Stop Terrorizing Yourself With January Goals

Your Goals Don't Have to Die. Your Approach Does.

It’s January again.

And if you’re anything like me, you’ve already had the thought: “This year is going to be different.”

Maybe you’ve written down some goals. Or at least thought about them while lying in bed, mentally drafting the version of yourself who finally does the thing. Starts the business. Leaves the job. Takes the trip. Writes the book.

You can see her so clearly. She’s confident. She’s decisive. She wakes up early and makes things happen.

By February, she’ll be gone.

Not because you’re lazy or undisciplined. But because the way we’ve been taught to set goals is fundamentally at odds with how our nervous systems actually work.

Especially at this stage of life.

You’ve probably done this cycle enough times to recognize the pattern. Big resolution. Initial excitement. Three weeks of pushing yourself. Then the inevitable crash where you’re back to your old habits, except now you also feel like a failure.

Here’s what nobody tells you: the problem isn’t you. It’s the approach.

You know that thing where you finally decide you’re done playing small, and you set this huge goal that makes your heart race a little?

And then three days later you’re lying awake at 3 AM, mentally cataloging everything that could go wrong, wondering what possessed you to think you could actually pull this off at your age?

Yeah. Let’s talk about that.

Because here’s what’s happening: your brain is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do. You’ve spent decades keeping everyone safe, managing everyone’s feelings, and making sure the world doesn’t fall apart on your watch. Your nervous system has become an expert at scanning for danger.

So when you announce you’re going to start a business, leave your marriage, or finally write that book? Your system hears “DANGER DANGER ABORT MISSION.”

The problem with how we’ve been taught to set goals

Most goal-setting advice was written by and for people who don’t have our operating system.

It assumes you’re starting from a place of confidence and full tank. It doesn’t account for the fact that you might be recovering from 20 years of putting yourself last. Or that your adrenals are tired from managing everyone’s emotions. Or that your brain is literally rewiring itself because perimenopause is a thing.

The typical approach goes something like: Set a massive goal. Break it into smaller pieces. Push through resistance. Manifest your dreams.

That might sound good, except “push through resistance” is how you end up at the kitchen table at 10 pm, eating from a bag of Cheetos, while questioning all your life choices.

From BHAGs to something that actually works for us

You’ve probably heard of BHAGs—Big Hairy Audacious Goals. The business world loves them. They’re supposed to inspire you, stretch you, make you think bigger.

I’m not against big goals. I’m against the assumption that the way to achieve them is to just... go bigger, harder, faster.

Because that approach? It was designed by people whose nervous systems weren’t already running on fumes from decades of caretaking, people-pleasing, and keeping all the plates spinning.

Picture your nervous system as a toddler who’s had way too much stimulation. It’s been to three birthday parties, skipped a nap, and now you’re asking to try something new. Good luck with that.

So here’s a different approach: Micro-Audacious Goals.

Same ambitious vision. Completely different path to get there.

Micro-Audacious goals work differently

Pick your big goal. The one that makes you feel alive and terrified in equal measure.

Now back it way down. What’s the smallest possible version of that goal? The version that your nervous system can handle without triggering a full-scale panic response?

Want to write a book? Start by writing for 10 minutes three times a week. Not every day. Not for an hour. Ten minutes. Three times.

Want to leave your corporate job and start coaching? Maybe you take on one client. On weekends. While keeping your regular job.

This isn’t about thinking small. It’s about thinking smart.

The nervous system science (without the jargon)

Your nervous system operates on a safety-first model. It doesn’t care about your dreams. It cares about keeping you alive.

When you set a goal that feels too big too fast, your system interprets it as a threat. And when you’re in threat mode, you can’t access the creative, brave, future-focused part of your brain. You’re just trying to survive.

But here’s the beautiful part: you can train your system to feel safe with bigger things. You just have to do it gradually.

Think about it this way. You wouldn’t try to run a marathon tomorrow if you haven’t run in 20 years. You’d start with a walk around the block. Your nervous system works the same way.

The three-part framework that works

Part 1: The Anchor Goal

This is your audacious vision. The thing that lights you up. Don’t water it down or make it “realistic.” This is your North Star.

Write it down. Put it somewhere you can see it. Let yourself feel the full weight of wanting it.

Part 2: The Bridge Actions

These are the tiny, doable steps that build a bridge between where you are and where you want to go. Each one should feel like a stretch, but not like jumping off a cliff.

The key here? Each action needs to be small enough that your nervous system says “okay, we can handle this” instead of “ABSOLUTELY NOT.”

Part 3: The Safety Signal

This is the part most people skip, and it’s why most people fail.

After each bridge action, you need to tell your nervous system “see? We’re okay. We did the thing, and we’re still safe.”

Celebrate the small wins. Not in a toxic positivity way. In a “I’m showing my nervous system that change doesn’t equal danger” way.

What this looks like in real life

Let’s say your audacious goal is to leave your marriage and build a life on your own terms.

That’s huge. That’s terrifying. That’s also completely possible.

But your bridge actions aren’t “file for divorce tomorrow and figure out the rest later.”

They might be:

• Open your own bank account

• Have one honest conversation about what you’re feeling

• Talk to a lawyer (just to understand your options)

• Spend one weekend alone to see what that feels like

Each step shows your system that you can handle the next level. Each one builds evidence that you’re capable of this change.

The permission you probably need

You don’t have to do this fast. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.

The goal isn’t to become someone new overnight. It’s to become more of who you already are, at a pace your whole system can handle.

Your 25-year-old self might have been able to blow up her life and rebuild it in six months. You’re not her anymore. You’re wiser now. You know things. You understand that sustainable change happens in layers, not explosions.

And honestly? That’s your superpower.

When to push (and when to pause)

Some resistance is just fear. That kind you work through.

But some resistance is your system telling you it needs more time, more safety, more proof that this new thing won’t destroy you.

Learning to tell the difference is everything.

If you’re feeling energized and scared? That’s growth. Keep going.

If you’re feeling depleted and panicky? That’s your system asking for a slower pace. Listen to it.

The truth about audacious goals at this age

They’re actually easier to achieve now than they were when you were younger. Not because you have more time or energy. But because you have more self-knowledge.

You know what matters. You know what doesn’t. You’ve stopped caring what most people think. You’ve seen enough to know that perfect doesn’t exist and good enough is actually great.

So when you set that audacious goal? You’re not doing it to prove anything. You’re doing it because you finally can.

And that changes everything.

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As always, tell me what’s on your mind. I’m reading every word here. I can’t respond to everyone, but thank you for sharing.

If my words made you pause, smile, or think, consider being part of the journey.

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