am surviving. Trying very hard to have different hobbies, but still end up on the couch reading. Trying to transform into what?? I know I have to have a better attitude but I am disappointed in some things, and mad at myself for everything.
So sad to read this and totally understandable. The momentum of our programs compound and suddenly we have a life that we might look at with full of regret, victim mindset, resentment and regret. But please know this that you exist in all timelines everywhere all at once and every single second is a chance to turn it around. And I would start with forgiving yourself. The pain you feel in your back is predominantly and likely linked with your emotions. ( eastern medicine will show this if you are open to understand understanding that viewpoint.) and they should give Great hope because as you release those trapped feelings of trauma which likely came from your own childhood and not bringing her so much of our ancestral stain does… Start with that start with Healing yourself to giving yourself for giving everybody moving your body slowly a slow walk even if you can’t manage the yoga. Deep in nature and consciously decide that you want the trauma to be somatically released. You might cry. You might feel angry. You might feel tears unexpectedly fall down you might feel joy you might feel all of these things. let them flow and let it flow and slowly slowly day by day moment by moment you will feel more whole. Stop to look at something that makes you smile. A beautiful tree. A squirrel dancing on a fence. Look for the extra in the ordinary. This starts to train your reticular activating system in your brain (the space that determines how you see the world and just totally programmable by you if you choose two consciously) huge hugs x being a human isn’t easy but when you start to understand the code of transformation life gets really magical, you can start today xxx
Well, I'm definitely transforming :)
My 17 year relationship abruptly ended last year, and along with it the end of a 15 year farmsteading and social enterprise project on the cusp of completion.
I've worked off-grid for many years now too in a remote rural area, and moving from here also means losing the land I love, my confidence in what comes next, and my hand-built home.
But a year down the track I'm starting to see upsides and new possibilities.
As recent as the last few weeks I'm getting into gear again and finding the courage to radically accept things and build a new future.
To anyone facing fresh challenges, I hope this is encouraging X.
This is an amazing share thank you for your fun ability. I too experience this in 2019 as you say definitely in abrupt ending. Fast forward I now see it as a completion of more comic cycle. Nonetheless disruptive as indeed I now believe I’m working in the space of transformation that if we are truly misaligned with our soul path then the transformation will feel way more disruptive and abrupt that it needs to be. I love that you’ve used this trauma as a transformation opportunity and your work and off grid living are truly inspiring. Kate x
So turns out the inner language does make a huge difference! 👉🏼👈🏼
💯 it’s the only thing that causes transformation! Our inner alchemy our thoughts, our Energy, our frequency, or conspire for us to manifest as I call it architect your reality. Transformation is the alchemical process of this very beautiful human experience!
Beautiful!
I love the way you point out that language matters. Even when we don’t say the words aloud, we are communicating something to ourself and a small shift in words can lead to a big shift in impact.
💯 this inspired me because it is the tiny teeny thoughts decisions, habits and behaviours we do daily that compound and create a life, right? I love your name it sounds like liminal which is the space between the space which is exactly what we are talking about Kate x
Wow! That sounds so powerful. I’m 58. Quit my job end of last year (I’d been a classroom teacher & curriculum specialist for 24 years). No job to go to. No idea what happens next. I do feel ‘stuck’ - but I also knew I couldn’t keep on with what I’d been doing. From today onwards I’m gonna tell myself that I’m ‘transforming’. I particularly appreciated your explanation that I don’t have to believe it, I just need to keep saying it. That’s what will bring about the ‘re-wiring’.
Thank you 🙏
This is so brave! I did some I had 30 years in academia Rose to the top and then following the destruction of my marriage via betrayal (his). My whole life changed moved out of London moved to the countryside at a devastation transmitted into transformation and a divorce into a. JOYVorce and an ending into a ‘completion’. I focused on being mum first cut the chords from all the tentacles of. ‘Career’ and now still Teach but ironically about human transformation! How’s it going for you now? Do you still feel stuck or… Kate
Ellen, this post made me think a lot about something. I have inadvertently reinforced the wrong neural pathways with my negative self-talk. It is so habitual and I need to stop it.
So interesting, isn’t it? When we start to notice what we notice and we understand that actually we created our reality all along. Well, we think that we’re fairly joyful and having a great life there’s this in a voice often so quiet we don’t even hear it until we start to notice what we notice and become the observer of our thoughts. I called this conscious self inquiry and when I started doing it for myself after deep deep trauma, it started to utterly transform my entire existence and then my world. I started up really small as I had really lost my joy. I started to notice the what I call extra in the ordinary. And by doing this, my life started to become extraordinary every category. I started to re-code the negative experiences and thoughts and it took a bit of practice because it’s simple to say they’re not easy to do. Especially depending on how old we are when we start we have a lot more stories to recode! But it’s a great game to play! Kate x
Unfortunately, at 76 I have had far too much practice with the negative 💩! It's like apologizing too much. Therapy has helped me a lot over the years but not with these baaaaad habits. Thanks for your comment, Kate.
https://open.substack.com/pub/ctdrenth/p/the-jesus-protocol-book-ii-chapter-726?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=73mr27
I'm honestly curious about this: "You don’t have to believe the new thought for it to work. You just have to practice it. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between a thought you believe and a thought you’re testing out. It just knows: This is the pattern we’re practicing now. Let’s build a pathway for it." In New Thought circles, teachers emphasize practicing new thoughts that are believable so that our "energy" or subconscious doesn't argue against it... I'd love to hear more on this!
Obviously I can’t come in and what the author meant by this but for me I truly know that neuro scientifically the brain literally doesn’t know the difference between a thought imagined and a lived experience for a thought. In fact in my research it’s been very true that the more we consciously program our mind our thoughts our feelings in our emotions and get crystal clear on what we want when those things combine as a formula you can architect your reality. Simple to say not easy work but with practice it gets easier and easier. It’s a great game to play! Kate x
Thank you! It’s good to be reminded of this right now—as always!
I love this and as a mother of an teenaged girl finishing high school, I see so many parallels. So doubly helpful!
Love this. I also think it's possibly more difficult in modern day culture as we live in times where we've grown conditioned to have things instantly or see other people that we think are seemingly getting things quickly. Therefore when we don't have that same result we feel stuck but transformation and progress takes time.
Great share yes I agree, but I think we can accelerate the time it takes when we know the codes of transformation. Like we know that it’s happening for us and if we can get aligned in our mindset, Energy spirit and emotions then I think we can collapse timelines and bring in our new reality much more swiftly has been my experience.! Kate x
This resonates — especially the distinction between “stuck” and “transforming.”
What I keep seeing is that many women don’t feel stuck because nothing is changing —
they feel stuck because their nervous system hasn’t been taught how to be inside transition.
Language matters.
But so does safety while the language catches up.
Transformation often begins in the body long before the mind has words for it.
I needed to see this today, thank you for the reminder. I used the wording several times today as I moved through my day.
This landed deeply. The reframe from stuck to transforming feels both compassionate and neurologically honest—naming the reality without pathologizing it.
I’m struck by how much permission lives in that one word. Permission to be unfinished. Permission to not recognize yourself for a while. Permission to stand in the doorway without rushing to choose a side.
As someone who sits with people in their own “in-between” every day, I see this so clearly: what looks like paralysis is often a nervous system doing its best in uncertainty. Naming it as transformation doesn’t erase the grief or the fear—but it gives the brain (and the heart) a place to breathe.
The kitchen renovation metaphor is perfect. No one stands in a half-demolished kitchen and concludes they’ve failed at homeownership—yet we do that to ourselves in midlife so easily.
Thank you for offering language that softens shame and restores agency. This isn’t toxic positivity; it’s orientation. And sometimes orientation is the most powerful intervention there is.
Saving this. And sharing it with clients who need a kinder, truer story about where they are.
This is so true what you’ve named is like this interstitial or liminal space between the space.
Of where you are now and who you are becoming. Whether as a human, your identity or your environment ( like you say - in your home). It can be confronting as well as exciting. Often more the former. When we settle into the unknown of it all and flow with the energy of certainty, certainty that it will all work out in our favour even when we don’t fully know the outcome yet. That’s the sweet spot of transformation.!